|Reviews for Love Me|
| Indigo Shade 7/13/12 . chapter 1
Hi! I'm Shade! I'm a really nice person, and hopefully you won't hate me after this review :I
First of all, um wow. It takes a lot to get a rise from me because writing is essentially my life, so while reading books by like Stephen King I'm usually chewing an apple and pondering his use of metaphorical demonetization instead of being worried that Carrie's about to ruin prom for everyone. (Spoilers, she ruins prom for everyone).
I was recommended this fic because I like dark things. I write dark things. I like being scared and I like horror. It's just hard to find /good/ horror. And yet, reading this, I ended up with one hand over my mouth, which is a very good thing for you, haha. Not only was there a deep physical reaction to the gore, but I /believed/ it. I'm not one to shy away from the bloody stuff, but this really was the other side of torture, because it hurt to watch. Specifically the eyelids. I was like "huh, that's pretty smart, crushing his hand bones... oooh, lovely wording there... excellent plot - /holy god in heaven not that/." There were times when I considered skipping to the end but /didn't/, like when you're watching a scary movie and just want it to be over while never wanting it to be over. Does that make sense? Haha I hope so.
Secondly, the pace. It's like watching Saw, except actually good. It was so incredibly slow - but in such a nice way. Like you knew it wasn't actually taking that long, it just felt that way because time just stopped around Mike's torture. By the end of it, my heart was beating, begging the cops to show up, and it /wasn't happening fast enough/. You know what they call that? Suspense. You know what I rarely actually feel when reading horror stories? Suspense.
Soooooo the part of the review that's where you find out I'm terrible :/ Ahhh sorry I was raised to believe that constructive criticism is how you show that you enjoyed something enough to really look at it. I'm just trying to help please don't hate me. D:
Just a few grammar edits I saw?
"glaze over as he started to loose the last"
Um I think you mean "lose"? Get it because you /lose/ the other o if you mean something is actually going. "Loose" is a loose woman, a loose lid, or a loose screw.
There's this rule I literally learned like a year ago and I'm in college so you'd think they'd tell you earlier, but at the end of quotations, the next letter is always undercase unless it is a name or I. So instead of "That's it," She said; it's actually, "That's it," she said. I don't even know who came up with it but yeah.
"The same could be said for his legs which were tightly secured to the legs of the chair at his ankles and knees"
Oh god how nitpicky am I, what is this, the grammar police? :I But technically you say the same thing twice. You say "the same thing could be said" and then you say what the situation is again. So it's kinda actually "His legs were also tightly secured to the chair at his ankles and knees." I guess.
Oh there was another typo but for some reason I can't find it, I am actually the worst reviewer in the history /of the world/.
Ummmmm OK so now that /that's/ done with, let's talk about the ending. Because it's most certainly worth talking about: a twist like that is beautiful and perfect. And at first, I was totally cool with it. Something was bothering me, though, so I went off and made myself a sandwich (it was tomato and lettuce, in case you're curious) and thought about it for a while. If I'm honest, I wasn't going to review at first, because my reviews are always scary and I'm never nice and I really just want to be everyone's friend.
But then I figured out what made me come back to this: I don't like the ending.
Wow that looks like forty times meaner than it is D: What I mean is that it is bloody brilliant, that you're an amazing and creative writer, it's just that /personally/ I had a problem with it. My brain was like "WOAH HANG ON" while I was munching on food so this is why you have to put up with the likes of me, and I apologize.
First, the twist. You're right, I totally could suspend my disbelief and buy it that Sandy went loco. The only part I was "hmmmm" about was the voice. You said /specifically/ that it was Lucy's voice: "it was unmistakably her voice." Since the two of them have grown up together, you'd think he'd be able to recognize the difference between his best friend and the girl he's banging. Especially since Lucy is half-deaf and can sing like an angel while Sandy has an accent. But I actually really, really liked the twist, so this isn't even the part I had a problem with (not that it looks that way, haha). I am actually completely willing to be like "it's a story, Shade, cool your jets, friend" and say it's just because he's dazed and confused and Sandy obviously did her best to frame Lucy, maybe she just learned to speak like her, too.
