I play PSP2 alot so I often find myself looking for fanfiction from it. MaleOC/Emilia happens to have alot of love for me, I do hope you continue this.

You got to continue this man. I will consider doing a fanfiction about Phantasy star portable 2 with a female character

its good so far nice change in the story line and very graphic with your words keep writeing

In my opinion, your english is rather good. ôo; I don't understand what "." and "," have anything to do with good english knowledge... I could also say those things in german, polish, spanish, ect. ôo; Well, whatever.

It's pretty interesting how you describe the situation in the ruins. Furthermore, I like how you illustrate Emilia. I mean, that she knows some things about technology and so on. And poor Mathis... ;

Anyway, I'll follow up on that fanfiction. :3v

I'm not ready to give a really constructive review yet, so I'll leave you with this: Your English is not good. Sure, it isn't bad, but it's not really good, either.

I'd suggest proofreading your chapter after finishing it, to catch minor mistakes such as missing full stops (that's ".") Like right at the top of the chapter, you wrote

"Zonde!" She said

which is missing its full stop.

I'll also note that you have minor dialogue issues. Your opening line will make a good example.

"I think we're far enough away now" I said.

Contrast

"I think we're far enough away now," I panted.

See the difference? The main issue is as such: Put a comma at the end of your dialogue if you're going to follow up the speech with more sentence.

Of course, if it's the end of a sentence, or is a stand-alone sentence, finish it with a full stop. Same for exclamation marks and question marks - if I want to end my dialogue with either of the latter two, I'll try to find some way of making the dialogue the end of a sentence.

Oh, and "whacking" isn't spelled "wacking" (although the latter does add humour).

IIRC Shusou outclasses Shousen, by the way :P It's harder to use, but I find it better.

Just finished PsP2 and started looking for some fics for it, then I found yours. The perspective you tell the story from is expected (1st person) yet it's how you explain whats going on which makes this interesting. Afterall we all know whats going to happen so theres no harm in adding your own creative twist. Good Luck, and wherever this story goes i'll be sure to follow.

hey men good story