|Reviews for His War|
| Bulwersator 6/17/13 . chapter 2
"I am ss real as you" should be "I am as real as you"
"Stupify" should be "Stupefy"
"It was imperius" was handled great, I expected failure but it was well done.
| Bulwersator 6/17/13 . chapter 1
What? Well written, first acceptable depiction of muggle/wizard war, but this situation will require really good explanation to avoid some sort of fail.
| dzk87 10/23/11 . chapter 2
So cool, update please, want more.
| Orchamus 3/18/11 . chapter 2
How odd...not sure what's going on.
| Orchamus 3/18/11 . chapter 1
Wow...holy fuck, HERMIONE! Really!
| Nocnista 12/30/10 . chapter 2
You'll have a published book? Congrats, i can't wait to read it.
| Sdarian 12/29/10 . chapter 2
I don't know that I care much for this story. While I like "Her War" (looking forward to the next chapter), this is a post/near graduation type of story, and I just don't like cannon Harry Potter enough to really enjoy those stories much. Far better are the ones who have changed things or added a crossover. Of course, that's just me, but still. Entering a magic world from a normal one? And cannon HP is what results? Guess that attitude is a result of picking the magic class in RPGs, and knowing just how much differently I would have done things...
Anyway, I'm a fan of other stories you've written, so I'll keep reading for a while and see how this turns out. Good luck!
| Almech Alfarion 12/21/10 . chapter 2
definately different... So harry somewhat accidently/on purpose made a horcrux when Voldemort tried to kill him and ended up binding his soul to this Eiko girl... and now we get to find out how Britain was destroyed and how Harry found his way back from the edge of death.
Nice to know that Hermione wasn't in controll of herself when she was serving Voldemort... though that'd still be cold comfort for the lives she ruined when under the imperius curse... the ones who are still alive anyway...
Excilent chapter as alwayse and it's good to hear that your muse is back...
| Arkeus 12/21/10 . chapter 2
Nice to see this here.
and great idea.
| skywiseskychan 12/20/10 . chapter 2
Oh My, this is an interesting development.
| Agagsdaf 12/19/10 . chapter 2
You do realize, that you have me hooked on two stories now? That is just mean.
Anyway, the structure looks very similar to "her war"s. First you have a present scene, to introduce the characters who are important to the main character and then you go into the story. The OC you introduce is in the present this time though, Aktaya was introduced in the past, and played an important role there, without any interaction with the canon characters as far as i remember (except Khu Lon/Cologne, whatever).
Eiko, however is introduced as rather unimportant it seems... and it turns out, that she harbored the soul of the boy who lived. Playing an important role in both the present and the past group of people. As far as I can guess right now, after all, the Harry specter/voice in her head later on, which Eiko believes to be imaginary, will leave her to take possession of either Voldemort or another of his lackeys, for which she first has to get in contact with them again.
Apart from that. You draw a rather dark picture of a world again, which you manipulate for your stories gain. As with "Her War" there are some things (Like the Musk army size, which is unrealistic at best, but is needed for the story) you invented new ways of wizardry as far as Harry Potter is concerned. The thought of spells put on bullets has probably occurred to everyone in the past. But with the dark swirls under Hermiones skin, your incorporation of chemicals and so on, you again take a rather scientifical, or at least logic approach, which is interesting to read and sound in itself. Not so outside of the context your story of course, it does not correspond with Harry Potter, just as much as "Her War" has nothing to do with Ranma 1/2.
Seeing as Im hooked on "Her War", I dont mind the great similarities, but I cant help but hope youll allow me to urge you not to work with as many numbers as you did in "Her War". Especially in Harry Potter, numbers and statements are more than ambiguous in some places, because JK isnt good with them. In the entirety of the Harry Potter series, no other school than Hogwarts has been mentioned for the UK. Which means, that with 40 Pupils per year, and an average lifespan of 100, we come to an overall number of 4000 witches and wizards in the UK. And about 70 slytherins, if Im not mistaken... And yet 200 Slytherins were in the stands in a quidditch match in PoA. The numbers dont match. Just as the hospital wing is on at least 2 floors. One might say it can be entered on both floors, but to my knowleedge it was merely an oversight on JKs part.
So, if you wish to use numbers or important base statements from the book, state those somewhere on the first page or something. Like saying Im assuming there are about ... witches and wizards in the world. Or magic does not just change things to be a certain way, but rather makes the environment react in such a way, that the result is reached. Like with your description of crucio. If the curse just makde a person feel pain, what you wrote wouldnt make sense... If the curse instead just made your nerves fire like crazy thats another matter. Its just the point how far you're willing to allow a scientific approach. Especially in regards to the possession of Eiko it might be hard for a reader to get a feel for which things are possible and which aren't, seeing as JK left most things open for interpretation, but described everything as rather mystical, instinctual rather than factual (the scene in the cave with Dumbledore getting the fake amulet).
Anyway, thats enough I like this, I'll keep reading it, no matter what you write, or how slow you write... even though a quick pace makes my day ;)
(Mit freundlichen Grüßen), Agagasdaf
| James Axelrad 12/19/10 . chapter 2
more please! soon as you can!
time permitting of course. happy holidays.
| Shannon Dee 12/19/10 . chapter 2
I didn't see that one coming.
| Spokavriel 12/18/10 . chapter 2
Well this makes your comment in the mail make a bit more sense. Can't help but wonder how the next two years will go for the girl. Was the wand discarded since its wizard was dead? Or did Voldy keep it as a trophy?
This is going to be better than I thought from the first chapter. But I still can't avoid wondering if you started the tale of the muggle resistance to late in their own story.
Oh well. Either way. This came out a teensy bit quicker than I thought it would but considering your comment at the end I wouldn't be shocked to see chapter 3 at dawn. Your Muse is that terrifyingly efficient some times.
| Spokavriel 12/18/10 . chapter 1
This is a real heavy hand to start with. I don't know if anyone not already reading Her War could take it and make it through. At least in Her War you're starting out after events and this seems to be starting in the depths of their darker moments possibly their darkest.
Its not that bad but I would have liked more of the story leading up to this point. Maybe even the hope of that attempted assassination to look forward to in the starting out point.
So I'm guessing Scerlet is Harry given the way you say this parallels Her War. and Scerlet was broken and used as a sex toy by Tom Riddle. Leading to Arna's opinion of the girl when her behavior from that life style was hard to avoid.
But I'm having to read into things a little too much to really get through this opening chapter. And people who have not read Her War might not know those things I'm assuming. So while this is almost good it could use a bit more foundational work and maybe a lighter, or at least softer, start.