|Reviews for The Lost World: Final Season|
| Gemini Explorer 2/10/11 . chapter 8
Just finished Chapter 8. Please get back to this. I have become addicted!
I see that in places, you remembered to spell the archery weapon as "bow", not as "bo." Yes, it has the same spelling as "bow", what men do when women curtsy. (Laughing Smilie here.) They are pronounced differently.
This is really well thought out and working well, although I'm not sure that it's practical to shoot black powder on flaming arrow tips. But the Tribune bit was good, although it was Challenger, not Avalon, who devised the gunpowder, I think.
Very odd to see Ned in this role. Has Abigail not aged?
This is getting really good. I'm so interested that I've quit groaning out loud at your spelling issues! (Laughing Smilie.)
Please let M&R and N&V be together, and Finn and Vee be best friends. Let George and Finn be very close, even if you don't see them together, as I do. (See my fics here in the Mature-Rated area, if you're old enough, although they aren't too "graphic", compared to many.) Maybe they could be surrogate father/counselor and daughter figure? I had Finnykins evolve and also be very close friends with Marguerite. (Kruxlahoo.)
Sorry: this is your fic. Write it the way it feels best, to you.
One bit that you could use somehow: I think I'm the only one to note that Finn would speak Brazilian Portuguese as well as English. She was born on the Plateau in the 21st Century! She is ethnically Anglo, but nationally as much a Brazilian as Ana Beatriz Barros or Alessandra Ambrosio. (Search those girls if you don't know them.) Finn and Marg. could communicate in Portugeuse, which Mordren might not speak.
And you could describe the air (in battles) as filled with arrows, as it must have been at Agincourt in 1415. (Did you see, "Henry V"?)
More! More! Soon!
| Gemini Explorer 2/10/11 . chapter 4
This chapter about Finn has the same basic grammar and spelling errors that typify your work, but you said that you don't take this seriously. With that in mind, you were creative and clever, and I enjoyed most of it, quite a lot.
I'll check later to see if you wrote what became of Finn. The reservoir as a conduit to the normal TLW time frame sounds good. I recall pools of water being similar tunnels to different places, like to Tribune's version of Rome.
But you used the date of the book - 1912- when the TV show had the Challenger Expedition departing London in 1919. That allows for certain changes in weapons and aircraft, even cars. Not that they had cars in most eps. My own later fics (some published here in the section for Mature TLW stories) take the explorers off of the Plateau. In the latest (now being written on a different board) they are in Kenya hunting a man-eating mythical animal in 1929. It would be harder to manage that if we use the 1912 date, and Roxton in the show couldn't have been a WW I hero, nor could Marg. have been a double agent during the war. So, I suggest that you adopt the 1919 starting date. The TV show was only loosely based on the book, as has been the case with several such movies.
The idea of a cloaked stranger works well, and reminds me of the fur cloak worn by Vee when Finn thought she was an intruder. But if Finn had had this hiding place in New Amazonia, why was she starving when she met George on the show?
You could explain that the slavers had cut her off from this additional hideout.
But Finn's value to the slavers is to catch her and sell her, or to use her as their own sex toy. Why shoot at her, unless it was with darts with drugs to knock her out so that she could be captured? Same for the dogs. They'd use them to track her, but not to maul or kill her. Pretty girls are valuable merchandise only if alive!
Think people's motivations through instead of resorting to a lot of fast action, so typical of fantasy TV.
I'm trying to help. Put yourself in the minds of your characters to see how they'd think and act.
And please look out for Finn and get her back to her friends. I really like that girl. I had her marry Challenger in my fics, after Jessie died of flu. Most fic scribes haven't done that, but please care for her and let her be happy and close to the others. Lara Cox played that role so well that I think the eps without her seem incomplete!
| Megagalvatron12 1/18/11 . chapter 8
awsome story keep it up and its weird that malone is a bad guy
| Callie 12/20/10 . chapter 7
PLease wright more it is very good! I would like to see how you were going to finsh it.
| sexyroxton 9/5/10 . chapter 5
i'm liking this story,,cant wait for next chapter/s...
| Gemini Explorer 8/21/10 . chapter 3
I will comment on all three chapters thus far. (READ ALL OF THIS BEFORE DECIDING WHAT I THINK OF YOUR STORY. THE REVIEW DOES GET KINDER!)
Your grasp of writing skills is awful, to be frank. You need to learn how to separate paragraphs as the characters speak, to spell far better, and learn what words mean. Learn the difference between to, too, and two. (This is probably the most common flaw among fic writers.) You need to learn the difference between "peace of mind" and giving someone a "piece of your mind." Some words that sound the same have far different meanings! (And spellings!)
You need to learn what a "headhunter" is. It is a native who cuts off an enemy's head and shrinks/dehydrates it to display it in his hut. Certain tribes in Amazonia do this, and Dyaks in Borneo used to. The men after Finn weren't trying to take her head. They wanted her living body to sell. Such men are called slavers. Finn would be a slave girl, a chick compelled to serve her master in any way that he wished, although sexual service would be most likely. (She might also have to do all of the housework, etc.) The "head hunters" who shot Summerlee were just barbarians.
Had Roxton been shot in the chest with one of those Spanish muskets, he wouldn't have done much but die, except on TV. Those things pack a whallop! He didn't have his rifle, either, did he? He was holding his Colt .45 Govt. Model pistol as the Spanish pursued him and Marguerite.
So much for most of the grousing. On the plus side, you have a wonderful imagination and sense of plotting, at a fanciful TV level. I am fascinated to see where this tale goes. Please look after Finn, on whom I have a crush! (See my Mature-rated fics here, where she is a main character.)
I want this to end well for all of the group, although Summerlee was never missed by me. I thought he was a pompous moralist and fuddy duddy. Many disagree! But get Ned and Vee together! And John and Marg.
You have a flair for storytelling. If only you can master the basic skills of writing, you'll be able to write books, I bet!
Read some and see how the paragraphing, spelling, and such is done. I look forward to reading the remainder of this story. In spite of the atrocious language errors, I'm much intrigued by it! Congratulations!
| roxtonissexy 8/20/10 . chapter 3
love this story sooooooooo far...hope u write loads more...
| roxtonissexy 8/19/10 . chapter 2
i quite enjoyed this...hope you'll do more...