The idea behind the story is good and the plot is interesting, but it would be a lot better if it was beta-ed (or even spell checked!) and also if you had kept Snape more IC. I have been a beta to many other authors before so if you would like me to look over the story for you I would.

i really like the idea for this story

you know as good as this story is, i really like the idea and i have nothing against the fact that snape is gay (in this) but he is to OCC to be even slightly believable, he is so beyond out of character, you are trying to say in this story pretty much (i'm guessing) that you are against such prejudice as homophobia but the very fact that you changed snape's personality so drastically as he is gay in this story rather goes against you.

ew ew ew ew ew ew ew mcgonigal had a relationship with the father and the son thats just beyond gross and she is bloody ancient she would be older than severus' mother and would have taught severus and probably his father as well sorry but that's messed up!

great story but ghosts wouldn't step, they would glide or something similar, if they were ghosts they wouldn't be able to walk on the floor without going right through it.

it's spelled Lucius, sorry it sounds bloody hilarious as Lucious though, sorry i'm not making fun of you i just thought you should no. Good chapters again though, but severus was shockingly out of character, he is a very controlled character (like he has control of his emotions and wouldn't show them so much)

well i like it so far its good though the characters are rather OOC but still good to read, the only problem is that the chapters are short :D it's kl though, strange that the snape of this story is gay, i personally don't think someone's sexuality makes any difference but it is rather unlikely that someone so strict etc via the fact that snape seems more like someone who would be totally straight, but hey i'm not judging he is a kl character.

Eh, why is snape Welsh in this, not that i'm complaining it's just not where i'd imagine he'd be from.

"We eat, we shit, we fuck, we kill, we die."

sums up our life, doesn't it? :D

I so wonderful story!

I wish everybody could read it, it would be good (sorry for my bad english by the way, i'm french)

I love it, really!

And I like the ending (i would love to see Drago punch Lucius héhé)

So thank you for this fan-fiction. It reminds me that I have wonderful friends who have always stood beside me and that I'm lucky.

Poor little Sev!

песец!

знаете, за такое в Данбас не посылают. Дело даже не в скудости речи и безграмотном англиЦком... И не в таланте повествователя.

Но более слащавой соплесиропной истории со Снейпом написать было просто невозможно! Её как будто из ЛГБТ журнала вырезали. Из гламурного глянцевого журнала. Какие образы, какие слёзы!

При этом слэшерам там всяким и яойщикам фик читать не стоит. Ибо слэша как такового в нём нет.

Есть завязка: Снейпа увольняют за то , что он гей. В остальных 20 главах нам, аки в "Дикой Розе", рассказывается о борьбе маленького но отважного Снейпа против системы.

Обратите внимание на потрясающие диалоги. Какой богатый словарный запас, какой изысканный слог! Практически полное отсутствие сложносочинённых и сложноподчинённых предложений поражает. Предложений, усложнённых разными там деепричастными оборотами, тоже незаметно. Поговорил. Поплакался. Пошёл. Увидел. Победил, и т.д.

НО!

В этом поучительном тексте есть один неоспоримый пллюс. Написан сей фик был ещё в славном двухтысячном, когда слэш по Поттеру был не совсем распространённым явлением. И сама тенденция делать из Снейпа гея, даже без обязательного слэшного акцента, кажется мне весьма показательной. Тогда, вроде, даже фильма по ГП ни одного не вышло, и Рикман не успел наложить на образ Снейпа свой отпечаток. Значит есть и в книжном Северусе что-то такое, заставляющее задуматься...

К тому же, с образцом популистской статьи на тему прав ЛГБТ всегда интересно ознакомиться. Даже если это бездарный фанфик. (хотя оригинальность задумки отрицать не стоит).

Вердикт: чтиво на любителя, а аффтару в Данбас с пузырьком йада дорога полюбому.

This story is an amazing representation of people's predjudice and how it can affect their lives. Characterisation is strong and its very well written.

Floss

hes out!

snaps for severus!

"he hasn't any black marks on his record"

However does have a dark mark...hohohoho

OMG! I loved it! All of my fics are slash, i absolutly love male/male pairings! very well written and it was very believable. Except for the whole magic thing it could actually happen in real life! But then...HP isn't HP without sum sort of magic.