Hmm, I'm not sure that a wooden bullet is an actual possibility, I think the wood would either catch on fire in the barrel when the gunpowder is ignited or be shattered into thousands of fragments and shower people in splinters rather than a sharp piece of wood.
But other than that I think your stories are brilliant. I'll let you have that wooden bullet since I let other writers like Joey the Ripper get away with the classic "bigger on the inside" pocket gimicks.
Not to sound like I'm picking on you but the words "He had" in your description makes it sound like an after thought description and is a bit disjointed as you have made the description a new sentence, if this officer is describing someone they aren't going to be speaking like that, it'd be more on the lines of commas and pauses... depending on the length of the pauses in between, I'm not a grammar teacher but it makes more sense if you treat this like a normal speach and add little actions in between if you really want to keep your sentences the same.
Those gutless, yellow-bellied jackels... that, that... corrupt, insane- (Continues ranting for several hours)
Okay, I'm back now, as I was saying... this is a good chapter, I am understandably in the emotional state of the observer, I want to sort this corruption out! (Rolls up her sleeves) Let me at em!
...
Hang on, Negaduck is in Phantom's head as a sort of haunting from the past, so maybe, if Quackerjack and Bushroot approach Phantom and he agrees to help them take out those corrupt - people with wood-shots - Maybe Negs'll step in to help, I think I'm just missing Negsy actually, but Phantom for all his changed mentallity doesn't really know how to take on the "Law", not on the scale that has to be done. Now Negs on the other hand, he's got history on that. Good old alternate self - hang on, where's your NegaGosalyn in all of this? I know that it's a different universe and all but... I sure hope that the Negaside of this story works out, they haven't got anyone there to save the day, not saying Negaduck's a hero or anything but- Okay, I'll keep my Negaduck plots to myself.
So where was I... Oh yes, Phantom Duck may need a little help on this one, Quackerjack and Bushroot though previously Super-Villains haven't come up with anything on that scale alone before, sure they've done crimes alone, but they need that "Kinda Wow, Kinda Now" mentallity of Public Enemy Number 1, and even then 3.5 isn't Fearsome Five strong, they want to take over the city, in the positive, that requires an awful lot of footwork and planning and with the added complication of family protection, well it'll be hard, I wonder how you're going to pull it off, as you can see, I'm really into this story and am trying to guess what's going to happen next, so keep up the writing babe.
You say Meatloaf, I think of the singer... I was waiting for it all throughout the chapter, and then you say "Nightlife" And I think of that Neil Diamond song.
Just a question though, is Phantom Duck the vampire Darkwing or is he just VespersDuck? Just wondering... cos he couldn't eat a cheeseburger when he was a vampire and he couldn't even stand to let Gos eat it... and that good ol' harmonica... it's a shame that he lost it at the begining. It's not the same one, but it's the thought that counts.
Alright Miss VAPX00-Whatever... why did no one take a brownie? And more importantly, why were there brownie's left after school anyway! Naughty... and what's with Tank being a good boy? Is this NegaTank in the wrong Universe? Oh well, I can believe that Drake would be cooking brownies, but not as a Vampire, take to a brownie you need eggs, and... in the Duckverse it's a bit odd that no one has ever had an issue with it, but I don't see Vampires cooking with them, and he has previously had issues with unhealthy food, so either this is a 100% healthy brownie or he's bit the bullet for Gos's sake... which I doubt very much, he'd be thinking "What am I feeding this poor girl" or the like, all of the... well you get the idea.
Ahhhhhhhh! Steelbeak in charge! Ahhhhhh! Grizlykoff's a commissioner! Believable, but scary... I see it happening... Hey! once again you haven't told us what happened to Launchpad and Gosalyn, are they hanging out at Darkwing tower? Or what? I keep seeing this massive eternal camp out on the floor of the tower, Launchpad's gone back to being an aeroplane mechanic and is bringing in the pay-check to feed him and Gosalyn, Darkwing's tutoring Gosalyn during the day and being a vampire-crime fighter during the night munching on the bad guys, I wouldn't mind seeing where you're going with it... it's your story babe, it's your canon, you write it as you wish, we just read and wait with bated-breath for you to answer our questions.
*GASP!* what happened to Gos in the end? What about Launchpad? What about the secret entrance? did they find it? Gosh this is just like a typical suspense episode, they leave you with so many questions... But I don't mind questions, they're good, expect a spin-off forthwith though if I'm not settled within a week.
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