It's very good! I enjoyed your writing style, and how it's different than others I've seen. The stanzas were very effective. I also enjoyed seeing a different version of Jacky. To me, she's always been so soft for a pirate girl. This story portrays her perfectly.

I also really like how you phrased the entire thing, as if Mary was one person and Jacky was another. I have no criticism. It was a perfect length; short and sweet, as the cliche goes.

Thanks for writing!

wow weird perspective but i havent seen it done before and i can see it happening if your desperate and mary does get desperate sometimes

It's quite interesting to read, if a bit short.