|Reviews for The Arcadia Chronicles|
| King Tarol 1/9/11 . chapter 9
"Think about your blood pressure"? Little touches like that make me chuckle, because they make the characters richer, and they make good jokes. Hanging lampshades in your nonchalant way just makes it better. The appropriate response would be to update soon, please.
| King Tarol 1/9/11 . chapter 8
That was pretty fantastic. Your story just has more life to it than the game's dialogue. I mean, Aika's comments throughout the chapter? Classic Aika, for one, and pretty funny, for another. Your deadpan sense of humor shines throughout this story. If I knew what your voice sounded like, I would be very nearly able to hear you nonchalantly saying some of these things, which just makes it funnier.
Also, would that comment, by any chance, be a hint towards VysexAika? That's the only canon relationship that I've seen any legitimate evidence for so far (I never choose the "Put your arms around her" option when I play through SoA and I'm talking with Fina at the last night before the final battle), so correct me if I'm wrong.
| MagicMissile 6/24/10 . chapter 10
lol I read this at school but couldn't review it because of a damn block or something. Let's see... a scene that I liked a lot was the whole scene with Fina and her meeting with the queen. I liked it.
Oh! And I also liked the scene after that. The one with the man sitting on the bench. I can't believe you added that scene. I remember going up to that guy and picking all the options for fun.
The next scene was mixed for me. I disliked how quickly Galcian made his appearance. But I did admire the way you made Aika and Vyse's potrayal of Galcian. It's just I can't help but reminsce how epic it was when Galcian jumped onto the train and started walking really, really slowly to you. I was like... this guy must be a hella' confident to be walking like that!
Finally, the last scene. Loved it. It was just crazy amazing how you described it. And, oh man, did I love how you ended it. The part with the Harpoon cannon and all… breathtaking! That caught me totally off-guard! Great chapter! I wasn’t expecting something like this but it was a good one. Good luck and awesome chapter!
| MagicMissile 6/2/10 . chapter 9
Noooooo! I like this chapter, but I was actually looking forward to those fighting scenes. It's been a while since I've played Skies of Arcadia...again. I guess I was on hiatus. Anyway, the way you made the last fighting scene made me think how you would turn these two fighting scenes into gold. Aww, the fight with the Executioner was a memorable one for me too. I remember dying to the blob thingy because I just wasn't prepared and after I finally beat him, I didn't bother to save and guess what? I had to fight the Executioner! Oh man, then I died. Oh well, it's a good chapter nonetheless. D yay I liked it.
| MagicMissile 5/15/10 . chapter 8
Now that you mention it, I never did hear a Vitamar until now. You've said it last chapter but I've only gotten to understand now. I like this chapter. The battle was cool and I definitely liked the scene with blackbeard. The part where he says, "By the Moons,somebody put out the damn fire!" made me chuckle. You know, I don't know how you do it. When I read chapter 6 it was a bit...okay. And then chapter 7 came along and then I was like, you know what? Let me continue. Now on chapter 8 it's fresh again. Nevertheless, nothing beats chapter 5! It's simply my favorite chapter. Onward, man! I like this )
| MagicMissile 5/15/10 . chapter 7
This chapter is alright. Reminds me of a perfectly normal fanfiction, but that's what it is: a perfectly normal fanfiction chapter. Though, I won't lie that I did get caught up while reading. I actually liked it.
| MagicMissile 5/15/10 . chapter 6
You've updated! And, I've been busy...bleh. Anyway, I just played Skies of Arcadia a bit and then realized how this is really going with the story. Though, I won't lie, now that I've actually played the game, the story itself seems like a reeactment. I wonder though...hmm, let me read the next chapter first.
| King Tarol 4/23/10 . chapter 6
Short chapters tend to be a bit unfulfilling, but then again, we've already gone over how different our concepts of the term "short chapter" are, so no need to bring that up again.
Besides, you're really getting into the feel of making the story of Skies of Arcadia your own. That's key when you write a novelization; you have to find the line between staying true to the source material, and taking licenses. I think you're doing just that. Your transitions are also just fine now, at least to my eyes.
Hmm...is that a reference to Brawl in the Family's "Waluigi Time" in your author notes? Because even if it isn't, by some stretch of the imagination, I still thought of that and cracked up upon reading your author notes. Good, funny stuff.
Oh yeah; and your updates still arrive faster than mine do. So don't feel too bad.
| King Tarol 4/18/10 . chapter 5
I like how you're having the characters use logic, and not merely letting the story work for itself. If you think that all the stuff in the shrine works through touch-based activation, then of course you're going to poke around. The only thing I thought was a bit off came from this question, "How the heck does one of those two know Wevli ALREADY?"
Aside from that, I feel like, when you focused on just Vyse and Aika in this chapter, your writing flowed a lot better. I'm just throwing out an idea here, but maybe you should group your chapters by perspective AND by how far into the story it is, instead of just the latter. I don't know how it would be done if you decided to do it, but you can always send a PM/response/whatever my way and we can discuss it further.
Also, it's definitely nice to see the S-Moves being integrated into the story. You'd probably have to add some stuff that was nowhere NEAR being in the actual storyline of the game if you wanted to bring in ALL the S-Moves, but I, for one, would actually REALLY like to see that. It would distinguish your story further. That was the one thing that upset me about Peg Knight's novelization-the S-Moves were cut out.
