YAY chapter 13!

...Actually I've already read it like a half a day after you posted it but I was too busy with my apprenticeship so I wasn't able to give a review after it. I'm gonna keep this really short (and disorganized... I think):

The chapter was action packed- *nod*nod*- it was a nice change of pace. Kelly seemed like Dave's evil aunt, and you finally used Caellach! Does that mean Rush have a Remnant name too? *sparkly eyes*

Anyway, cough, the only thing I wasn't quite fond of was Conqueror's dialogue. Not the words per se, but the caps... I think it's only a matter of personal preference, but he sounded like a preacher in my head. ...And what else, hmmm, I think I remember reading 'fascinated' twice in a paragraph, again it's a matter of preference in style I think. Oh, and also, on the '(previously)', I think you meant rabbit, not rabir? Or it really is rabir, just that I'm not familiar with the game? o3o?

As a final note, keep up the good work. Really you really have a good command in stringing up engaging pieces of works.

-mimic

PS wish I could give you a more detailed review, but I'm only typing this in my phone (/ _ _)/

Nice, nice. So this will be an epic, eh? So it's good vs. evil, no? Think you can finish it this year (bats eyelashes hopefully)? Anyway, anyway, for the review proper, as this is not the place for friendly catching ups that you will surely hear from me later (you've been gone for so long!), I hope you're up for critiques:

The chapter was too choppy, I'm afraid. It's not bad, it's just choppy, I guess what I'm trying to say is that its too much scene-y? Scenes aren't bad, but you're short on narration and so, as a result, it's choppy. Your prose already sings, but if you can balance scenes and narration, it'll be an orchestra.

Next, word choice. Oh don't worry, it's nothing serious, I'm just curious... it's the citation for Morpheus. Not a bad choice of word for dream-like state, but have you considered if the inhabitants of TLR believe in Greek gods? You're writing in multiple POV but not an omniscient one, so I was just wondering if you think Rush and co. has Greek mythology.

Last, well, I'll be just saying to not be afraid to use colons. Like so:

David just settled for a quiet: "It's about time you woke up. I know you like your lie ins, but this is a bit much even for you."

I think it's only a matter of taste, or whatever, but I think the colon is more appropriate than a comma in that instance.

I was just wondering, will you still follow the original timeline or will you go to a different route and make it, I don't know, longer? ...A lot is already happening before the final confrontation, and there will be more from the looks of it.

Ehem, anyway. Torgal? Really? Torgal? You're going to let Kelly play with him? I mean really? Seriously? I'm feeling impending doom, or something. I have a very, very, strong feeling that you wouldn't kill the cat so early in the story- hey, 40 chapters and its only the 12th!- and because he's such a scrumptious source of conflict, but... what's to say that you wouldn't pull an R.R. Martin on us and behead him! ...Though if it's for the good of the story and if gets you the desired impact, why the hell not, right?

On another note, now that Kelly's active, will we hear something from Marina now? Oh yeah, just a thought, Kelly's doing her remnant-eating-for-world-domination-thing (snorts)so wouldn't that get Marina and Irina's attention? Or, at the very least, the elder Marshall's? Or are they too preoccupied with Rush? ...Don't deign me an answer for that if you'll get to it in the next chapters.

-mimic

One of the most interesting stories I have read on fanfiction and one of my favorite. Hope to see more chapters soon

When's the soonest you'll get chapter 12 out? This story is bloody addictive. *A*

It was a lengthy read, true, but I do hope you'd remember long or short, as long as the chapter's executed properly it would satisfy your readers. Anyway, the chapter was an okay read. I didn't really feel any wave breaking tension, just a smidgen of it from David and Marina's interaction.

Hmm, the most memorable bit of info I got from this chapter was of Royotia's current predicament. I dunno, I find that little bit of info more interesting than Marina's scene, or the dream scene. I guess I more or less expected the latter scenes to come up, what with all the discussions we had for this story.

I won't go into detail with technicalities so I'll just mention two. Generally your description is very, very much outstanding but it would do you good to keep tabs on it, once in a while. Take care not to over indulge it, is what I mean.

Second your parentheticals... in narratives it's okay to use it- but only sparingly(!). In dialogues though... was Rush mumbling this bit '...(or partially bound in my case)'?

I hope your job hunting will turn out well, and that you'd be able to get a job that would satisfy your expectations :3

mimic

Yukiko: What an interesting chapter to read. I'm really glad that you're back. I love the way you described the place Rush and David were in and who you described Rush's Remnant(?) form. Very creative. I'm sad to hear that Marina does not see Rush as her son. But you plotted it so well, that I'm agreeing with David about her. I do hope I will be able to read more from you soon for I will always be waiting. (:

Yukiko Shiroryuu

Ah, I just thought of the perfect woman that Kelly reminds me of! Here it is, dun dun dun, Queen Elizabeth. If you watched the movie "Elizabeth" you'd know what I mean. She seemed like an angry virgin monarch who just lost her fling to some dame who’s a part of her court ladies. xD; OR Maleficent from Sleeping Beauty 8Db

*Cough* anyway, to the proper review.

