Aww, I'm sad it's over! It's cute how he got to move in with them though, and even cuter that Huey stopped being a punk ss biyatch and accepted his feelings. And HAHAHA to Cindy having to change up what she was going to say about her and Zakk in front of the parentals.
"Jazmine asked to which Huey kissed her before smiling (The world's going to hell!)."
. Win.
So, there were some errors, but what the hell ever. It's 3 in the morning. I'm tired. But yeah, you should definitely do more stories with Zakk! This one's definitely one for the favorites.
"Shut up man! My friends going though a personal experence here like what you see in a movie!"
"What, Brokeback Mountain?"
I laughed so hard at that part. Oh, my god. Zakk and Cindy had me weak. I loved how blunt they were about "We're going to go have sex!". I was laughing/mortified all at the same time. :P
And baw, nervous Huey and Jazmine. This chapter was cute! And I am way too lazy to point out the few grammatical errors I saw because it's almost three in the morning. Shoot. It is not that serious.
And aw. Thanks for calling me sweet! Since, you know, people who know me usually think I'm as sweet as a starving killer whale...
"-and you get to hit me with that electric glove you have."
I don't know why, but I laughed super hard at that.
And ZOMG, Oldboy! Boondock Saints! I LOVE those movies (and i'm not even a big movie person)! Let me find out you got good tastes, son.
Zakk and Cindy make a good pair. Zakk got some issues he needs to work out before he cracks. And Huey knew goodness well he wanted to lose the bet so he could go on that date. Shit, he don't ever win bets. Ever (maybe it's just a coincidence? :P)
As far as grammatical/sentence structure errors go, I didn't see much of any (and can't even remember the few ones I saw, so whatever). The characterization's fine. You're doing quite well.
Aw man, I KNEW I was forgetting something, and it was to read this! That's so hilarious how they were competing like that over best singer/guitar player, since it seems like they'd both be the competitve types. Huey and Zakk's friendship is cool, because they're a lot alike, yet have enough similarities to work. And Zakk's mom must have invented the phrase "Crazy as hell". Can't wait to see what else you got, yo!
Is it bad that racial slurs make me laugh hysterically?
And Jazmine drumming? Hilarious.
I love Zakk, forrealz. I don't know, he's good at so many things and doesn't have a weakness, and most of the time that would make a character seem like a Gary Stu, but it works for him. I guess that's why the chapter was called "More than Meets the Eye" though, right?
And yay! Cindy and Hiro are coming! This should be good...
"Yeah, she's this drunk early in the morning and she's already shouting "Carrie" quotes."
WIN. I saw the "They're all going to laugh at you!" and that INSTANTLY came in my head but I was sure I was wrong. Score!
Haha, I like it! My mom's crazy as hell too (only not that crazy) and we're the types that will start cussing out each other (but we're actually quite close) so it's funny seeing a character like that up here. And Ruckus had me LMFAO calling him "Tojo". You hit his character's name right on the money!
Sorry dude, I don't always remember to check my inbox so I just got your message. Heh. Anyways, I figured I should READ your story before telling other people about it. And I must say, I love it! Yeah, there were some errors here and there but everyone does them. And I LOVE Zakk. I think it's because there aren't too many boy OCs up here (I usually can't stand OCs anyways but they are needed in some cases so whatever) and he's an interesting character. And I love how he/Huey were speaking japanese. Smart asses...
As for characterization, you had them all in character! Yay! :dances: Definitely going to go read the next chapter.
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