how dark..but I likey! I really thought it was cute since mary and the twins seem to be a perfect family lookout..and as for the harvest goddess, sheer perfection! 8D

hmm... actually, I have read this story before but stopped at the middle. then, I forgot to continue reading it! O_o oh... my memory is so bad... -cries at the corner of the room- -stomped- erm... to the review? :)

I think this was a pretty well-written story. but, first of all, I have several opinions. but, I'm not really sure about them (and my english was bad too) so please correct me if I'm wrong. :D

about the usage of comma, I think when you wrote a sentence that contained three things which separated by comma (and it contained the word 'or' and 'and'), you need to put a comma before 'or' and 'and'. er... I'm not really sure about it. in my first language, that was the rule for that kind of sentences. don't know if it's the same in english.

example: no matter how dangerous, stupid(,) or downright impossible / Vines, branches(,) and tree roots / charting the dizzying, dazzling(,) and exhausting journey of the past months

well, I'm not really sure... I just think, by adding the comma, it might avoid the sentence from getting mixed up. only my opinion. :/ sorry if I'm wrong...

and these lines:

- He had two daughter's of his own / er... I don't really sure but I think you don't need to put an apostrophe (') there..?

- He seemed to have a forced a smile onto his face. / I think the words should be 'to have forced a smile'. because, if there were two 'a's in there, the sentence was somewhat odd. er... I guess. -smashed-

okay, that's all for my unsure opinions. I think this was a really nice story, tragic, and a really nice idea. I loved the description and the horrific feeling that somewhat reflected from the words.

huff... so, Jack married Goddess and the one that killed Morwenna was Goddess? O_o ...wow, at first I think it was just an accident until you put the last closing line (which closed the story in a really good and somewhat cliff-hanging way).

but, somehow, I'm thinking about putting Merith in the last scene would be a good thing to do since I felt the death of Morwenna was a bit... er... rushed? -grilled- erm... er... I'm just thinking about where was Merith when the incident happened... er... never mind. -_- -thrown with garbage-

I loved every of the scenes. especially when Merith was thinking; she thought about views all around. I loved situation description like that. made things more clearer as the story keep progressing. :D heh heh. and the part when Jack remembered the day when he asked Carter for marriage was nice too, followed by every events that he experienced after the marriage. huff... really great!

it was creepy, however. the Goddess should put more mercy. what kind of mother who would kill her own child, anyway? ...this is really scary, for me. and you are a really talented writer! XD ...ah, your grammar was perfect (I think) and the description was amazing. ...concept was good too. er... nothing else to say. just keep writing, okay? :)

Oh. My. God.

I don't know whether to be amazed or pissed off.

I've never liked the Harvest Goddess, honestly, but this is just sad.

Seriously. That's whorible.

My heart goes out to Jack in this one. THanks for shopwing me the non-Jack-*ss side of Jack.

OMGoodness! This was a bit darker than I've read from you so far. And I undestood the title once I got to the end. The title fits the way you wrote this. I loved the way you described everything. It was so detailed and full of emotion.

Poor Morwenna... I wonder why the Goddess chose her instead of Merith. Not that she should have chosen any child at all. She should have just left them the way they were. The girls were happy. She should have been satisfied with that.

Anyway, great story. But the ending was sad. Look forward to reading more from you. Keep it up.

AA1

Brr. I'd go on, but I don't think I can. Congrats on winning the contest.

Wow.

That was amazing. I don't even quite know what to say to that. It was depressing and angsty (my favorite) and dramatic and perfect! At the beginning I was completely confused, but you easily clued us in to everything. That was incredible and I think you have a REALLY good chance in the contest!

Gorgeous! Beautiful work. Your use of the angst is simply magnificent

Very powerful dark and deep

sad too :(

good job

Oh wow, oh wow, OH WOW! Every time I think you've given us your best, you seem to up that with each new story! This was really good. Dark and creepy just the way death should be. I never really thought about the ramifications of betraying the Goddess after marriage. But you've showed us just how vicious and vindictive even a Goddess can be! Very well done Moonlit!

Good luck in the contest!

Entry verified!

The build-up to the conclusion was beautiful. There was just so much atmosphere, and even though the girls don't really seem to know what it going on, they still know it's not normal. Not to mention I could really sympathize with Jack and his situation. After all, a spurned woman is difficult enough to deal with without having to have her presence all around you.

Good luck with the contest!

Peace and Love