|Reviews for Cookies, Games & Snowcones XXL|
| Guest 4/13/13 . chapter 4
| Eregnar 6/17/10 . chapter 4
Aw... sweet ending. Seems like Skipper should have been at least a little ticked, though.
Now for the critiques.
First, things that DESPERATELY need rewording. "Well, the only way to fetch it back is to go down the sewer and explore its slimy, creepy pipes, full of TRACKS, BOOBS and nasty little rats"
First off, pick a word besides boobs. That just sounds wrong. Maybe you meant booby-traps? And I'm not sure what you meant by tracks, unless you also meant traps.
"Rogers spiky bag emerging slowly from the water surface." This also could easily be taken the wrong way. Better to say "Roger's (remember the apostrophe) spiky HEAD."
"Skipper gave a sign to Rico and Private, who carefully lifted Kowalski up. They waddled up to the edge of the pavement, hopped to Rogers back and placed his mate beside.
" OK, this makes it sound like Kowalski is Roger's mate. Ick. Perhaps you could blend the sentences to something like: "Skipper gave a sign and Rico and Private carefully lifted Kowalski up onto Roger's back before hopping up after him."
Now for other things. You had a lot of typos, and I'm not going to list them all here. However, there is one large one I would like to point out: "Asecurating" is not a word. Perhaps you meant "securing."
Also what I said about "chirp" goes for "tweet" as well.
Anywho, I've had a good time reading your story. I liked the plot very much. I hope my critiques help you to improve your writing skills. Good luck with your further writing :)
| Eregnar 6/17/10 . chapter 3
Poor penguins. :)
I like your story, it's fun seeing Kowalski in charge, even if he is messing up royally.
Now for some critiques. I noticed you use a few adjectives and that I've never heard before, such as "humpily" (in chapter two). I looked it up and it's not in the dictionary. It might be best to stick to real words in the narrative portion of your story. You might be able to get away with it some in dialogue, but using a fake word to describe a scene is just confusing. Also, you overuse both "goggled" and "chirped." There's more than one way to say "stared in wide-eyed amazement," and since goggled is such an uncommonly used word, it might be best to use it less frequently, and also include more common ones. As for "chirped," most penguins aren't particularly chirpy birds (the chicks chirp, but the adults sound more like ducks with soar throats), so it's probably not an appropriate word for any of the penguins except maybe Private once in a while. Don't be afraid of the word "said," or even completely leaving off the "said" part if it still makes sense without it.
Anyway, very cute story. I hope things work out for the penguins.
| Skoolgrl09 5/31/10 . chapter 4
to see Skipper was not mad or I would have .(BTW:Sorry, I did not review, right away. I was at a weekend long camping trip with my family and had no access to my computer.) job on this story. Keep up the terrific work.
| moved1account 5/30/10 . chapter 4
AWW! That was sweet. Lovely story. I can see this being an episode.
| SkullDestroyer 5/30/10 . chapter 4
Awwwz! That was soooooo cute!
I liked this story! It's going on my favs. :D
| SBATP 5/29/10 . chapter 3
Awwwwwz Poor Private. So sad for him. But I like the story! :D
Update soon! :D
| moved1account 5/28/10 . chapter 2
Tsk tsk tsk. LOL The penguins are a lot like grown-up kids sometimes. Kowalski better step up or Skipper is gonna find out, or worse, they is gonna be attacked by a crazy villianous dolphi and not be able to fight back! O.O
| Skoolgrl09 5/27/10 . chapter 2
all flaked on training. If Skipper ever finds out about that, his team had better start thinking of a good plan to hide from him or come up with a more valid excuse, because playing games is not going to fly, unless Skipper expected something like that to happen with Kowalski in charge. You know, it would be funny if almost the same thing happened to Skipper, once, when he was in the same position as Kowalski, before he started leading the group that he has, .Great job. Keep up the excellent work.
| moved1account 5/26/10 . chapter 1
Oh teh noes! poor skipper. :( I am very anxious to see Kowalksi fill in for him, though. Wonder What obstacles willcome his way? Update soon. _
| Skoolgrl09 5/26/10 . chapter 1
Aww. Poor Skipper.I know exactly how he feels, since I have caught throw up bugs, far as Kowalski filling in for Skipper goes, I think he has the ability to learn and teach whatever Skipper has planned for the team, too. To make it clear, I know that Kowalski catches on to brain activities quicker, but still has the ability to battle, so he should be okay with temporarily leading the team. He has done it, before on the TV series. Anywho. Keep up the great work.
| SkullDestroyer 5/26/10 . chapter 1
Wow. Poor Skipper. I hope he feels better soon. :D