May some one seek for my story; Birthday Arrivals, where Luigi finds out he's going to be a 'daddy'. And this story isn't bad, but there again, it's not top quality- people are trying to help :) x

For the love of all things good; learn to spell, proper grammar, and punctuation.

The first chapter was decent, just spell check it, and try not to mention that its a movie, it makes it less real to the reader. Still, good 1st fic, keep it up.

...Wow, I kind of feel like I've been ignored.

Deary, it's good you're brimming with ideas, but I'm afraid I have to state the truth here;

This story is quickly sloping further and further downwards and after the 'Pandora' part, not only has this advanced from the Mary-sue it already was, but it has also become a collage of random fandoms of no particularly patterned origin... That's a very bad thing...

...Seriously?

Doth mine eyes deceive me, or is this another Mary-Sue fic?

...

Why, yes. Yes it is.

Lord, if I had to hurt myself every time I saw one of these, I'd be lookin' like a murder victim.

Although yours, your fanfiction, I loathe it with all my heart already.

Am I one of the few Repo! fans that can actually spell and doesn't write bad "OMG PAVI/LuIGI LARGO LOVEEESS ME!111" fics?

...Then again, I don't write fanfics, strictly because you fangirls have gotten me scared of what might happen.

Although, this does serve as fair warning to REAL writers out there.

When I first read the reviews to this story I thought, no it can't be that bad...

Wrong

I am really trying to not be a hypicrite here because I am writing a story right now and I do make some spelling and grammar mistakes, however I have improved and my plot makes sence.

Why on earth is the Avatar in this, that makes no sence what so EVER.

Now at the moment I sound like a bitch, and I am sorry but you spell like me when I was 5, and I still spell things wrong,I HAVE A PROBLEM, but not things like was,wus is not a word. Also your character is far to mary sue-ish, so just go back, delete this story and try again we will not judge you for one bad story we have all been there. If not this kind of work is more liked on

W-what the fucking HELL is this?

How old are you?

Your spelling and grammar, is absolute SHIT!

Aang is spelled with two 'A''s by the way.

I'm not trying to sound mean, but you have not made any improvements whatsoever.. And why is Ang there, really? This is the repoverse, and little boys with crap on their heads do not go... -sighs- I need to calm down. Seriously though...I'm 14 and mature, I can handle Repo, but can you? Really?

Okay, before you jump into this 'I'm flaming you spoof' I'm going to tell you everything I've gathered from your story and everything you seem to be questioning. First off, here I am, you can click on my name and ask me as many questions as you like. I'm no stranger to OC or Original Character stories, I'm working on one right now where most of the characters in the story, do, in fact, belong to me.

What the problem is and why people keep coming at you (and no, I'm not being rude and I'm not trying to upset you, just make you understand that you can do better.)

Your spelling; You need to read over your work. After you finish writing, go back to the top and reread it for mistakes.

Mistakes include: run on sentences, improper spelling and punctuation (a major problem you have is spelling Luigi as 'Lugig') It's as if you're in such a massive hurry to advance your story that you're not paying any attention at all to what you're really writing. Trust me, I know this stuff, I did it when I first started writing too. I was an ignorant twelve year old who thought people would just read it and love it but such is not the case.

Lengthening as story is not a bad thing. Adding extra paragraphs of description of the characters and the surroundings makes the story seem more real. Let readers read between the lines as well, try to keep people in suspense, make it more interesting. It would help a lot if you developed your OC a little more; all that we really know about her is that she's super-duper-ultra-omega gorgeous... That's not enough unfortunately. It actually kind of destroys her as a character in general.

Yes, I'm going to use the word you hate; 'Mary-Sue' (Every beginning author at some point in their lives, whether posted or not has written one of these and so, we definitely know.)

A Mary-Sue is a very underdeveloped, two-dimensional character who is created based upon the authoress but tweaked to a point of perceived perfection. Raven, for example, is extremely smart, and extremely beautiful, and extremely, well... perfect. There is no such thing as a perfect person in the real or fictional verse. A tragic past, for example, being and orphan, is not a flaw. People have flaws.

I'm not saying I don't like you, I'm saying your created fictional character needs a little more development. People rewrite and redo stories and chapters all the time. I redid the first chapter of one of my stories three times because it bothered me. It's a part of being an author, well known or amateur.

Now, I do understand your story and I do understand your concept; however, many people will not and that is not because they're stupid or because you are stupid for that matter. It is simply because you have written this story in a way that you understand it, not everyone else. When you post something on the internet for everyone to see and you want positive feedback, you need to stop before you type and think to yourself 'What is the best way that I can make people see this the way that I do?' That's what the magical 'rough draft' is for. (And before you tell me you don't need to do that, trust me, you do and I know what I'm talking about. I can assure you I'm a highschool graduate with the highest mark in my grade for the literary focus standards exam. They are taking an excerpt from my work, my final draft of the short story in the exam and putting it in the next standards exam. Yes, I know what I'm doing. Rough Drafts are your friend.)

Now then, if you would like, and if you can be kind enough to consider, you can ask one of these fine authors who have been trying to tell you the truth about your work for some help. For example, to start for a while, you can write up a rough draft and talk to one of them, even me if you want, and give them the basic concept. Ask them if your spelling is right, if the paragraph is put together properly, is the last sentence you wrote sounds right to them. If you do this with us or even with a good and honest friend, you're well on your way to making yourself into a better author.

People here do not dislike you, we're all here to try and tell the truth and help eachother out. We're not telling you to stop writing, we want you to rethink what you are writing, review, revise, touch up and make it even better, potentially the best you can write.

It's always good to see more authors who want to write on this site; it's even better when those authors are here to share and improve upon themselves. Think about that for a bit. I'll know what kind of person you are by your reply or even if you reply.

What is 'flaiming'? And I clearly told you that I do not hate you, nor do I want you to stop writing. You just don't fully understand us, either that or you're taking in all our reviews the wrong way. I tried to read your summary [I wanted to understand] but I just couldn't make out what it said. You still have to imrpove on your spelling. Use Microsoft Word to revise your story and see how many errors there are. That would really improve things.

..you still don't get it...-_-

"I am not a trol and I am not stupid and I am 14 and I can sperll!" ...Sperll & trol...you didn't spell it right and you said that you could. Remember that. Also remember to not use more than one "and" in a sentence.

You, darling, are clearly either a troll or an idiot. I am sorry if that sounds harsh, but look at it from the readers perspective. We have been nothing but kind, with a few exceptions, and I particularly commend Dinosaur for the continued interest in helping you. However, you have simply plowed forward with this mess, which now has two utterly inexplicable cross overs. I don't get the troll vibe from you, personally, you're so very earnest, a troll usually just wants to insult and cause trouble. So therefore, I must go with option two.

However, I think it is clear that you are far too young to have seen Repo! I don't mean in age, I mean in maturity, since in your world, love works like in the Little Mermaid.

I am still here to give you tips, if you so choose and will listen to them, pm me and I will gladly respond,

Your Friendly Neighborhood Alchemist

Here's my reply.

I just want to let you know that I don't hate you. I just want your story to improve. I keep checking because I want to see if you improve. And honestly, you can give your name online. There is no way that someone can track you down by knowing your first name. You probaly know alot of peoples names online and they don't have any stalker or what not. You're 14. And I'd love to see you improve.

Lauren

Why won't you tell us your name anyways? Like your first name. It's not like were going to stalk you.

Just don't give your last name and adress

& Please, you're taking all of our reviews wrong.

You're completely ignoring us.

She means "DRUG ADDICT"

Not "drug attic". Sheesh.