|Reviews for Toon Ghostbusters II|
| Anonymous But Interested 4/12/10 . chapter 1
Hey there. Thanks greatly for getting this story started and for liking a couple of my suggestions enough to use them already. I really appreciate you going to the effort on both counts. Once again, great job on the exchanges, humor, emotional content and future chapter set-up in all the right places. Now, I have just a few more suggestions for the time being:
1. During the appropriate point, after Jake, Danny, June and Jimmy begin their investigation but before they first get arrested, the following exchange could take place:
Jake: Okay, we've dug the hole, now we need a deeper reading.
Jimmy: Yeah, but for that, somebody has to go down there.
June: Yeah, but who?
Danny: (sighs) I'll volunteer. I'm half-ghost so I've got the best chance of making it back all right.
June: Just don't get yourself too hurt, lover boy.
Danny: I'll try my best not to, dear.
Jake: Could you two please save it for when you get home?
2. At an appropriate point after Jake, Danny, June and Jimmy's first arrest (in this story anyway), but before the courtroom attack of the ghosts of those two executed murderers:
Danielle: Ouch. I suppose Sora, Ariel and I are lucky we weren't with you four when you got arrested.
Sora: No kidding. Not only did you get arrested, but you drew one of the strictest judges on the bench to boot.
Ariel: We're really pulling for you four.
Danny: Thanks, but what can we do? It's all in the hands of our lawyer now.
Delete: Now, I think you four are making a big mistake. I mean, I handle mostly tax laws and probate stuff occasionally. I got my law degree in night school for Pete's sake.
Danny: That's fine, Dee-Dee. We got arrested at night.
June: Besides, you were the only attorney we could afford.
Delete: And it doesn't help matters that this judge has had in in for me ever since I accidentally ran over his dog.
Jimmy: You ran over his dog?
Delete: It was an accident! I offered to cover all the expenses when I could afford it, but he was still pretty steamed.
Jake: I thought you were going to say "Replace "'accidentally'" with "'repeatedly'" and "'dog'" with "'son'".
Delete: Heck, no. Who do you think I am, Lionel Hutz?
3. During the part where Jake, Danny, June and Jimmy are getting ready to fight the ghosts of the executed murderers in the courtroom:
Jimmy: Boy, I forgot how heavy these packs are. I should not have forgotten to pack my exo-armer in the truck.
Jake: Hey, come on, Jimmy. It's not THAT bad.
Jimmy: Easy for YOU to say, Jake. You and June both have super-strength, so you can easily handle the weight of the packs and Danny doesn't NEED a proton pack because of his ghost powers.
Jake: Anyway, it's been about two years since we last used this stuff. I hope it still works.
Jimmy: It should. The power cells have a half-life of five thousand years. I wish I could say the same thing about our bodies.
June: Well, there's no time for a bench test. Heat them up.
(as the Ghostbusters start firing up their packs; except for Danny, who simply transforms into his halfa form)
Jimmy: Jimmy (the others look at him funny) What? I'm not allowed to try to lighten up the mood a bit?
3. During the part with the dark room fire, Jimmy could comment "Why did I have to reinforce the door that much? Not only is it ghost-proof, but it will also take minutes longer than we have to break the door down even taking June's super-strength into account."
4. During the part where the heroes (except for Jake, who is having dinner with Betty) are investigating that abandoned subway system, at the appropriate point, Danny could comment "Okay, Danielle and I had better change into our halfa forms while the rest of you go get your proton packs and/or Keyblades before we proceed any further."
5. At the appropriate point, where Jake cracks "Jackie, you DEFINITELY backed the wrong horse on this one.", Danny could put in "Besides, I HAVE beaten Pariah Dark before. Admittedly, that was WITH the help of, ironically enough, my arch-enemy, but still- and I've got A LOT more help this time." before he proceeds to hose Jack with the positively charged mood slime.
and 6. At an appropriate point following the final battle, Betty can comment "Well, after this, I suppose I wouldn't be surprised if one or more of Boo's best friends in a few years turns out to be a monster."
That is, of course, assuming you like the ideas enough to use them. If not, I profusely apologize in advance and still look forward to more of this as soon as time and inspiration will allow.
| NobodieZ 4/12/10 . chapter 1
man, i can't believe how hard our heroes have fallen. i sure do hope thing get better.
| Amber Pegasus 4/12/10 . chapter 1
they realy miss there old jobs.