First stop for the technicalities:

Did you check the chapter before you uploaded it? Nothing's wrong with the description don't worry, it's as rich as ever, but you've seem to have quite a surplus of commas. Just like in this one:

"(1)So deeply engrossed in her task, (2)Marina was able to ignore the painful sound, (3)though only courtesy of the active Blessing."

The commas separated (2) and (3) meaning what we would then have is something like this: "So deeply engrossed in her task though only courtesy of the active Blessing." ...it doesn't make a lot of sense. The whole chapter was, sorry to say, full of this kind of problem.

Anyway, (3) was also a bit weirdly constructed... it meant that Marina was able to ignore the sound thanks to the Blessing, right? Paraphrasing it would be nice in my opinion.

Uhm, question for this word: 'no-one,' it kind of outbalanced me for a bit. Is that how you spell it in your place because it can be spelled without the dash, it still has the same meaning. It's just the first time I saw that word spelled in that way.

Second Part:

Oh here’s the less serious part. Overall the chapter was full of action, a bit of suspense and a dash of dread. Nothing really stirred up my brain (and my subtleties-o-meter isn’t tingling much), it's just anticipating for the following things to come. The foreshadowing in this chapter was really profound.

I’m really liking Kelly. A lot. A very suitable obstacle for our favorite boys :3 and Marina… Marina could rot in her, uh, cot for all I care. No, no, of course not. Marina cannot rot in a cot! Why she was the reason that this whole thing is a delighting complicated mess *heart*

Should we be expecting that the next chapter would be forwarded to two weeks after the initial assault? Yes, I said initial. Frankly, Marina strikes me as a person that wouldn’t stop until she attains her goal or someone really drills in some sense in her thick skull. Another attempt in subduing the Remnant part of Rush wouldn’t be so farfetched.

I’m really, really, painfully so, really curious on what happened to Conqueror. Is he turning a blind eye in all these? And should I count on one (or more) of our favorite generals getting hurt when they venture into Kelly’s lair? Oh my snapples, the possibilities.

Update soon!

-mimic

Yukiko: Oh wow! That was intense. I wonder why Marina was doing that to Rush... well, it's kinda obvious, but I'm just guessing... my conclusion may be wrong. Poor Rush, he has to endure such a painful process. Dave kinda scared me for a second there... heheh never mess with him when it comes to Rush. Kelly however, is a different story. I'm terrified to even come near her now... I'm glad that you updated. Hoping to read more soon! Awesome sauce as always!

Yukiko Shiroryuu

Yukiko: Oh, how I miss reading this story. I'm really happy that you updated. I was getting worried about the story and you. I feel bad for Dave, having all these emotions mixed up in his head being the Marquise and knowing Rush is a Remnant. Poor Dave. I hope everything will be alright now that Irina is involved in all of it. And Rush... I feel for you too. I don't really like shopping for clothes either... Poor Rush. I do hope that you will update very soon and if you can't, don't worry, your loyal readers will be here waiting for you.

Yukiko Shiroryuu

...Ghad. I haaaaate you. It's not really fair leaving us hanging like that you know oTL.

Cough, anyway, to the proper review.

Hmm, you're really good at picking who's point of view it should be per scene/narrative. The first one was Torgal's, right? Though not entirely because you shifted from Dave to Mr. Kitty-Kins...

Well, anyway, nothing much can be said except it's another nice chapter. Has a lot of meat and a lot of foreshadowing and character movement. I especially liked it when Rush said Khrynia was his, as in his possession. Very territorial there Rushy, do you still have a slot for one more pet? *smiles*

Emmy, Emmy is just cheeky. But I did appreciate it when you said she elicited a blush from Dave. Get your mind out of the gutter dude, even though you're not thinking about it, you're subconsciously thinking about it :P

*Cough, the recent events concerning Rush's trinkets are something quite interesting and might spell trouble as the story progresses. Simarrione's behavior is, I believe, only the icing on the cake.

And Marina! Finally! She's here. It took quite a while. The brief background was mighty insightful. Marina-John-and-Remnant Rush interaction at its barest, and we get to see who really wears the proverbial pants between John and Marina.

I'm itching to know what'll happen to Rush after Marina's meddling and surely Irina would have felt something (I'm pretty sure the 'teen' and the 'familiar' person is Rush and Marina respectively). What'll happen the morning afterward? Will Rush stay the same (physically at least) or will he, against Marina's expectation, revert to that thing called a Remnant and realize her greatest fear (of Godzilla-Rush running rampant)? And I'm quite sure the clingy Remnant, Simarrione, will somewhat, if not entirely, affect Rush in more ways than one.

