Beg pardon, but while this reads like a good story, shouldn't this be an original story?

No offense, even if this is an "Original Generation" (original character only story), it needs to have SOME vestigial resemblance to a SRW style story, and I honestly do not see one.

Unless you plan to establish this does have a connection of SRW style plot, you should probably repost this on Fictionpress, because it reads more like a good original story.

Like your story so far,keep up the good work.

BEWK