I really can't keep track of the story because of the run-on sentences. Sorry. It looks promising anyway.

Great story you should totally continue:)

Okay, I've got a few statements; you already know that run-on sentences are a bit of a problem for you, and that either you need to be on the look out for them when you write, or you need a beta-reader. But you've got the story down - that's good.

I'm surprised by the magnitude of effect the Pits have on Kelsier. I'm not sure if I like it or not, but you have a good challenge for him to overcome. Now he's questioning his sanity, there's pressure building up between the skaa... good setup for a plot twist.

Another thing that surprises me is Kelsier's choice to ignore Mare. I can understand that she 'betrayed' him, but I'm not sure it's in Kelsier's character to hurt the ones he loves. I can see how the questionable sanity, the memories, etc., could influence him to make that choice, yet I kind of want to see him triumph through to Mare.

But I don't know what you're planning, so maybe it will all make sense later. Anyway, I'll keep watching, and see where you go with this. Good luck!

Great story, I love hearing a story from Kelsier's perspective. My only note-watch the run-on sentences! Please update soon, though!

Still liking the story! update soon! I like the quotes at the beginning of each chapter. I don't recall any of them actually being in the books, but they sound like something each of the characters would say.

I like the story's idea, it has promise, but I think you need a beta reader. There were a lot of grammar errors that could be fixed to make it a better story. Keep writing though, I'll keep track of this!

I like the quote at the beginning; it's cute.

I'm not sure what I think about the OCs, but I haven't spent much time with them, so... I honestly thought Tristan was gonna last longer, but apparently not. That's good, keeps the readers on their toes.

Keep going, I want to see what you've got planned for Kelsier.

Hm.

Well, I am certainly keeping track of this story. There's a few grammar issues, but I like the premise. Kelsier in the Pits of Hathsin - and I'll say, I looked for any slips where Kelsier used Allomancy, and none caught my notice, so kudos to you for remaining accurate to the story!

One last thing: Is that quote at the top, from Mare, actually in the book? I really would like to know.

Good story, and please continue!