It's that Lucy takes the fall for it. Until then, everything had been very scientific, and that's why the horror/gore side of it worked, yes? You had figured out every little part in kidnapping a cat: what tools to use, how to torture with ease, where to strap him in. And then Lucy gets blamed for it. The following problems arise:
1. It was only the three of them in that room, and Lucy was the only one to make it out alive. There are /no/ witnesses. So she could tell the police any story she wanted, they /have/ to believe her.
2. If she told them the truth, forensics has her back and then some. First of all, gunpowder, blood and stray fur from Mike are bound to be on Sandy, and the gunpowder alone is enough to prove she shot Mike. Plus Lucy probably has some friction burns from where she was struggling with her bonds (yeah I pay attention ok), and given the bludgeoning from that iron pipe, they can prove it was someone of Sandy's height that swung it.
3. There is /no/ reason for Lucy to give the police Sandy's story. Then Sandy wins. If Lucy is anything, I think it's probably strong. We saw what happened when rape cats wanted to get their rape on. If someone hurt Mike, I doubt that Lucy would let that person do very much more than die a slow painful death.
4. SCIENCE, OK? No but I'm studying to be in forensics I'm so sorry I get carried away sometimes.
5. Shooting Sandy was self-defense. At worst she has to go to trial to tell her story. She's free from lawyers in 2 years. Therapy forever.
Soooooo yeah there's that. I hope this wasn't too mean D: But really this story is wonderful! I really enjoyed how scared you made me :) It's just that there's a serious emotional response to this entire thing, so much so that I had to make myself a sandwich before I could process it all ;)
Keep up the good work!
P.S no really I'm a nice person why do I look so terrible whenever I review...
| DarkMaverik 12/13/11 . chapter 1
Height difference aside, pretty much everything there is explained away in the following 2 images...
The Book Cover (From the printed version gifted to Taeshi):
Some Random Fanart:
Pretty hard to see her eyes through a welding mask. Pretty hard to tell curves through big rubber gloves, boots and aprons.
The thing is, this is all described in the story. It's clearly stated that he can't see her very well due to the outfit. Whatever small differences are noticeable (height, slightly different tail) are the sorts of things that Mike isn't really given time to stop and think about as he is being carved alive.
Personality wise? Yeah. It's a leap. There IS an explanation for it, but it's long, convoluted, and I couldn't find a non horrible way to fit it in the story. I do apologize for that much.
No idea if you'll ever come back and read this (you don't seem to have an account, so I cannot respond properly sadly). But I figured I'd leave this here for people who read your comment and start to think the same things.
| Catnip Banana 12/13/11 . chapter 1
Um. Sorry. No. Sandy switching places with Lucy? No. Matters of personality aside, SANDY HAS DARK BROWN EYES, while LUCY HAS LIGHT BLUE EYES. What happened to Sandy's hair? Did she cut it off? Is she wearing a wig or something? Sandy is also TALLER than Lucy by at least six inches. Lucy is CURVIER than Sandy is. There are OBVIOUS PHYSICAL DIFFERENCES that would make this scenario IMPOSSIBLE.
It would've been viable with Lucy, but ONLY viable with Lucy. Not with Sandy pretending to be Lucy.
| RyanFO117 11/14/11 . chapter 1
| Mira 11/5/11 . chapter 1
0o0 dear god. I have a pretty strong stomach, but damn. Thats just horrible.
| Connor Lysaght 6/28/11 . chapter 1
I am trembling after reading this, this fanfic has to be the most disturbing but ingenious piece of writing I've read in a long time, but I had to stop every now in then and mutter under my own breath "oh god.." Superb work.
| darkwolf328 6/15/11 . chapter 1
I feel like I'm the only one who could read the story, without trembling in fear.
| Mikanada 5/14/11 . chapter 1
Usually I have a high tolerance towards gore and disgusting things but the eyelids, eardrum bursting, and especially the genital mutilation really got my heart racing. Story-wise the torture was nothing compared to the framing of Lucy, I mean I just hate framing and how no one will ever know what really happened, it makes it a hell of a story but I just hate it when people are framed.
| Warden Freeman 1/18/11 . chapter 1
Very disturbing! You are a twisted man... Good writing though...
| TheLightorTheDark 11/27/10 . chapter 1
Yes... Love Me is definitely your most terrifying and saddening work. I still tremble when I read the first paragraph!