| Reviews for A Lone Lion's Pride |
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Maddy02 3/22/10 . chapter 1I'm currently toying with my own Leon-hunting-Andre story, so I am interested to see where you take this. Your language is good, "The thoughts mobbed his mind" stands out to me as a rather good descriptor for what Leon was probably feeling at the time. If I have any criticism at all it's the length (or lack) of the chapter. Filling it out a bit more, putting in some background as to how he got where he is and such wouldn't be a bad idea. (Is he at an inn? How long has he been apart from everyone?) Oh and I wouldn't bother giving him a surname. None of the characters have one. If the people of the world refer to figures of authority -like Johannes or Heath, by their first names it's reasonable to assume family names don't exist. I look forward to your next instalment |
arkee 3/21/10 . chapter 1Wow... You got me confused with that dream... I thought you really killed my fave characters... Good story and is the dream going to still be used? |