|Reviews for Bijin to Obake|
| Kay D. Chan 3/27/02 . chapter 13
This is pure bliss for a hopeless romantic like me...*smiles happily as she sips her water* So romantic and nicely writeen...
| Kay D. Chan 3/27/02 . chapter 12
*wipes away tears of joy* All formalities aside Hallelujah! (Yes I am a pathetic speller but leave me alone I'm happy.) Eriol-kun has saved Tomoyo-chan! The world is good and right at this moment and I'm so happy I'm getting goose bumps! Five sense descriptiveness...who cares! You managed to get me into the story without all that! *clapping* You have my applause! ,
| Kay D. Chan 3/27/02 . chapter 11
"My dear ambassador,I now truly admire your was able to bring bot the best and worst in you without really trying."she drawled.
She was able to bring *both* the best and the worst in you without really trying." *She* drawled.
That was the only really big mistake I saw (*besides the lack of spacing!) and right now I don't have much to say except that the fic is flowing out beautifully! Great job.
| Kay D. Chan 3/27/02 . chapter 10
He faced the three."Now I'm most certain that all of you are famished from the do fololow me to the table."
follow me to the table."
He smiled when he caught Tomoyo looking at her woman,in turn,blushed profusely and looked away.
He smiled when he caught Tomoyo looking at *him* sideways.
She's also starting to see him in a whole new began to see him not as an arrogant all-knowing stranger but a funny,kind,patient,intelligent and caring man who was in desperate need of a friend.
She blinked when she saw him grin at her teasingly ,she was staring at him AGAIN!
She suddenly shook her head as if she was snapping herself out of just suddenly recalled her vivid dream when she received her first kiss from a faceless stranger one rainy afternoon while she was making eye contact with the obake!
Overuse of the pronoun "She" consider revising.
(Aw gawd I've always wanted to say that! _ It sounds so...professional! *cough* yes well)
The situation here in Japan is far from stable,but the people here are only we can show them that we are in their country to befriend them-"Eriol was saying when the red-haired woman who introduced herself as Kaho Mizuki stood up."Forgive my rudeness,gentlemen,but it seems that slumber is calling me."
Make sure your placing the quotation marks in the right areas. It seems as if he's saying one thing when he should be saying another.
(Lack of spacing still irking poor Dee)
*gazes at screen teary-eyed* This is just too much excitement for an over sensitive gal like myself *wipes away tears*...Like I said the plot makes up for a lot...;;
| Dee-chan moongiggles89hotmail.com 3/27/02 . chapter 9
*lmao* This chapter cracked me up...I was biting my lip the whole time, holding my breathe to see what you would do. I'm stopping the rating reviews for now due to the fact it's 11pm! *yawn* I will read on though. But in anycase some of the descriptiveness has left and the chps are shorter but the plot makes up for everything. Best luck writing!
| Kay D. Chan 3/27/02 . chapter 4
She then heard the sound of the hoooves of turned around and saw an elegant horse-drawn coach passing on the was about to step aside to give way when the it stopped right beside her.
Notice how often you used "She" here? The beginning of every sentence in that paragraph.
"Going home?"A deep male voice asked."Can,I mean,may I give you a ride?"
I think you should try something like, "Can I...I mean, may I give you a ride?"
e brushed his lips lightly on hers and waited anxiously for her reaction.
*lmao* Lookie he's crushin on her and she's ill with a fever...oy Eriol is so dang funny...*cough* The better review is the next one...
| Dee-chan moongiggles89hotmail.com 3/27/02 . chapter 3
I won't give this a full review seeing as this is a rather short chapter but the writing is still good. A note is that I think you should separate scenes with ***.
Future Ruler of the World and
Resident Anime Goddess
| Dee-chan moongiggles89hotmail.com 3/27/02 . chapter 2
Style of Writing: 9
Beautiful! Very descriptive and the dialogue is great!
"He realized how breathtakingly beautiful she delicate feature of her face was contrast of her peaches and creams complexion with her dark silky tresses was good heavens,her voice sounded like an angel when she spoke with no venom or sarcasm just like awhile ago when she was speaking to herself."
Do you realize how absolutely lovely that sounded?
You get a higher rating due to the beautiful wording but the spelling errors here and there irk me to death and as a beta reader (in training ;;sort of)the lack of spacing in certain areas annoys me insanely...
I've read a few fics taking us back to olden days though for sure Tomoyo was never as outspoken as she is here and Eriol not as devious and heck you beat em all in descriptive writing.
I have *extremely* high expectations for this and I *know* you are just the author to go above and beyond.
You're from the Philippines? O.O I was *born* there! I live in the USA now but we're visiting this summer! I think it's nice to meet someone online who shares the same culture.
I think needs much better reviewers. I admit that I was once one of those:
"Oh oh write another chapter! Your fic is Great great great!" reviewers but I refuse to review like that again (thanx to my friends at ). As an author is flattering to recieve such kind compliments but how are authors supposed to get better if they don't know *what* it is that makes you like the story so?
| Moonlit Rain 3/25/02 . chapter 19
I LOVED THE STORY ALL THE WAY THROUGH! OMG, I LOVE IT!
| Moonlit Rain 3/25/02 . chapter 18
SAD! I HAVE TO READ THE LAST CHAPTER!1
| Moonlit Rain 3/25/02 . chapter 17
Although I'm uncomfortable with lemons, I loved this chapter! HAVE TO GO ON!
| Moonlit Rain 3/25/02 . chapter 16
I LOVE IT, OMG, I LOVE THIS!
| Moonlit Rain 3/25/02 . chapter 15
NOOOOOOO! ERIOL CAN'T LEAVE! AHHHHHHHH, I HAVE TO GO ON!
| Moonlit Rain 3/25/02 . chapter 14
I loved Tomoyo's little marriage theory! _ I also loved the last part!
| wicherwill 3/25/02 . chapter 1
And while I love this story, I want to be my normal self and point out one thing...
Walt Disney's 'Tale/Tail as Old as Time' didn't exsist in the 1800's! But other than that, I've probably read this story a million and one times.