|Reviews for A DAy of Change|
| lytebrytehybrid88 1/19/13 . chapter 18
Is Bella gonna die some kind of painful death after all she caused everyone?
| Kawaiipandachan16 12/26/12 . chapter 18
bella was always a shedevil to me XD
| Dark-Angel-Princess 01 12/1/12 . chapter 18
please update soon
| b3yondimaginations 10/12/12 . chapter 18
the plot is great but some parts r jumpy and confusing. and how did jacob become alive again? his heart clearly stopped beating. i think he shud be angrier at edward tho.
| Sadness Of Gaia 1/30/12 . chapter 18
wow really good story. cant wait for the next one. more jakeward please?cant get enough
| Alye 9/29/11 . chapter 5
Your characters are incredibly OOC take Carlisle as an example. Carlisle is known for his compassion, and I don't see any in him. The story also feels very stilted and doesn't flow smoothly. I do like the plot though.
| Shiraka Kay 8/5/11 . chapter 18
| kentrek1 5/17/11 . chapter 18
great to see edward and jacob safe and back together, but is jacob like alice now half and half. but please don't keep the bitch alive kill her, even alice wants to kill her and that is a first.
| xXDante-kunXx 4/10/11 . chapter 1
omg plz update i needz to no wat happens n jakeward is awesome :D
| SO-LONG-LOVE 4/10/11 . chapter 17
Jacob really turning into a animal
| newtothis 4/2/11 . chapter 16
Please finish the story!
| kentrek1 3/20/11 . chapter 16
bad edward for thinking jacob would hurt alice, but more so for ordering jacob to kill himself. how could you do that jacob loves you and know that your family mean the world to you and for you to do that to poor jacob is wrong.
hopefully you can save jacob before it is to late. and see that dear sweet bella is a cold hearted bitch, who is pitting you and your family agianst jacob and the pack with alice now forced to help her.
i have only one thing to say and that is kill the bitch and free alice.
| crazy4eclipse 12/28/10 . chapter 16
bella has gotta die soon she is such a bitch
can't wait for next chapter
| Vividus 12/27/10 . chapter 1
I feel like you're trying too hard to use big vocabulary. Which isn't a bad thing, per say, but it doesn't always fit, i.e. in the second sentence, you say, "How could he have let it elevate this far?" But elevate doesn't seem right; it doesn't flow as well as "get" would in the sentence.
"He cleared his mind and walked in, giving in on the urge to see the face of his now imprinted one. Before he was able to say anything, Edward glared at him."
Giving in to, not on. The "now imprinted one" seems kind of iffy and confusing, too. Also, glaring doesn't make sense in that you say it stops Jacob from speaking. I'd suggest something like, "Before he could say anything, Edward cut him off, glaring."
""What are you doing here? You are supposed to protect Bella." Edward searched Jacob's thoughts but found that he was focusing solely on the knife Edward had in hand."
It doesn't seem like Edward's really angry, which I think he should be, because at this point he's completely fixated on Bella. He's also very controlling and moody, so what I perceive as this kind of laxness seems OOC. What I think you need to do is add more to the dialogue so that you can really convey his anger, or add more descriptions.
""Don't.." Jacob sighed, Am I really going to say this? Edward glared at him frustrated with the fact that Bella was left unattended to and vulnerable."
That doesn't seem right, either. Firstly, it's not a comma after "Sighed." Also, sighing is not saying anything. I propose (I'm totally throwing in as much vocabulary as I can right now) that you use "said" and then add something like, "He sighed, thinking..." Also, you're missing a comma. And stop using glared. I know I said not to use too much vocabulary, but make sure it's not redundant.
""Hurry up and make up your mind! Bella is alone and she could be in danger. I need to go stop Victoria and you are stopping me from doing so." Edward snarled hearing Jacob curse him."
Again, you're missing a comma. Because previously, Edward didn't seem angry, this appears sudden. Also, if Bella was really in danger and Edward was afraid, he'd just move away from Jacob. As he's so fond of saying, he's got super strength and speed. XP
I am lazy and skipping through...
""No! Why can't you take care of damn Bella? She's be safer with us both. And your family and my pack can handle the vampires." Jacob moved over to Edward and stood directly behind him, so when Edward turned around he stumbled backwards. Keen to make sure that Jacob didn't realize it was because of his heaving chest near his own, He looked at Jacob sneering."
"Damn Bella" seems awkward. Jacob and Bella are friends, so it's not likely that he'd curse about her. And I think you can just say, "He sneered at Jacob."
""Since when do you care? Besides, I'm the strongest and I won't let them get close to Bella's house. We need to keep this from human eyes remember?" Edward backed away from Jacob and sighed frustrated. Why won't he just give in?"
You're missing a comma after "sighed." I also think it's "Why wouldn't he..." and "Since when did you..."
skip skip skip
""Hell NO! I wont go near that slut! Deal with it Edward I wont go!" Jacob growled, trying to ignore the fact that he wanted to make Edward shut up, by pressing his lip against them. Edward was too angry to hear the thought."
"Slut," he says. It sounds so random and like it shouldn't be there. There's nothing to suggest that she's a slut. A bitch, perhaps, a whiny little bitch. :D
Okay, I'm too lazy now. If I do more, I'll PM you.
Good luck and happy writing!
| Miss Itachi Uchiha 12/27/10 . chapter 16
Ugh, why does Edward believe everything Bella tells him? Gosh, I hope Jacob doesn't die and that Edward believes him! Can't wait for the next update!