|Reviews for Eternal Wings and the Lost Ocean|
| Galdr 10/16/12 . chapter 2
Ah, I can easily remember Soul Poetry playing at this part. It's really sad. I miss Fee. :
And yes; if every other game can get a novelization, then this game is no exception. I wish you good luck on this my friend.
Also, I'm not really a guest; an account on Fanfiction with this username does exist. xD I'm just too lazy to sign in. I'll sign in eventually and fave and watch this.
We need more Baten Kaitos.
| Fan Fan Girl 12/15/10 . chapter 6
Sorry for the late review... I did notice that you had posted this, but I just didn't get around to reviewing until now.
Random side note before I begin: I really like your chapter titles.
Action IS pretty hard to write, isn't it? It can be especially frustrating to have to think up action scenes that don't degenerate into "He attacked! And attacked! And then he dodged! And then he attacked again!" Long battles in particular are really difficult to keep interesting. You did great though!
I'm not gonna lie, I'm REALLY looking forward to Horatio's interactions with his new, er, host, after the Spoiler of Doom happens. Also, fake Alfardian accents? UNF.
That parallel you drew between Fee and Xelha is interesting. I always thought that her role (in terms of her relationship to Kalas) in the game sort of resembled theirs, and that if Kalas and Xelha did get together after the end of the game, his behavior toward her might mirror that gentleness? unguarded comfortableness? that he only showed when talking to Gramps and Fee.
And THIS. This is my favorite line in this fic so far. [In times like these, destiny would give her hope instead of sorrow, as what was foreordained meant that she couldn't die here.] How insightful!
| ChristalSteele 12/4/10 . chapter 6
A very interesting addition about the back story. As for the story as a whole it is so far very awesome I look forward to the next chapter. Cheers!
| Fan Fan Girl 10/5/10 . chapter 5
Interesting that this particular legend would come from Alfard. It makes me wonder if Geldoblame would have known about it... Sure would give more significance to the story behind Kalas’ name.
[The Raven still remembers, but in hatred for its ruined voice it croaks accusingly at the world, mocking their fate...] Aww... poor Kalas. Guess he has no choice but to find someone who else who remembers the whale’s song, huh? Heh heh…
Also, I like that the chapter title is reminiscent of the focus of Xelha’s little speech in Moonguile (or should I say Moonglade?) Forest. The only thing I’m pondering is why you chose to put this chapter here, as opposed to somewhere else down the line. I enjoyed reading it though! And I hope you update again soon.
...Wow, short review is short.
| Fan Fan Girl 10/5/10 . chapter 4
First things first: THE CHAPTER TITLE. 3 KALAS, YOU LITTLE ANGST-BUCKET, YOU.
I like your Kalas so much, even if he is more bitter (bitterer?) than a jar full of coffee beans. It felt a little early for the spirit to have the What Are You Doing With Your Life Talk with him, but I can see why you included it. After all, it gets Kalas sort of thinking about the worth of his mission to find and slay Giacomo (and more subconsciously, what it would be like to settle down and have a normal life with a nice girl like Xelha). It also shows how generally angry he is at this point, and gives him a motive later on to be horrible to Xelha.
I was kind of hoping that you would include Kalas’ conversation with this one NPC who lives near the mayor. Remember that old woman with really, really, really bad voice acting? Er, she’s the one in the same house as the girl who wants some milk so she can finish cooking. Anyways, if you talk to her there’s an interesting little cutscene where she rambles about how someone out there is waiting to meet Kalas, and I thought that if you really wanted to go all-out with the Kalas/Xelha in this, that might be a good scene to include whenever. Just putting that out there.
One thing that I really liked in this chapter was that you let Xelha show more sadness over Gram and Leon than the game did. There she came across as kind of shallow and unfeeling... and perhaps she is, on some level. Who knows? But I like to think she isn’t, that the writers accidentally screwed up her characterization by rushing her emotional reaction. ...Still, she warmed up to Kalas pretty fast, didn’t she?
Also, I love that Xelha has an “accent.” :D
And in closing, my favorite part:
[Kalas shot an annoyed look at the sky. Xelha giggled. "Your voice tickles me. It feels a bit strange, but not in a bad way."
Hey Kal, can we keep her? Please?
"No. And besides, she probably has somewhere else she needs to be."
