Actually this wasnt too bad. Not anywhere near the worst that I've heard.

cool story

the visser is a dick

I really hope you haven't given up on this, it's very good!

shit. amazing.

AWSOME!

update soon i cant wait to see who it is XD

I love it! I never liked the way KA Applegate just killed off Rachel, so it's good to see that she's still alive, even if she been beaten and tortured to a bloody pulp. Can't wait to see how or if she ever gets out. Please update soon. Something I did notice, though (not saying this is really a bad thing, I'm just hard-pressed to be a "well rounded critique" with this story!) is tha capitalization and punctuation need work in some places. But hey, that doesn't NEED to be fixed, cuz the writing gets the job done!