|Reviews for Locks of Time|
| The Critical One 3/14/13 . chapter 10
Well, let me just come out and say this. I didn't like your story.
BUT, that doesn't mean that it can't be changed. Fortunately for you, when I review, I make sure that I leave some advice that can be applied to your story.
Yes, I do have an account on here, I'm just too lazy to sign on. If you have any other questions about your review, leave them in my PM box, The Queen of Asgard.
ANYWAY...moving onto your story.
I think your OC is extrememly boring. She's got no flaws, she's got no qualms in which I can see. She's got every guy she's come across falling for her or believing she's someone she's not. Now, in the business, we like to call that a Mary Sue. Now, I don't think she's completely lost yet but I haven't found anything that really stands out and screams "here I am! Read me!"
Now, this is an easy fix. Just spice her up. Add some flaws or something that will make her seem more realistic. It's pretty easy, believe me. Start growing her character! It's not too hard!
Next, I found your story plot excruciatingly hard to follow. Now, I don't know if it was because I was skimming or that I really can't read things but I feel like there's no real plot to this story. Try and have an underlining plot that twists and turns throughout the story because that's what I felt was missing. I feel like this is just a bunch of random little stories piled into one centering around your OC.
Finally, your grammar could use some work. Without going into horrible details, I will just say that you need to add periods where there's none and some commas and such.
You've got D spot on. You're doing a good job there. I applaud you for that.
Now, don't look at this like a flame. Consider it a...wakeup call to writing. My best suggestion is a good beta reader that will help you out with wording and character development. Remember those two words, CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT because if you want to write for the world then sweetheart, you've got to grow your characters. Do you know why so many people hate Twilight? It's because NONE OF THE CHARACTERS GREW. AT ALL. EVER.
Anywhoo, just a heads up, I am a HUGE fan of VHD and I am BEYOND willing to help you. Just let me know so that I can brush up on the movies and books and such.
Keep on trucking!
The Critical One
(p.s. My pen name is The Queen of Asgard as well so send all inquiries there!)
| Guest 12/15/12 . chapter 11
Holy shiz this is a good story pleaseeee update I LOVE this alot also have d come back for her if u can T.T I don like how d left her
| Ultimolu 9/4/12 . chapter 2
Well gee, this isn't good.
| Ultimolu 9/4/12 . chapter 1
...I hate to admit this but D is hot. o_O
I just watched the movie and I was like 'he's the silent-type hottie'. I think I would have fainted if he saved me.
| Cereza101 7/24/12 . chapter 11
I remember reading this story last year. And its finally been updated!
| Guest 7/8/12 . chapter 11
I absolutly love your story! Sorry first time reader here, but i love it! please update soon!
| Guest 7/8/12 . chapter 11
;u; love love lovvvveeeee please don't leave this unfinished! 3333333
| jusa lilcrazE 11/27/11 . chapter 10
what the nose?(my way of not swearing)Get more of the romance in there please!D needs a little more love,even if he is a man whore any rate, I love the WRITING IF FOR ONLY MY SAKE!
| kimmie93 8/11/11 . chapter 9
i love it, i can't wait for the other chapter keep on writing /
| Saz8599 6/18/11 . chapter 1
Love the story, can't wait to read more!
| Ryle Culler 1/11/11 . chapter 5
I love your story.
| redbunny13 8/26/10 . chapter 3
I have to tell you, I'm in love with the story already! -squeals- But I hope she doesn't eat the heart it's going to be nasty to read, XD
I'll be waiting for the next chapter! :D
| Eadlin 7/24/10 . chapter 3
Another awesome chapter!_
I don't know why, but I burst out laughing when Count Lazzar told her to eat the heart! And immediately gagged afterwards...XD
| Eadlin 7/9/10 . chapter 1
I really like this story! _
I'm suprised that there aren't any reviews up for it already- but the Vampire Hunter D section is one of the more quiet ones and readers are lazy! _; Anyways; it means that I get to bag first review!
I think that it's well written and I can't wait to read more!
I LOVED the comment from Left Hand at the end of the first chapter! XD
Keep up the good work!