-mimic

PS. You're one hell of a teaser you know that?

PPS. Kinda hurts when you think about it, from Rush POV, that Marina had never really thought of him as a son, not entirely at least.

Oh wow, you really gave a curve ball there. I didn't expect that, really. After all the drama I thought you'd go for the angsty (well, 'angstier') route, thankfully you didn't. The past seven chapters already made up for that, ne?

I don't really know how you would act when you're drunk. Never been drunk or been in a company of a drunk, my only experience are in the movies and in books, but as far as entertainment points goes, that was a solid eight (out of ten), and you gotta love the fan service :P (I certainly did).

Okay anyway, on a serious note, plot movement was minuscule but that's okay because this chapter was very informative and has lots of subtleties (that or I'm reading too much between the lines again). I get to see your version of Rush and Irina, and little bit more of Dave. A question, I can see a bit of a resemblance with your Remnants in SotB and in UE in terms of their diet, so should I assume that Remnants here and in SotB would be similar? Oh and is Remnant Rush and Mitra Rush different...? Or did Rush developed an alter ego of sorts when his remnant part got sealed? ...Then again if you'll going to answer that in the later chapters then you can ignore the question, don't want to spoil anything xD;

I'm just nitpicking here but you used 'alarmingly' quite often and in short intervals. Not saying that it's bad to use words repeatedly but the word just stood out like a sore thumb. The word isn't normally used so it has that kind of effect.

Will be waiting for the next update

-mimic

Welcome back! I miss reading this story and I am very happy that you updated. Truly, you made my day much brighter. I am quite surprised at Rush's actions and reactions after his use of his Remnant powers. I find it... unique and entertaining to read. I literally laughed my head off at Rush's actions towards David.

You really did give me something to think about: What is up with Rush inside? What is inside Rush?

I really can't wait for these question to be answered.

I really enjoyed reading the sibling bond between Rush and Irina, really heartwarming even the the situation is very serious.

I am looking forward to an update very soon. Keep up the good work, Kirara-san.

Yukiko Shiroryuu

...wow O_O This is one of the most intriguing fanfics I have ever read.

And it really helps that your writing skills are effing brilliant! *bows down to your awesomeness*

Hi, I just stumbled across this story and ended up reading the whole thing in one go. It's quite good, please continue, as I'm interested to see how it's going to turn out. I especially appreciate the correct/proper grammar/spelling (sorry, that's just a pet peeve of mine, but I still appreciate it!). Anyway, please update the next chapter soon, and keep up the good work!

And alas we get another cliffhanger... /x.x\

Well it can't be helped, I can't imagine a better way to end a chapter like this aside from that sort of manner, and it's not really a cliffhanger is it? I'm already expecting Rush to faint as I read through his method of handling the situation, I would have been rather disappointed if he hadn't faint truth to be told. A lot of clues pointed to that conclusion, and Rush fainting is also good for David, at least he can mule over some thoughts alone... though Rush would have given him all the time in the world (not really as there are already other distressing matters looming over their heads, and we all know that we are nearing the end of the canon story) to think things through. I just hope that Rush fainting doesn't imply something very serious regarding his health...

In another note, the chapter was rather nice, opening, middle and the conclusion were really, really nice. Smooth flow from the beginning to end, also the chain of thoughts were easy to follow 3)b

I'm very satisfied with David here, he appears human. He still has his apprehension over the whole thing, and that is completely warranted, though it's just painful to see it acted upon Rush since Rush is very endearing, and well Rush is Rush, he wouldn't dream of hurting anyone and I'm sure David knows this too. It's his fear that's keeping him from fully accepting things as it is but asking him to overcome that fear in a matter of hours would be asking for too much, much less for the impossible, after all Marquis of Athlum or not, David is still human.

In the first scene, I'm rather curious what Rush could possibly use the lipstick for, same goes for the belt. Is the lipstick a present or something? As for the belt, aside from the additional stat perks, what would he be so remorseful about... aside from the obvious part that he hid the fact that he was a Remnant, did he do something that would warrant guiltiness? OR he knows what's his job as a warden now...? That or I'm just looking more into it than I should be? XD;

I can already see trouble brewing. What would happen if and when the generals found out that Gae Bolg is no longer bounded to David, more so in regards with the leaders of the other cities and the common folks. It would be quite a mess when that happens, my oh my... Also what would Irina think of all of these? Surely she would have felt that Remnant activity happening beneath her feat...

The story is getting more interesting than ever, I'm sure that the following events would be delightfully exciting especially when Marina enters the picture. I'm curious, would Conqueror have some sort of part in all of these, or would we just see him in the final confrontation in the Sacred Lands like in the game? Regardless though, the chapter was exquisite and I would be really, as always, looking forward to the continuation :3

-mimic