I was not a big fan of the choppiness here at first - that second paragraph is just so stilted - but the image of Quorra not wanting to shake up the programs in a MP3 player was just so ridiculously adorable that I started to be convinced that the stiltedness was on purpose. After reading "Duality" I've decided that your formatting and imagery are better than your writing itself, but regardless, that MP3 thing made me smile. I like how she imagines alternate systems too.

The prose works because she's like a child, not a writer, herself - but for other stories, you need to work on varying your sentences. You've got a lot of potential.

Very, very beautiful.

Quite interesinng. The dismantled and lukewarm narration seems fit.

I OFFICALLY LOVE THIS! 3

It's warm, so warm. Awww had me tearing up!

And Quorra's jealousy, a very nice touch! :D Golden Oreo for you!

I don't read a lot of Sam/Quora stuff, but this line just made me love this: "When I play it for the first time and sounds fill the air and I know the Programs are happy. I shall be a just and virtuous User, my Programs will love me and I shall love them." That, and how she talks about the program she created. It's a touching perspective.

quorra's first daughter: line! :) so cuuuuuttttteeee!

Why do I love this so much?

I love this story, it fits I think. My favorite part is when Sam gives Quorra the mp3 player :) Nice job.

Sabi2

cute :)

That was truly fantastic! you portrayed Quorra very well.

awwwww

I love how you write Quorra. This story was so sweet and true to the characters. This made me smile and giggle and I truly loved it.

This is probably the best Quorra POV I've seen on this board so far. I think that you get into the character's head very well. I agree that she would probably think in machine terms and the casual use of software in most of our appliances would strike her as odd. Being a User would likely freak her out at first.

Goodness knows what she'd think the first time she saw a child!

BenRG's Rating: 8/10

Aww...so cute. :D

So, so beautiful. It says so much on so many different levels, not just about the character but about life and innocence in general. The part about her "Line" is utterly adorable. Excellent work :D