 MrsHellman 2009-11-22 . chapter 35Hello neutral (Wow! An awesome name you’ve got there! Quite unique as well! xD How come nobody thought of using that name before??),
Okay then, I’ve read your story “Of Western Stars” and as I always do, I leave a review! I’ve got a lot on my hands for the moment, so it’s always nice to take a break and read a fanfiction story here on. I can write myself as well, but I haven’t felt all that motivated lately, and you know what; to make things better I’m not even READING stories of the same category as the stories I write! xD I read Harry Potter stories, and then I write Naruto stories, I’m just weird sometimes . . . well . . . the majority of the time I’m awake ;] But anyway! As I said, I’ve got a lot to do for the moment, so I was very glad when I stumbled upon this story; it’s a happy story, with no Voldemort and Death Eaters running around all over the place :]
It’s always nice to find something that makes you laugh and smile, so stories with one of the genres being Drama are awesome! But! Since I’m leaving a review, I’ve got to tell you about the things I liked, didn’t like that much and then of course, I’ve got to leave some constructive criticism. I’ve got some questions and wonderings as well, and I hope you’re going to read this review and answer the questions. If you don’t have the time to, it’s acceptable, but I’d appreciate it :]
Even though there are a lot of matter I’d like to discuss, I’ll only bring up three under each headline :] I hope you’re fine with that, or else, I’d leave a review this long for EACH AND EVERY CHAPTER, and that’s something I really don’t have the time to do, so yeah . . . only three matters :D
GOOD:
> It’s about Harry and his godfather; Sirius – I was so freaking ** when he died in the 5th book! DAMNIT! – and that makes me smile so freaking much, since it’s one of my favourite couples within the Harry Potter fandom! xD Well, couples, and couples . . . it’s about a godson and a godfather! :] I’m quite open-minded so I can read pretty much everything, it doesn’t matter to me if there’s rape in a story, if it’s about homosexuality, if it’s a political story that deals with a lot of political issues or if it’s just about tragedy and death etc. I can read pretty much everything, but damn! There’s nothing better than a well written James/Lily story or Sirius/Harry story xD Yes, I love James/Lily stories as well, gotta go find a decent one I can read after leaving this review! :D
> It’s filled with drama and angst! I love angst in all its forms – just as much as I love humour – but when it comes to chauvinistic things I won’t even consider reading the story ever again. That’s just damn wrong, and I couldn’t find anything like that in this story, so that’s good :] If there was something that was close to this, it would have been the whole thing with Vernon being so mean, but damn, he deserves all the pain he could get, oh whatever . . .
> Harry was a young boy. We got to see how his life may have been at an early age. We don’t really know that much about his younger years, except for the fact that they didn’t treat him well – how bad they treated him, though, is what we don’t know. It’s so cute that he was only six years old, since I love toddlers and younger kids! x3 It’s always so freaking cute to read about children! :] I really want to read a story where James and/or Lily raises Harry. . . geez. . . James/Harry stories abstinence is something I’ve got right now. . . gaah . . . I’ve been reading Sirius/Harry stories for the past few days now, that’s the reason as to why I want to read a James/Harry story so badly xD
BAD & CONSTRUCTIVE CRITICISM:
> Harry got hurt over and over and over and over again. It was something that made me arch a brow. At first he’s abused by Vernon, and then Pettigrew pops up outta nowhere. . . it wasn’t all too great to read about Harry getting to severely beaten and hurt . . . too much is too much, and I think that the Dursley’s abuse should have been enough, considering the fact he’s only six years old, and has already gone through hell, twice; his parents’ death and the abuse.
> Pettigrew. He didn’t fit that well in the story, even though I can understand why you want him to be there, but yeah . . . didn’t fit all too well, hehe ;]
> There were some spelling- and grammatical errors from time to time, but nothing major, and I honestly do not really care about that. It can get annoying though, if it’s the same thing repeating itself. There’s nothing worse than a mistake being repeated –shivers- oh, and I can mention another thing here; the fact that you’ve added American words from time to time IN THE DIALOGUES, you can do that when it comes to everything BUT the dialogues, since they’re British, and this takes place in the U.K. xP
QUESTIONS, WONDERINGS & NEVER-ENDING-RAMBLING:
1. What was Harry’s dreams about, really?? They were added fro times to times, and I’d like to know the cause to them. Because, as it looks like know, they’re just there merely for the reason that you’ve got no idea how to explain things, and all. It’s a little annoying :S
2. How come you didn’t involve the rest of the Dursley family that much? There was a lot of Vernon in the story, but nothing about Petunia and Dudley – you could have written the scene where Dudley said he didn’t want the sandwich, as an example. I can understand that you like to write about Vernon more, because of the abuse and all that, but Petunia could have either verbally abused Harry or tried to help him.
3. Why didn’t you involve a trial for Sirius? I think there should have been a trial where Sirius got to say his version of the story. I don’t knoe much about the wizarding world’s laws and rules, but really; a trial should have been held! ;]
YES! I’m done, that was everything I wanted to say! And all in all; it was a great story and I’m looking forward to read the sequel, I’m currently reading another Sirius/Harry story – gotta finish reading it before reading a Lily/James story or James/Harry story – and damn! It’s awesome! Well, while writing this I don’t have access to the Internet, so I’m writing it in a Word document, that’s why there isn’t so many typos xP Oh what the heck, you’ve got to excuse any errors anyway, since I’m a wannabe-British-native-speaker xP I’m not an English native speaker though, and that irritates me ‘til no end! Oh, well. . . bye (until next time x])
Huggles,
Mi |