Your writing needs a lot of work. Try starting with first grade skills and working your way up slowly. You need to work on your plots and flow

I like so many different writing styles but I think that you have a lot of work to do if you decide to continue writing. Good luck
May the games be ever in your favor

Dude why did you make this chapter gross?

ohhh proposal! HAHA he fell down!

:D

-driven

Oh I see what you did there. Bahahahahahaha. Nice. WTF, Lol.

-driven.

PS ur writing is getting better, i'm in a rush so I'll give you proper feedback at school ;) so u tomorrooowww.

Are you actually serious about writing a story? If so, correct grammar, like capital letters and punctuation, are direly needed! This is a badly written plot including a SuperHero who's name sounds like a brand of dog-poo-collecting bags! I beg of you, please to not continue to disgrace yourself like this! Choose a feasible plot with feasible characters, and try not to loose you dignity on the way!

lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol! XD getting better :)

-driven

dont worry bout not getting many reiews, in my 1st fic, i had to write about 8-10 chaps bfore i got a single one. story is going well.

yugioh buddies! lol.

Why don't you add Humor/Parody to Genre?

this iss your best chap yet, they're starting to get much funnier and better :D

-driven.

o.o right... twilight *vomits*...

oh...

yeah...

righty...

-driven.

Hmm, it could use more descriptive wording as I had to read it about 3 times to actually understand what the hell was going on. I understand you're new to Fanfiction, but you still need to perform spelling and grammar checks before you upload new chapters.

That being said, the story is starting to get better and more character development is starting to show. I've noticed that youre starting to shift towards a lot of annoying cliches so you need to be aware of that and try to steer away from them.

But it's an interesting concept for a story and once you start being aware of what youre writing instead of just writing whatever comes to mind, the stories will get better, but im still subscribing to you and your stories either way so dont stop writing, update soon.

Interesting start, I'm not really sure where this stories going but its... something. Ive noticed that about every line of dialogue has a exclamation mark at the end which is a lil annoying and theres really no need for the authors notes to have all capital letters, but whatever ur weird like that.

Keep up the... interesting... work.