|Reviews for La Push off!|
| Christina4728 4/13/13 . chapter 7
| Readingfreak87 12/25/12 . chapter 7
How could you stop writing? It was at the best part! UPDATE!
| Just Emz for now 6/29/11 . chapter 7
When Paul went into the mode I'm sorry but that was so freaking funny! Keep up the good work! YOu make me laugh so much my parents keep staring at me! oh well I want to see that next chapter!-Emz
| TALA.AKA.WOLF 2/21/11 . chapter 7
Im glad she dumped him that turd monkey i loved this chapter it was soo amazing i cant wait for the next chapter please please please please please update soon please pleeeeeease
| REDHEADEDELMUNCHICAN-O 2/20/11 . chapter 7
Ethan's an ass... and i'll leace it at that... )... good job at capturing exactly how it would go down at school too... cuz alot of stories ive read the over exagerate...
| Ever Heard of a Dictionary 2/20/11 . chapter 1
First off, congratulations for making me want to leave a review for you; mainly due to the long, bold author's note on the top of the story. Here are some points to help you improve, or otherwise, make this story more appealing for a reader's eye.
Your story title is dull and repetitive, however, if 'off' in it is a pun, it's average enough. The title of a story must have the first letter in all words capitalize; exception being the articles, conjunctions of four or fewer letters, prepositions of four or fewer letters, and the particle 'to'. There are many other stories with 'La Push' in it, which makes it redundant, and hard to find were someone to search for it. Your title should be unique.
Your summary is simple, confusing, and has terrible grammar. You're missing punctuation, which makes the reader confused and we, as the reader, have to read it again. Avoid that. Try to use vast vocabulary.
First look into the story; you don't have a disclaimer. Fanfiction rules state that if you do not have a disclaimer, you're claiming that the plot-of Twilight, in this case-as your own, not the original author's. You could be reported for that; please, do change that little mistake. Author's notes should always be on the bottom, with the sole sentence of a disclaimer on top. This is a story; your readers need some mystery to solve-in this case, they need to read the first chapter and figure out what's going on; they don't need you to tell them that. When you post the characters and their situation, along with their age, you're basically wearing a sign on your forehead saying, "I am not creative enough to let my readers know everything about the story/characters, so I'll just make a laundry list on top." It's tacky. Eliminate any and every laundry list.
Decent start of the chapter; but the punctuation error halts the proper flow of the words.
Dialogue, a very essential part of a story. You're doing it wrong. Each dialogue should be ended with a comma, period, or another punctuation mark before being closed with the ending quotient mark. Capitalize the beginning of each dialogue. The words, at least, during some of the dialogue, you used were well framed, however; good job on that.
Characterization is not strong; when you're writing a story, you have to develop the characters you are creating. You have to insert them with emotions and human characteristics so that the readers can connect with them easily and share their emotions.
The flow of the story is poor due to the many errs. The flow should be smooth and descriptive, so that the readers can see the scenes in their mind as if it were a movie. So far, I have no visual picture of the characters, nor a decent grasp on their personalities and their characterization.
I suggest you get a beta to help you out.
| AliciaEM 2/19/11 . chapter 7
I'm kind of confused,but I have a feeling I won't be after next chapter, so until then...
| REDHEADEDELMUNCHICAN-O 2/14/11 . chapter 6
*Shines flashlight in ur face* Is Ethan just playing her? Will Angel and Caiden ever get together? Who the crap is Da-Daniel, who's been turned fr a few da-damned years? Does he stutter, or was he just covering his tail? Were the crap did he even come from! WHere's Damien dissappeared to?... okay... just had to rant all the questions running through my head... in the hopes of havin some answered... )... I love the story... i read it and La Push to England to La Push Again... and I really like 'em both... it's funny to see how Pal and Max became so protective in the this story... but why is L.J. so scarce?
| TALA.AKA.WOLF 1/22/11 . chapter 6
wow this is amazing i love it i really wish shed picked caiden though but i still loved it please please please please update soon
| Twilightlover4eternity 1/22/11 . chapter 6
I'm happy she chose Ethan well update soon I'm not going to guesss the park I'm too lazy
| Orange Chicken Lover 1/21/11 . chapter 6
wish she was in the arms of caiden. wait which one gave her the promise ring, caiden or ethan?
| AliciaEM 1/20/11 . chapter 5
At this point, regardless of the imprint I'm on Team Caiden! Ethan acted like a real douche and Caiden is so sweet :) Explanations or no explanations, Ethan better do something really big to make up for the crap he did.
| Astara Smith 1/19/11 . chapter 5
I'm on Team Cai! Ethan shouldn't of kissed that other gurl.
| Twilightlover4eternity 1/19/11 . chapter 5
I really loved it(: I am totally team Cai by I have a habit of falling for the peo
| TALA.AKA.WOLF 1/19/11 . chapter 5
umm duhhhhh CAIDEN hes sooooo sweet and they are cute together she even said she felt wrong with ethan and i think/hope ethan didnt imprint on her cause if he did hes a sucky imprint for doing that with the blond please whatever you do dont make cai the bad guy cuz that would suck i loved this chapter please please please please please update soon please it was amazing