|Reviews for Feeling Like A Girl|
| Fremione-lover16 5/10/12 . chapter 1
That was...amazing! omg..it was beautiful,I swear. :)
| TrixieNancy124 4/26/12 . chapter 1
This is a sweet story that really brings out Harry and Hermione's characters. :) I love it
| Rick13 8/6/11 . chapter 1
I don't know what had done it but after reading Feeling like a girl and feeling like a girl revised. They became my favorites. Both are not completely the same but the same passion and drive and sincerity were in both stories. So what I mean is that I'm in love with the story.
P.S:My real name is Frederik
| grenouille7777 1/20/11 . chapter 1
Very touching. I'm looking forward to the full story. Well done.
| ScarletRed666 1/16/11 . chapter 1
its such a cute fanfic! are you going to do a secual? i would lovee to read it .
| DemonicGambit 1/12/11 . chapter 1
Wow, that was an amazing story, a few inconsistencies here and there. Which I assume are only because you were pulling this from your larger story. I really got into it, great job!
| AbandonedAccount321 1/11/11 . chapter 1
| Benedict195 1/8/11 . chapter 1
Nice story you have there. Keep it up!
| DarkHeart81 1/6/11 . chapter 1
If there's one tip I can think of, it is to work on how you write scenes. Two things that I find key in fanfics is plausibility and consistency. For plausibility, things need to happen for a reason and to be explained. Random events are fine in comedy or very sparingly used. And as for consistency, pick either past or present tense and stick to it through the entire fic.
For me, the very random changes from past to present tense and back again, then followed by entire scenes in present tense, made this a headache to read. I stopped reading about the time Harry asked Hermione to the ball and skimmed through some of this.
The plot of Dumbledore not wanting Harry to attend the ball is...different. And not one that I really think fits a one shot; but then that's just me as it's not a bad idea. I think such a plot point requires a fic of greater scope, not to mention one that delves into Dumbledore manipulating Harry's life. As for anything that happened after Minerva informed Harry of this, I gave up. It really makes no sense for her to be the one telling him, not to mention doing so late at night when there is a chance he wasn't even awake still.
| lorelover 1/4/11 . chapter 1
TEST just want to see where this ends up.
| Cairem 1/3/11 . chapter 1
Choppy writing, my friend :/
| elisa-didlittle 12/30/10 . chapter 1
I DO hope that in the full story you keep Ron and Luna decidedly separate. Luna deserves a kind and caring boy to protect her, and Ron... well he won't be around much seeing as he was eaten by "ze Grindeelowz."
Unlike the Dragon task, this most recent Tri-Wizard event was actually fun. Sure, swimming in the frozen murky waters of Loch Ness in Feburary might not appeal to everyone, but the potent combination of gillyweed and firewhiskey could banish even the worst Scottish winter chill. And the friends he made in the undersea world would last a lifetime.
At first, he couldn't understand why Ron was HIS hostage. Krum got to rescue Hermione - lucky Bulgarian bastard. Diggory got to rescue Cho - ok, he's not a Bulgarian, but he's still a lucky bastard. Both of those lovely girls would be clad in their lovely little bikinis, batting their lovely doe eyes at their heroes who held them safe and close, while the frigid wintry water played with their nipples. Lucky sodding bastards, the both of them.
And what of Harry Potter? The bona fide hero, "Savior of the Wizarding World" and Three Time defeater of the Dark Lord, trolls, giant spiders and basilisks, had to make due with retrieving his ugly, boorish, traitorous ex-best-friend-forever - clad in a rather grimy grey brief. God he felt ugly just being around him. Instead of lovely doe eyes, his bloody reward would probably be watching Ron stuff his gob with some poor unfortunate lake creature. Yuck!
But then Harry had a thought. After all, when life throws you a pumpkin - well, you back away because pumpkins are heavy and would leave a bruise.
'This IS a very dangerous task, full of dangerous creatures in treacherous waters. And there weren't many, or ANY, witnesses around. And though Harry would do his heroic best, he certainly couldn't be blamed if his traitor ex-best friend succumbed to the calamitous frosty depths of the cursed loch.'
