 Mr Evil 37 4/5/10 . chapter 1Not bad, but a bit too short.
Also, at the beginning the "I'm the man with all the answers, aren't I?" seemed a bit arrogant. And while yes, Rush is a very arrogant character, I highly doubt that he would ever admit this to himself in his own thoughts.
However, that is but a minor gripe, as your exploration of Rush's character, while insubstantial, was great. As was your spelling and grammar. Your sentence structure was good, and the only thing you could improve in this respect was when he said "It was ironic-he'd been starving..." You should leave two spaces on either side of the hyphen, so it would be "It was ironic - he'd been starving..." This just makes the presentation look better.
Other than that, very good :D Well done. |