i feel like you didn't get samatha carter character just right. unless she was on her period,i dont think she would get upset about o'neil making that comment about "todays youth"

Good O'neil though!

Sweet. Can't wait for the next one. Lemme know if you need...some time.

Nice work! Can't wait to see the NEXT story in the series.

Bring it on! You're damned automatic weapons can't hurt me! *Weapon fires, bullets get deflected away.* Told ya.

Get that next chapter up. Rift Hunters, huh? *Smirks* Gotta take a crack at them. *Cracks knuckles*

Sweetness, 1337, whatever. Nice chapter

Well the obvious choice for the villian would be that Pllygmund the small character from the first story... of course, that's assuming you haven't already thought of that. Of course, you could always have that black demon guy from the second story come back and be fused with plygmund the small for a really powerfull boss-type character but what would be the point in that?

anyways, this is all of course assuming you're going to stick with what you've already used, which of course would be ludicrus. It would break the rule of general insanity.

Anyways, other than this sneitre series being completely insane, it's not half bad... hehehe.

I finally read the first of the three stories, and found it rather lacking in the paragraph department... I see you've managed to conquer that problem quite well...

Your dialogue is getting better... it's a LOT better than the first story's dialogue, much more believable, and your descriptions are getting mroe original, with a better use of the words. So there is a LOT of improvement.

Still, there is a lot of room for improvement, but that's true for almost all artists.

Basically, the only areas i've seen that you could really use some help with is scenes. You don't seem to use scenes much... instead of breaking the story-line and picking it up again later-on, you keep it going throughout.

Example: Fifteen minutes later this happened... then they sat around for a half an hour chatting, all the while something else is happening.

Notice how broken that is? It's similiar but far more evident as what you use... what you should try to do is use scenes... think of the story as a made-for-tv-movie... put in spaces where there would be commercials.

Work on that, and it'll really help your writing... Other than that, keep up the good work, because you really could be quite good if you keep at it. At least some of the ideas you are using are original, and you're at least trying to have it make sense, other than some stuff that i've read.

Anyways, gotta go now, hurry up and keep going, because i'm interested now, hehehe.

Arthur E. King

P.S. PLEASE take a look at some of my stuff... I'm begging! I leave so many reviews, and have so few! *falls to his knees, tears of self-pity streaming down his cheeks*

hey, you can't leave the story when it gets to the good part. please write the rest of it. i can't wait to read this. its so interesting. i am waiting to see what is going to happen next. make it good.

Ok the Rift Hunters are starting to make me mad. Why can't they leave my friends alone? Oh well I'll send the walking army after them.

Sabian: I'm a walking army?

...close enough.

Best chapter yet. *gives anime 'v for victory'* Keep on it, man!

Nice one! Say...did you want me to do an intro for you?

ABOUT TIME! Good chapter man. Now get another one out. NOW! MOVE! *Gets a cat o' nine tails*

Good job, man. I like this chapter, even though absolutely NOTHING happened. Even so, this was good, and I'm looking forward to see how this 'wisdom' of mine progresses.

I liked Hammond! I cant wait too seem talk to either Jack or Sam about their feelings. That'll show'em.

*Looks at the giggling MALE soldier and blasts him with an Energy Beam*

Shut the HELL up! You ain't gonna get us, frickin' faggot Rift Hunter!

Nice work on this chapter.