Is it just me or are you in Love with Karin?

O.k., where do I start?

The story is well written and quite exciting, but I think you could have worked harder on the fight scene. Also, the name Kira got me confused, for the first part of the story, I thought it was the third squad's lieutenant.

I have to say that it is quite exotic in the sense that Grimmjow is the supreme ruler of Heuco Mundo, but it seemed a little out of character for Aizen to entrust the sexta espada with the secrets of the Hogyoku.

Sorry if I was a little too harsh.

Later.

Hmm... I really, really, really, really, really don't like the paring. Karin isn't one to cry this easily, she never cried since her mother died.

And Desuka is too powerful I think. Shinji says he's stronger than Ichigo, and that's not good. He shouldn't be that strong. Plus he's somehow "the most important being", yet another thing that makes him seem like a Mary Sue. You shouldn't make him that powerful. It's like he's the greatest hero or something. At least it's the impression I get when I read you.

HK

Meh, I'm not a fan of KarinDesuka here, but ah well, guess I'll have to do with it! But, I'll be on Ichigo's side this time. I don't usually approve of his over-protectiveness (excluding the funny situations that brings) but since I'm more of a HitsuKarin fan, I give him all support to make Desuka's life a living hell. Mwahahaha! XD

Ukitake seems a bit OOC though. He's more kind and doesn't really care if Ichigo calls him respectfully or not, I think.

Karin seems strong, that's great! But how did Desuka managed to hit that Arrancar? I know it's instinctive, but he got to be quite strong to be able to do that.

And really, just how the hell did that Arrancar enter in Sereitei?

HK

Your writing is pretty good and your descriptions aren't bad, but you need to be more careful with grammar. You have potential though, and that's always good. So keep working, and I'm sure your story will get better.

Also, if there's going to be romance, will it be HitsuKarin? Or other couples? (IchiRuki obvioulsy, but will Karin be paired with someone?)

Well, I'm not really in the Author-becomes-a-character stories. Plus there's already a Kira in Bleach (vice-captain of the 3rd division), and that's another thing I don't like in stories (people who have the same name).

Besides Kira (Desuka I mean. See, it gets confusing when they have the same name, you don't know who it is) seems to be too friendly with Ichigo and Rukia. I mean, in Japan people call others by their surname not by their first name, that's impolite, even for friends. So it's quite weird to see Desuka calling them by their first name when they don't even know him. And other than that, he even ask them if they are lovers, something totally not respectful. I'm sorry if I upset you, but I guess those kind of stories aren't my thing. I'm just giving my opinion, please, don't kill me '

HK

Okay, the plot seems kinda good. Just don't repeat your words too often though ("final" is said twice in the same sentence). And it's weird that Aizen gave Grimmjaw all his power, I mean he was like the Arrancar who hated him most. But well, I guess it's for the story purpose.

By the way, is Nel totally human, or just in a gigai?

HK