The dialogue, especially Sparrow's fitted in well. Interesting spot to leave the chapter though, I look forward to reading more.

Nice job with the dialogue, don't see a way out of taking the hero doesn't talk, I think your way helps include him more in the scenes. It's pretty funny in some places

Ha ha. Looks like Sparrow entered puberty fast.

Eagerly looking forward to future up the good work.

Beautifully written, I relish for more. )