That was really enjoyable, good story :)

Perhaps that the ending came far too quickly though ;)

Dear me lad I think I fell in love with your story. Pity it is over, but I did enjoy it. A very nice, long, and bumby ride it took me through. You did a wonderful job, keep up the good work, and god bless you.

I.

You keep using the phrase "out of place" in the first couple of paragraphs-we got it the first time and you've provided us with enough details of Corben and his surroundings that we've made our own judgments that yes, he is out of place.

"Only I have held out against this threat from the rabble. However, this has become very taxing. I want you to help me make this less taxing."

Maybe change it to "However, this has become very taxing. I want you to help me make it less so."?

Nicely played little pissing match between K.T. and Stevie Ray at the club. Stevie Ray's just enjoying the act a little too much, isn't he?

I.

Love the Highlander reference.

Oh great...the Toreador is going to try and "culture" the Gangrel...this should go over just lovely. Actually, it went better than I expected-he didn't break anyone's nose. And you've already got me intrigued by Butterfly.

IV.

K.T. seems a little uncharacteristically whiny about the possibility of seeing Maria again.

Ah, come on! Ernie would be hilarious as a vampire. Who says all vampires have to be lean?

For some reason, I have this picture in my head of K.T. as a kind of Connor Macleod person. Maybe it's just the Highlander reference from earlier and the brown duster.

V.

Damn, they got fire power. Archon is in over his head. I wonder who hooked Terry up with that kind of military surplus. I'm sensing political intrigue here. And mining driveways? Brilliantly vicious. Ok, Terry's explanation is completely bull.

I happen to like Johnny-logic. The kid is quick on his feet.

VI.

So I'm guessing Butterfly is a Malk. Makes sense, given the wings and all.

Ambrose is cool. With what little we get of him, he seems to be quite a character. Maybe someone worth revisiting. Maybe not.

VII.

I knew Terry had connections! I just didn't think he was full-blown Sabbat. Ok, wasn't expecting Torrey though-I figured she was just a stupid kid being strung along.

That's why Maria was so stereotypically Toreador in a story full of non-stereotypical characters. She was only acting.

Nice touch always having Terry interupted when he's being "artistic". It's nice to see things not go perfectly right for the villain all the time.

Like I said, I like Johnny-logic. The kid is as quick with his lying as he is with the pinching of wallets.

VI.

Rapier...that has to be the best use of the Toreador art-obsession I've ever heard of.

A nice, tight little story. K.T. is a strong character, and I like the bit about the coat. The 1989 setting is convincing as well and makes for a bit of flavor. The ending was fast-paced and the last battle didn't drag out too much. I like Johnny and Butterfly and hope K.T. runs into them again, somewhere in the future.

wow. it was very good. ur an excellent writer )

BRAVO! BRAVO! JOLLY GOOD SHOW! I loved everything about this. It was interesting to see a story written so far in the past. I thought it was great when Torrey said "Thanks." And then pistolwhipped him into obliviousness. I loved the battle scenes too, very descriptive and gory...just what us skinchangers need. ::shifts crinos and gives it to thumb claws and two big toe claws up!::

All right! Another K.T. Corben story under my belt. Of course you know that I'm going to say I liked it, of course you know I'm going to bow down a bit and grovel at your feet and say 'oh please, please Mr. Icy Mike, please write more K.T. "I rock the Gangrel world" Corben stories for me..." But since you know all that I figure, why bother writing it, instead I'll brutally tear into your life's work in an attempt to make myself feel more important! (Diabolical music plays while I cackle evilly) Overall (of course) the story is solid and requires little work, however there are a few nitpicky details and thoughts I had while reading it. One, when Terry Dominates K.T. If K.T. wants to appear honest shouldn't he have called out Terry for Dominating him (even if it didn't work...seems to me that's what he would have done had it worked) Two, there were one or two instances of a bad word slipping in (i.e. fair instead of fare when talking about eating) I know these things are a pain to root out, but I regret to inform you a few still yet live in your tale. Three, why does K.T. seem unsuprised when Johnny summons up shadows in the art house raid? I don't seem to recall anyone ever explaining that one to Corben. Finally, the actios surrounding the entire torture of Johnny and K.T. by Torrey runs a bit strange and was hard for me to follow, I think a rewrite there would be nice. However, other then that the story was great. The politics were fun, the action tense, the characters solid. It was really neat to see one of the first K.T. Corben stories and see how he's grown and changed since then. A great read, two claws up!

Great story. You really have talent for this sort of thing. As an avid V:tMer, I find that you do these better then any I've seen yet. Keep up the good work.

While I would like to send this in to White Wolf, I have to mention that I'm still pissed with Rein-Hagen for what he did to the Sabbat and Wrewolf in Third edition...

This is easily the best piece of literature on this site. Someone needs to contact White Wolf about getting a job. There were, as previously mentioned, some grammatical errors, and some parts could use some literary flourish and shine, but those are the exceptions, not the rule. I especially liked how two common pitfalls were avoided: the hero got his ass kicked, Bruce Willis style (too often writers will baby pet characters, I think...), and the story did not too heavily rely on prewritten stuff (in this case, Kindred: the Embraced). This seriously needs to be looked at by someone in a position to do something about it - send a copy to the people in charge of Vampire!

I think you did an excellent job with this story. Story flows well, and has enough surprises and intricacies to help the reader forget that this is an actual short story (and not a single fanfic scene like much of the stuff on this site). Characters are wonderful, especially that fun-loving Yashida. :) Finally, this is amazingly grammatically clean. You must have had some wonderful beta readers. (heh heh heh) Anyway, write some more about that K.T. guy... like maybe a romance... set in New York. You could call it "Bullets Over Broadway" or something.

good story!

The characters were well written (Johnny Yashida was easily my favourite, and sets new standards for vampire coolness...!)

the plot was detailed and surprising, without becoming too convoluted,

It seemed to me that you might need a little more variation in your vocab, but it's a fairly minor point, and it didn't detract from the story...

A great, action packed tale, please write more!