|Reviews for Victory in Surrender|
| Trevor X 3/28/10 . chapter 1
I can't review as eloquently as most others. Nor generally as a long detailed review. Suffice to say that I actually liked Serra in this. O.O
I know... I didn't like her in-game, but she kind of grows on me here.
And I'm slowly making my way through and reviewing each of your stories. I will do this, despite my ISP's slow connection!
| Qieru 3/15/10 . chapter 1
Ah, I never told you how much I enjoyed (me? enjoy a TRAGEDY? GASP D8 )this and how well I think you did with the prompt. (D: I'm such a loser. I meant to, but I'm a loser and never did xc)
[He had been there for the heroes when they had needed Him, and He had been there for that little, tiny, ragtag army of idiots when they'd charged into battle against Nergal and a dragon and hadn't had a clue.]
I really like this line. I know, as a secular game the religious aspect is really downplayed, but I love how you've used it in your fic. it's also very fitting to the period (even if it's only pseudo-medieval, a belief in something was very much a part of the source material and it's actually been something I've really been toiling over for my future projects, largely in part to the attention you brought it here. I also like how you called them a 'ragtag army of /idiots/'. Not people. Idiots. It really emphasizes their dire straits and the utter ridiculousness of their determination and attempt to stop enemies with powers far greater than their own even though they didn't know how.
[ Too many nights forced her to watch Sain or Erk or Florina crumple to the ground, and no matter how hard she tried, they would die with their head on her lap and her tears on their face. ]
That would be hard to suffer through. D: I wonder. We've discussed possible nightmares for some of the other people. but healers could very well be the ones who get hit by it the worst, after all, they quite literally hold the strings between life and death in their hands when they're trying to race against time and quite probably rushing blood to save a life. The warriors might have nightmares about facing their foes and perhaps (in the cases of knights like Kent, Sain, Marcus, Oswin, etc) failing to protect their lord or a companion, but the healers, I think, might dream more often about their /friends/ as you have put it here.
I like that you put other chances of children. It wasn't just one. She didn't die the first time or after the first, but after she had fought so much to have the others. It makes the struggle have more power and strength, and drives home more of the pain she and the others go through as well.
[Serra took no chances with the third, and even though she was no midwife, she forced her friend to stay in bed for the entire nine months.]
I have a hard time believing she remained bedridden the /entire/ time, but it's a small enough detail that it doesn't really matter. You carried the point that Serra watched her like a hawk, well enough. Speaking of which, I love Serra's involvement in this. Too often we forget to include certain people in things that would affect them, and it's wonderful to see it at work. I also love how you made her friend and companion to Florina. She's really matured in this piece and I love seeing it.
[Florina groaned, but managed a small smile. "I can do this for Lord Hector, can't I?" she asked, her breath ragged, her expression strained]
Aww. Through all the pain, she speaks not for herself but for Hector. Both a little touching and sad.
[With one last, longing glance behind him, Hector left the room. He had duties he could not ignore, not even for his wife. Florina would understand. She always had.]
;n; Such a depressing and powerful sequence of lines. It also shows a maturity in Hector's character. Where before he would do whatever he wanted with no regards to anyone else, here he must act against his own desires to remain with Florina as she dies. And she would still understand him and hold nothing against him were she consciously aware of it.
[Pain seared through her lip as she bit down on it. "It's okay," she said, and touched the back of her fingers to Florina's warm cheek. "You can go to your other babies, now. Lilina has Hector…and—and me. I'll make sure he doesn't teach her to swing around an axe like a maniac."]
Aw, Serra. (but now it all makes sense why Lilina would know magic instead of being physical fighter. Serra had her way to the end! x3)
[She sniffed, "All of that hard work I did to get you and Hector together, and you just go and die on me." Serra kissed Florina's hand and gave it one last squeeze. "I don't know what I'll do without you, but…but I suppose I'll manage. Somehow."]
So very sad, but it also shows the theme in a very subtle way. Unlike many of the others (including myself), you never actually used the word 'yield' and so I think you actually got it across even more effectively by not drawing attention to it.
You're writing is still amazing, and I'm always excited to read it. D
| Sara Jaye 3/14/10 . chapter 1
You already know how I feel about this fic, but it deserved another comment. D Serra is awesome, I absolutely LOVE the way you write her in just about everything.