|Reviews for Yangnesia|
| zackman1996 4/10/12 . chapter 1
Dude you don't go and just diss my hard work
I have my tastes and ideas you can't just up and make fun of them
| Driving With Whiskey 12/26/11 . chapter 8
Well, I'll come out and say it: I have not read the prior seven chapters. I've skimmed the first through third, tried the sixth, but this is the only chapter I've read in it's entirety. Why? You'll see. Writer beware.
Reading this by itself, anyone with an IQ above Billy's or Captain Hero's would assume you were a troll, however, judging by the low rage-factor in the feedback, I don't think so. I can believe that you aren't a troll, I simply don't want to. It explains far too much. If you ARE a troll, just confess. Haha, I'm mad, haha. I like pissing people off, too, I won't care. Or if you are from a non-English-speaking country, a lot of the below-mentioned is excused, although you should still be editing your work thrice and seeking out a beta, bless their heart.
But if you're as serious as I think you are, well, where should I begin? From other reviews you clearly aren't one to listen. Remember how people keep telling you to indent whenever there's a new speaker? They say that because it's basic grammar. Everyone has to do it, even you, shock of all shocks. Give me a reason why you should be excluded that isn't a reductio ad absurdum wait, you cannot. Put your ego into an organ grinder and listen to the critics.
Your syntax is fucking atrocious. Not gonna sugar-coat, mince words, it's deplorable. I'd be embarrassed to write like this at age eight. "It became quite obvious for all their friends (and enemies) what the place looked like on the inside the moment when they'd entered the building that was called the arcade."
I understand what you're trying to say there, but practically none of the words you used were in agreement with each other. 'For' should be 'to'; why is 'their' there; 'on the inside' is sentence filler, nothing but; "they'd entered" is past perfect while "it became" is mere past tense; why the hell could you not simply call the building an arcade outright, et cetera. You're trying to cram so much into one sentence and make yourself sound intelligent, when you're only accomplishing the verso.
"Video game cabinets lay abundant and commonplace." The words "abundant" and "commonplace" are far too synonymous to be in the selfsame sentence describing the selfsame thing. Again with " crystal( jewel)." Your story is already a huge enough insult to one's intelligence, don't make it worse.
Unless a place has actual bearings on the plot, don't put too much into describing it. Like the bathroom. No one. Cares. What the bathroom looks like. Why? It's a damn bathroom with no meaning to the story. When you describe something, ask yourself: Who cares? You write in a suffocating violet shade, the syntax and near constant misuse of semi-colons and colons only making it worse.
If you're going to give a character a false name, I would recommend referring to them with said name when they are around the people they're trying to fool, regular name when otherwise. Carlsbad has no reason to include parenthesis, ever.
"As Carl(sbad) placed his hand on the handle with the reddish orange ring around it where the water shot out of its nozzle and onto the operator's hands, bringing a (more or less) lukewarm but comfortable feeling, he heard Herman scream a bit."
Again, so I can really hammer this home, stuffing as many words as possible into a sentence does NOT mean it's better-written. Instead, it makes it clunky. Should you never use beautiful language? Of course not, but the overuse of it annoys readers. We also know how the hell sinks work, and the "where" in this context means that Carl grabbed the nozzle.
I could go on, but you know what? Fuck it. I am done. I'm in a bad mood with little sleep, and this story is making my head ache.( No wonder so many editors turn to the bottle when they get off work.) Come back when your writing is above that of Gloria Tesch, and then we can talk more.
| spescrusastrum 10/27/11 . chapter 1
Great plot. i hope you update soon.
| Rosie2325 4/3/11 . chapter 5
I think that you're doing a good job; just indent whenever there's a new speaker, and you'll be fine.
| Enjoyer Of Humour 2/26/11 . chapter 4
Awesome story ! can't wait for chapter 6 to come out ! XD
P.S WASABI MUSHROOMS ! (It doesn't have any meaning I just like the sound of *Dramatic pause* WASABI MUSHROOMS !)
