i like elizabeth, but i feel your dialogue is weak and doesn't fully amtch the original characters from Noel's books

you did a good job on this and all but i think you need a little more inspiration

and also

i think that you should foucus more on the main character than on brandon because (no offense) its harder for us girls to write in a boys perspective beause we dont know how their mind works...but you did a good jjob and im just trying to give a little friendly advice

This could make a great story...

Here are some ideas...dont expect any great ideas i suck at english. LOL

you could write that she meets a boy(not good wtih names)who

is new like her and instantly falls in love with him and he falls in love with her. Later on in the story they realize they are soulmates and have been together throughout thier lives. Like Ever and Jude.

She could over hear Elena talking to Damen about all that stuff and she confronts her about it...

But then another new boy comes along but he is an immortal that Roman made (but hes not evil yet) he falls in love with Elizabeth and tries to steal her away from the other boy with tricks that Roman tauoght him.

Thats all I got rigth now...Hope you can continue the

i think u could make this go far but need to stick to the story um new girl at school outcast she meets a boy who changes her world

this sucked. i coulnt evn finish the first poara. needs sriouse revising.

Dear Emo BABYJenkins,

I like how Elizbeth's personalty is in one place but a little to descriptive. Instead of explaining what she looks like try t use words that describe her inside. Use dialoug. Plus, being descriptive doesnt make the story more exciting, its all about "personality and realistic points of view." Missed some spelling, but I liked this chapter :) O, and try not to compare the two together too much. Ask yourself, "What would she really be thinking as she arrives at her cousins when her parents are in town." Anywho, good job :) Elizabeth sounds soo much better than Everin the real books.

From your Ghosty Reader,

the ghosty writer

i find thid a little confusing

wow! this was so awesome, i cnat wait for the next one! great job, its amazing!

This story seems like it could be nice, but you have a long wya before it is a very good one. Editing is a major factor but also the style is done in a way that screams, quickly done and not entrancing. Sure I'm a neat freak with writing but so what? I find it can be very good to help others! So try hard and keep on writing! :)

Smiles!

Nice but Be sure to check your grammar but it was GREAT!

I do really like this story :)

Im sorry but i think you need to make a little more sense, I was guessing alot to make sense of it...

although I cant wait for the next chapter x

I was the person who had Evermore catorgory added to the list

Yay for me x (sorry, had to tell someone)

Great! please update soon! :)

Anon x

i really like the idea of this, and i cant wait to read more! god job!