While I don't know what filesharing jokes you're talking about, I do understand how it is to want to hear from your audience; to bounce ideas off of them, or to hear what works or doesn't work, or to be encouraged, or to hear what they think so that you can purposely muck with their heads a little bit by writing something different. One of my writing mottos is that if you post work of any sort online and expect reviews, then it's no longer just about you; you have to think about your readers. It's good to see that you seem to understand that.
| King Tarol 4/18/10 . chapter 4
OK, there's a whole lot of irony going on here, considering the contents of my last review. For example, I talked a bit about your story's chapter length, and then in your Author Notes for this chapter, you mention basically what I had just said.
Furthermore, I feel like you somehow instantly got my review and wrote this chapter based on what I had said, when I'm writing this review a week after your latest update. That's almost spooky, but it's great to see you bringing up the characters' inner thoughts, as well as some other touches to the dialogue; that makes it feel a bit more like your own story, and not just mostly parroting the scriptwriter for Skies of Arcadia. You're seeing the intended emotion behind the characters' words and actions.
I also had my knowledge of you having played this game before reinforced as soon as you brought up the Lookout Island ladder. Good GRAVY that thing was annoying. The Beholden Barrels was a nice touch as well. I also like the behind-the-scenes additions to the story where you involved Fina.
There's still a MINUTE bit of transitioning that you can work on, but you can consider me officially warmed up to your story now.
| King Tarol 4/18/10 . chapter 3
Hmm...It might take me a little while to warm up to this, what with the intro at the first chapter and the confusing prologue, but it has a decent start at least. The perspective switches are a tad bit sudden, but since I've played the game, they weren't too surprising. Also, within each situation (or dare I say "scene"), the writing is smoother. I can definitely see that you've played through the game as well; most of the dialogue fits, except for a few bits here and there, but I'm chalking that up to artistic license.
I feel like you could bring out even more personal touches than you have so far; however, your decision to give Alfonso a little bit more humanity is certainly an unconventional route. That's pretty impressive. Personally, though, I don't think that Alfonso needs to have talent. It's nice to see that you're doing that in this story, but his position can be easily explained through relation to the royal family, or through the acquisition of a few dirty secrets of the royal family. So yeah; agree to disagree and whatnot. It's not like I think any less of this writing because of that opinion.
Finally, as for your comment on the length of this chapter, I'm going to give you the virtual equivalent of a weird look. I copy-paste-converted it to the format that I use to write, and your chapter took 4 pages on MS Word. That is not long, at least not compared to chapters of other stories that I've read (or written.) So if you're annoyed about the length of your story so far, don't be. If your story's good, then the chapter length won't matter too much.
All said, I'm definitely looking forward to seeing your abilities improve as you continue writing, since it seems that you're new to writing in this site. Good characterization, decent flow, very good grammar...flesh this out a teensy bit more, and I'd say that the Skies of Arcadia section has just found another winner of a writer.
| MagicMissile 4/12/10 . chapter 5
Yeah, I agree. I hope you get more reviewers too. It's a really good story and this chapter was probably my most favorited one. The action was short, but on to the point. The scenes were incrediblely vivid and I could remember this dungeon. And the dialogue, very smooth. Good luck on your further chapters!
| MagicMissile 4/11/10 . chapter 4
Whoa, this update was fast. Everything seems in order, but (again it must be me) I found the three-way conversation with Fina a little odd. Oh, hell, so I forgot how the real game showed how she first interacted with Vyse and Aika, yet I can't get over the part where she goes, "Um...wh-who are you? Where am I?"
The reasons being that her ship has been taken over, she was kidnapped, and she was knocked out to be woken by pirates. I'd expect her to be more aghast when she sees them. On the other hand, technically she was woken by teens not pirates, and I've always thought of her as a naive woman. I guess that part is alright.
It's a fairly good chapter and I definitely liked the dialogue with the father. I found it realistic. The ending, especially, is a killer. The intense build up of a cliffhanger surprised me. I didn't think it would end with an invasion and Aika and Vyse gone! I'd like to see what happens next. And Yeah, I've forgotten a lot about Skies of Arcadia, but that doesn't mean I won't read it.
Oh yeah, one thing. The Lazy Town reference killed me. Haha, Lazy Town. That was the first thing that came to my mind. I was thinking, hmm...I've heard this from somewhere before... lol Lazy Town.
| MagicMissile 4/10/10 . chapter 3
Woops, I meant chapter 3 of "Chapter 1: A Dark And Stormy Night".
Once again, I find your scenes refreshing and easy to read, but there is one thing weird about it. The transitions from scene to scene seem to be a bit off. However, that could just be your style of writing.
Anyway, I like it. Your portrayal of Alfonso's personality is great, and everything is turning out pretty cool. Just a few wordings that sound a bit off, but it's good.
| MagicMissile 4/10/10 . chapter 2
Interesting prologue. This chapter was pretty good. I liked how it felt fluid and well-crafted. I kind of got a feel for it halfway through reading. Ah, I need to play this game again. You see, I only got up to the part where I killed that Gigas or whatever they called them. On to chapter 2...