Xelha's expression grew serious. "Actually, I'm headed towards the ancient ruins deep in the forest. What about you two?"
"We're headed the same way." A pause.
| ChristalSteele 9/19/10 . chapter 5
A very good start to a novelization I like Horatio's characterization very much. I look forward to the next installment. Cheers!
| Fan Fan Girl 9/14/10 . chapter 3
I think I’ll break out that list of “Lines I Liked” now, since I can’t seem to figure out how to weave my opinions about them together into actual paragraphs. So:
[Damn, had he caught him talking to his Guardian Spirit? Just what he needed: to be treated like an even bigger nutjob—the guy who got his ass kicked by Rock Cats and talks to himself.]
[This particular creature gazed up at Kalas with beady black eyes as he approached, its white jaw curled in a permanent smile.] D'AWWW. WHY ARE GREYTHORNES SO CUTE.
[Meemai squeaked once in response—a piercing yet pleasing noise, like air being squeezed out of a rubber duck.] WHYYY SOOO CUTE? D:
["Say something to the pretty lady, man. She's a girl, not a talking pow."]
["What kind of maniac just walks up to strangers and starts acting friendly?"
“It's called small talk. Normal people do it sometimes."] Do I approve of Horatio? Yes, yes I do.
And that’s it for my little list. Not to say that there weren’t many, many more, those just especially stood out to me. I also liked the dialogue; you handle it well, it’s really smooth, and it’s nice to see that you’re willing to deviate from the script sometimes. I hope we get to see some off-camera conversations in the future between the characters, since so far you seem to have a nice handle on them. Or at least Kalas, Xelha, and Larikush. And Horatio, though he’s not even really... you know what I mean.
The little details that you sprinkled through the fic I liked as well, such as Cedr’s mother’s overprotective antics and the little tidbit that Kalas and Horatio had been on the road for two years. We’ll see if that comes into play some time... honestly, he can’t have been traveling for two years and have had no one recognize him, could he?
Kind of random nitpick: you spelled “Pherkad” wrong. :P
Oh, and... the swearing issue. I read Linds’ review, and I both agree and disagree with her. But I will defend your decision to let the Guardian Spirit swear, because for one thing, the Spirit technically had no characterization in the game, other than the option to choose between one response and another when questioned by Kalas. He/she/it never swore because it didn’t get a chance to have a personality in canon, so here in the realm of fanfiction, it is effectively an OC template. So it wasn’t out-of-character for Horatio to swear because you made it part of his character.
I didn’t even mind the language that much, because it gave the fic a “two bros out traveling the world” kind of feel, sort of.
But Kalas... his swearing I don’t feel I can really defend. Sure, he may let a few more curses slip by around a friend like Horatio... we all know how guys are. But if you think about it, Kalas didn’t actually swear all that much in the game, even around his male friends. As far as I can remember, the only curse words he used were “damn,” “hell,” and maybe “bastard.” (I know Sagi used that last one once. Actually several times. He may have been a momma’s boy, but get him mad and he has a very dirty mouth!) (Also, watch as FFN censors half of those.) Kalas only swore when he was caught off guard, insulting someone who deserved it, or angry. Even then, his language was still cleaner than Sagi’s. So yeah, the f-word felt out of place, and so did all the exclamations of “Shit!” dropped throughout the narrative. ...Er, no pun intended. Kalas as a character is rough around the edges, but most of that comes from the snark and sarcasm, not his language. IMO.
Like I said, the language didn’t bother me enough to affect my opinion of the story negatively. I still love it, and just consider your foul-mouthed Kalas to be just one more of the many characterizations of him out there. Even if I don’t agree with it entirely. But that’s what happens in fanfiction, and this is your story, anyway.
Now go on and play and practice and experiment some more. I’ll get my next review to you tomorrow or the day after - I’m afraid I can’t manage another right now. But good job on the first three chapters! They were delights to read. :D
| Fan Fan Girl 9/14/10 . chapter 2
Ah. Just. This chapter! I wish I could write a response that consisted entirely of keyboard smashing, but that would kind of defeat the purpose of a review, so I’ll try (struggle) to organize my thoughts into coherency.