So Harry began his plan, which he unofficially dubbed "Operation: Best Friend Hereafter." OK, maybe not the best name, but he could fix that later.
Initially, when he noticed Fleur being attacked by the grindylows, he decided that what was good for the Veela was good for the disgusting traitorous scum. But no joy. The grindylows weren't biting. Literally. Even though he pantomimed a Weasley feeding frenzy. So Harry poked Ron with his hunting knife and rubbed his belly invitingly. Instead, the grindylows backed up a bit and held their noses in disgust. Damn, Ron didn't just have bad taste, he apparently tasted bad as well. So Harry tried batting his lovely doe eyes, but the grindylows just didn't swing that way.
Plan B: Harry would return to the mermaid village and rescue Fleur's hostage. He would leave Ron unattended, "just for a moment," and when he got back he would discover Ron being eaten by insane blood-thirsty mermaid things. But no joy. The mermaid things were all busy watching something on shell-a-vision. So Harry picked up their sharp forky thing and stabbed Ron and made "Yum-Yum" sounds. The mermaid things ignored him and went back to watching "Baywatch." Pamela Anderson was being attacked by a shark, and they were rooting for the shark. Figures.
Plan B 1/2: Harry went in search of the giant squid. Harry had seen lots of manga of alien octopus things molesting sexy young women before dragging them down into the murky depths, so he piled some yellow seaweed on Ron's head to make him look like Pamela Anderson. But no joy. Squids don't do freckles; who knew? So Harry offered a Chaser chaser; Angelina had been gaining some weight and was getting too big for her britches. Apparently this was good news, as the squid liked his chasers with a bit of a loose caboose, so all was well. Well, maybe not well for Angelina, but she was a team player, so she would understand. There is not I in "I'm feeding you to the giant squid so it will eat Ron's disgusting carcass." OK, maybe there is.
Ultimately, it took Harry cutting Ron into little pieces and conjuring a honey-mustard glaze, but the squid managed to gag Ron down. Satisfied with the success of "Operation: One Less Weasley," Harry grabbed Fleur's hostage and made for the surface. He absently noticed that she looked lovely in her little bikini. He wondered if she batted her eyes.
| Howlermonkey77 12/27/10 . chapter 1
Nice plot, but in your author's note, you said that you were looking for feedback to make improvements. So as far as constructive criticism goes, first off, there are a lot of spelling errors and missing words from sentences.
Secondly, you switch between tenses repeatedly. For example, when the dialogue first starts the beginning of the story, you start with past tense (laughed, said, added, etc), then present tense (mumbles, looks, glances, etc), then back and forth a couple more times. It's best to stick with past tense.
Next, the order of events is off. After dinner, Ron went off to bed, Harry asked Hermione to the ball, McGonagall came in and was glad that Harry was still up, but right after she left, Harry says that they should go to lunch and they meet up with their friends. Shouldn't that be the next day?
Scene breaks of some type should be used to avoid jumping time with no warning. Such as:
"No, I don't either… Look, thanks mate, I'd better go find her before some other desperate bloke dose."
Ron smirked "right, see you later then."
"Padma hi, thanks for meeting me"
And lastly, just a minor gripe, but Hermione should already be 15 by the time of the Ball, not almost 15.
I hope you don't take this review as a harsh flame, but just as constructive criticism.
| Zucht 12/27/10 . chapter 1
I enjoyed this chapter, and I'm looking forward to reading your longer story.
Just so you know, I visited your author's page out of curiosity.
I'm not the type to bug an author to much about grammer or misspellings, but it'd be nice if you kept the: there, their and they're straight, not to mention here and hear, plane and plain, and please watch your he's and she's - it's too easy to drop or add the 's'. I didn't see any of these in your story, but a surprizing number of authors don't know the difference.
| ApparentlyCRAZY 12/26/10 . chapter 1
I liked this! Sequel please?