P.S P.S Stop being stingy with reviews ! How am I supposed to make ART ... er, I mean reviews if you only alow me to make 1 review per chapter, THE HORROR, THE HORROR ! XD.
| Enjoyer Of Humour 2/24/11 . chapter 5
Great can't wait for the next chapter, when is it coming out ?
| BurnChill 1/25/11 . chapter 2
This story is cute. Yeah,I'm one of those tomboyish girls who love Yang...but besides that,this story is so SWEET!I hope you keep writing.(That's your 's not like anyone's forcing you.)
| AngelofMischeif 1/25/11 . chapter 5
R-really? You think it's good? Why thank you!
Nice job! I know I probably already said this but...you're doing WAY better on thi story on this than I was!
| Nezumi-chu 1/17/11 . chapter 1
Alright, first of all I think I have to thank you for writing this here so there will probably be no more spam on my own review box. *phew*
I didn't really focus on the story while reading it because as I said I'm not really interested in YYY anymore, but decided to still give it some attention and it's good. :)
Fadelight & Husky pup
I don't know if you two will read this, but either way I'm going to say it. Exactly those kinds of things are what drive writers crazy. That stuff that has nothing to do with the fanfic. Don't write about your OCs in the review box. Mail your friend about it if you want to tell it to him/her so badly. What you did isn't within the purposes of this review box. You are supposed to say what you think about the story, give tips or just tell the author if you like it or not.
Please keep it that way
| Husky pup 1/11/11 . chapter 1
Alot of errors in this but its a nice story.A bit dramatic though.I'll admit it...I LOVE Yang but the torture is a bit too too many amnesia stories here on FF.(Hehe,it sounds like a pun when you say 's weird cuz it makes sense.)
Nice,and it made me think of and Fade(two of my many OCs)were inspired by you because of your name(Xen)and your username(Fade).I was thinking...they should be your fan characters since you are my true friend and you helped me come up with them so...be free to use them for your story or youtube vid.
| Fadelight 1/5/11 . chapter 5
No offense to you or the person who came up with this but the chapters are kinda i guess they're supposed to be since writing a long Chapter is kinda stressful.I'm guessin chapter length is know what I'm saying?
Now a word for my penpal/best friend:Husky pup)
Yo,I have two more OCs to introduce to 's sister and cousin.
INTRODUCING...Josie's fraturnal twin sister:Aurora is a light lavender,red-eyed rabbit with dark violet hair that is longer than Joseline's black possesses the magic side of additional power(additional powers are like elemental abilities you are born with,if you've got a magic gift./Not true but it is interesting./Like how Joseline's additional power is darkness and fire.)is ice and is also a tomboy.
Now INTRODUCING...Josie's younger cousin:Yira is a peach, green-eyed rabbit with light brown hair that is held in a uses the might side of Woofoo and her additional power is weather control.
that would be all.
| HermosoAstutoChika 1/2/11 . chapter 5
Quite I kinda like it because it shows the effect of Yin and Yang's sibling ...Yang is sorta my 2nd fave yyy boy(Because Yuck is my complete favorite).There's many amnesia stories on FF.[Not realy,one for Yin and one for Yuck.]
| JmieXYuk 1/2/11 . chapter 5
Obviously the genre is perfect for this.
| AngelofMischeif 1/2/11 . chapter 5
I hope you like writing this,but don't focus TOO much on this. As much as it kills me to say this,you're doing way better on writing this than i was!I could'nt think of anything for a plot ,if you want to keep writing this,go you don't want to keep writing,you don't have above all that,you mostly deserve the credit since you went through the difficulties in writing this.
| Graceful Phantom 1/2/11 . chapter 5
I'm loving this story so we all understand you(And pretty much everyone here)have a life outside of YYY.I probably don't.(its true,i dont)