Maybe I should say as an introduction that I’ve actually never read the stream-of-consciousness style in an actual book. Or at least the hard and heavy stuff. (Though I’ve read Hemingway, if he counts, haha.) So while I might not have the street cred to judge the quality of this writing, I will say that I enjoyed it immensely. :D
(And not to get off on a tangent right off the bat, but that’s one of the things I love most about you as an author - you seem to know so much about literature and what people have tried already and what works and what doesn’t and why. So even though I might not get all the allusions you make one hundred percent of the time, what you do reference makes me curious enough to go look things up, and I get to learn more about writing. :D)
My favorite line was came from the sentence that tapered off into: “...posing proudly before his younger sibling hopping with childish glee the old man’s wrinkles deep with emotion love.” I think what I liked about it was that the focus flowed so seamlessly from Kalas to Fee to Georg. The only thing that would have made it absolutely perfect in my eyes would have been if Georg’s transitional phrase contained a verb too. I think the inclusion of a connecting verb between Kalas and Fee in “posing before his sibling -hopping-” was what caught my attention in the first place, and what made me admire the sentence. But that’s like splitting the hairs of a fly; not something you should be worrying out at all, just something I figured I would mention.
Another favorite line was the bit about “the mind” emptying and refilling “like the tides of the ocean,” not only because it’s reminiscent (foreshadowing?) of Xelha, but because Fee’s desire to see the Ocean was an important factor in what was shown to us of his and Kalas’ relationship. As Fee died, his dream to find the Ocean passed on to Kalas. And while in the game that dream took a backseat to our hero’s more pressing quest for revenge... how Kalas must have felt when he realized that Xelha was the bearer of the Ocean!
So yeah, awesome chapter. I love that you did Kalas’ memory in this style to differentiate it from the normal flow of the story and that you weren’t afraid to keep it as short as it is. But it makes me wonder... is this an active memory of Kalas’, or is it the Spirit dipping into Kalas’ mind and
dredging things up? Or is it meant to be open-ended?
| Fan Fan Girl 9/14/10 . chapter 1
You actually posted this! You won’t believe how happy I was when I saw it - for some reason I thought that if you decided to post at all, it would be months from now. Silly me. Now I get the pleasant surprise of a new novelization!
And my first impression of it? I’M IN LOVE.
Really. Clear, original imagery is my favorite part of fiction writing, and I love love love your descriptions. I really think I could get drunk on words sometimes, so your story is probably bad for my liver or something. But really.
[Another spark of feeling exploded within the Soul-electric pangs of excitement and tenderness like that of a child experiencing its first kiss, paired with an unbearable loneliness that makes human throats ache with wordless painful emotion.]
This quote had my favorite description in it. “Loneliness that makes human throats ache,” just immediately rang true to me.
Another that I really adored was the one about Kalas’ clothes, especially his lovely hairy pants. Mostly because I had never thought of his trousers as being made from the pelt of an animal before and it was a new idea, but also because from now on I’m gonna always wonder what kind of creature would have a hide so dazzlingly blue. XD
So those were the two that stood out most to me, though truth be told all of it was very well-written. The rest of my reviews might very well devolve into simple lists of descriptions that I liked, though I’ll try to keep them tidy. Very sorry that it’s taken me so long to review this. I wanted to sit down and make sure I hit on everything that occurred to me while reading the fic. I’ll try to be faster with reviews in the future!
| SicklyRaven 9/13/10 . chapter 1
You've taken up a pretty difficult task, haven't you? It's weird, I tried to do the same after I finished playing BK for the first time. And I got stuck in Nashira ' I wish you all the luck, though, because this first chapter is pure awesomeness! You have a way of depicting the Kalas/Guide Spirit relationship that I can't help but loving, even though the Spirit is so different from how I imagine him. Or her, in my case. Also, the quote from Macbeth fits perfectly.
I'm kinda slow at reading English and I don't have as much free time as I wish lately, but I'm definitely going to read all of this. Keep it up!
| Ruingaraf 9/12/10 . chapter 4
Woow, novelizing the game is a long task, and with prose like this to boot! good luck on your endevor, and I'll be reading. :D
| Blue Rogue Linds 9/2/10 . chapter 4
Oh, gee. This has some potential! The writing style itself seems to be in order with a few grammar errors here and there. Nobody's perfect.
Only one thing bugging me: Kalas's Guardian Spirit never cursed like this in the game. It really turns off the reader and sucks some charm out of the story itself. I don't think the F-Bomb is appropriate in the Baten Kaitos universe as it never really existed there.
Just be careful how you characterize the canon characters, okay?