Kari and namine should be jealous and try to break them up

Sweet and fluffy chapter. XD

Great story I love it I recently finished a story of 45 long chapters -_- devided into a prequel and a sequel and they ended up getting married 3. Keep up with the good work! and I recommend you to make something like the visit of sora to rikus house but making riku go to soraa house which has already been sead in the story but sora. One more thing im glad you put Namine,Kairi and Xion as good people (which a lot of authors dont do especialy with Kairi that they put her as a bitch) and ... Sephiroth is a bitch

Finished both this chapter and the one before, so here's what I think from a creative and academic point of view. In the first chapter you shove too much information all at once about Riku; him being able to somehow talk so easily to Sora feels very forced. I know you want readers to get to know him in order to find him likeable but that's why you can make more chapters. Character development should have a gradual and easy flow throughout the story.

In the chapter one you described briefly on the description of the water park that got me interested (sounds like an awesome place I'd want to swim at) but you barely scheme over the scenerary. Like the ship; you say the scenerary above the water is ropes and stuff for people to climb then several sentences later there are kids on a ship. I was like where did the ship come from? All I heard about was ropes and stuff

When characters are yelling putting their words in capitols isn't necessary and is not proper written english.

Why is Sora such a wimp? I know this isn't the Kingdom Hearts story it's a fanfiction but even so I don't think it was fair to take away Sora's original aspects. Sora was likeable in KH I-II because despite the odds againist him he always pushed to be stronger and never gave up. Here I think it's ridiculous for someone his age to not be able how to swim; unless he's truly afraid of water. You force Sora's character development too soon, instead of showing the readers why we should like the characters by having them announce it when we barely know them; show us through the experiences they go through and how they handle the situation. Think about it on; the first day I meet a person and they suddenly are compelled to tell you all their life baggage I feel uncomfortable and most people do.

I haven't read all the content yet, but why are there almost no paragraphs. Were you trying to make this chapter seem longer than it really was; because that isn't necessary. I will continue reading the chapter to give a better in depth review.

YESSS AN UPDATE! :)

hmmm...let me think...SMUT! nah just kidding. too early. but maybe...nah too mean...um...hell with it...how about on one of Sora and Riku's nightly strolls they get amushed and kidnapped and possibly raped? well...maybe not the rape part but at least the kidnapping.

ah! ive been waiting so long for this to be updated! one of my faves, so cute! haha, my cousin got stung by a jellyfish once. wrapped completely around both legs and ZAP. there were sting marks for days. now he hates them. pleaseee update soon!

Why do I love all your stories?

good job!

awww, so cute, i already read all the chapies hahah in half an hour, theyre so great! Love Riku N Sora, never expected Sephirot as Rikus dad (haha silly me, almost in all ff he IS his dad)Nice fiction, i gonna check ur other ones!

update soon

I love the story! It's so cute and sora is cute and riku is cute! OMG ROXAS SHOULD BE PAIRED WITH AXEL! AKUROKU!

The whole cooking part reminded me of my best friends they always cook together and they should totally go out but they wont. Grrr. one time one of them fell on a bag of potatos and knocked out his front teeth ahahah

I do believe the worst part of reading your work is when i get to the last chapter you've written. Please write more! I can't wait for the next chapter!

;D

3

kat

yes! I love it! I was sad how fast it flew by. This is so cute, I love how you make sora such an uke. Can't wait till the next up-date.