This story has a lot of potential...and considering how rushed it is it does quite a bit. I don't have a problem with slash but the OOC stuff messed it up (out of character). I think you captured something about Al but missed Sam completely, which sort of throws the story off. People are allowed to change their lives around (ie, have Sam and AL living together and whatnot), but when you're doing so much changing around you need to really make sure you're on the mark.

Also, with the rushedness I sometimes key parts of the story because they were buried. Better grammer and punctuation might help with that.

I'm assuming that since so much effort had to be put into this story that you will appreciate the serious reviews. But...when you're getting a lot of negative reviews or flames, its something to pay attention too, not that you have to be at everyone's whim but just as an author you can see what people had problems with.

This is the most obviously autobiographical wish fulfillment piece I've read in a long time. I'm sorry the author is in so much pain. Do you have no relationship with your father? Or did he die and leave you behind?

What the hell was that shit? I don't normaly swear by god but I can't belive you would degrade QL with this piece of shit. I am sorry but you are a very sick person and this story is discusting. OOC to the max and what on earth makes you think Al would be gay? I mean through out the whole god damn series he made use of the fact he was a damn hologram to *ahem* peak at girls. One episode I know he did I'll be damned if I remember which. Also how many wifes did he have? Hmm answer that one. And at the end of the series Sam manages to fix things up with whats her name Beth? This was total trash and totaly pointless. Now the concept of Al taking in a kid would have been good but not the gay shit. Sorry but this story was wrong and should never have been writen.

Blaze

This is one of the worst stories I've ever stumbled through. The plotline, while intriguing, was so poorly thought out and written that I can't

tell anyone what it was really about. The grammar was atrocious, the characterization was off, especially on Sam's part, and as a whole, it was unreadable, at least for me. You should find a good beta reader-and then get a gamma reader, too, just in case. If this *has* been beta'd, he should be fired.

This story has promise, but it needs a lot of work, polish, care. I tried to read this when you posted it to the QLSA, but couldn't. I tried again

here with the hope that you had improved. Don't take this as a flame, but please consider what I'm

telling you. Simply cleaning up the grammar and punctuation will help this story out tremendously,

and I say that as a writer. Don't *stop* writing because someone criticized your work; make it better. Again, as a writer, I understand why that can be difficult. It's necessary, however, if you want to become a better author. Good luck.

Cool . I can't think of another word to describe it.