Nice work. :) I like the way you wrote Pumpkin. I'm not sure if it says Pumpkin was actually told to keep watch Chiyo that day - but it's definitely plausible that she would be punished for letting Chiyo escape in any case.

I've got to agree with the previous reviewer; Pumpkin was unsympathetic in this, but so was she in the movie and the book, so really there's no problem there. :) I immensely enjoyed the writing style and first-person viewpoint. Favorite. :)

You made Pumpkin a little unsympathetic in this, but I could also sympathize with her. I liked your writing style and the first person viewpoint. Good job!:)