Some nice sensory moments in this chapter, the knife tickled his ribs, the woodchips peppered his clothing, things like that, those sorts of things always liven up a story. I think Mal and Lady are going to get into a fight if he thinks she's Alliance, he'll feel crummy for letting her stay on the boat this long. I still think some further explanation of why Jayne hates Lady so much would be helpful, maybe he can introspect on it some in the next chapter? I know she annoys him and I think he's jealous of her fighting prowess, plus I think her attitude irritates him, but he really seems to hate her vehemently.

Riona

Some interesting revelations about Lady in this chapter. You're doing a good job of portraying her charactor, a good mix of positive and negative things now, your ability to portray a flawed charactor has improved, a charactor with depth to her. I don't reckon Zoe would care about what Wash has dreams about, dreams don't really matter so much. I'm glad we now know something about Lady's husband, that's nice that she has one. You show us a really mean Jayne in this chapter, a potential aspect of his personality that most writers overlook, even though the series does show his mean side, even his cruel side. A well written and introspective chapter about Lady and her memories. Its really been 7 months? That's a long time. One thing: Your Simon isn't quite as technical and serious as Simon is in the series. Sure he loosens up as time goes by, but I would think that, at least in medical scenes, he'd be more clinical and detached, doctoring is his safe zone.

Riona

I'd of stick out like one of Wash's toy dinosaurs.

"I'd have stuck out" or "I'd've stuck out", if you really want to capture the compression of pronunciation.

What's in the case? I liked Mal "mentally kicking himself in the groin". It seems like what Mal and Inara were arguing about wasn't important at all, maybe that was the point. I like how you address various people's thoughts about the idea of Lady being from somewhere else, from Simon's easy dismissal and sureness to Wash's intense need to believe in a place beyond. I hope someone will tell Lady that it isn't that she doesn't want to remember the good things, its that the bad things are more noticeable and thus come to her in nightmares, obviously she does want to remember the good things, none of this is her fault. I don't think Lady would call Zoe "Ma'am", I've never really liked being called that myself but I really think Lady would not do it. In military situations with women one calls one's female commanding officer "Sir" just like one would with one's male commanding officer. Not to say that Zoe is in command over ... well she sort of is, so Lady could call her Sir, but maybe she wouldn't because they're not officially in a military setting. I just think Ma'am is odd and doesn't quite fit here. I look forward to your next chapter, how is River doing with the kada? I know some days she can't really do it, but some days she likes it a lot, how is Lady teaching her to fight going?

Riona

We called hitting the equipment to 'fix' it an 'RCA adjustment'. With solid state, we don;t do it much anymore, but back in the day... Your little note brought back some interesting memories of a youth spent working in TV...

Really enjoying your story. You understand about equipment and making old stuff work despite. Keep it coming, and I'll keep reading as I can.

Gripping like an electromagnet; just read through the 23 chapters straight up! Fantastic

Engaging chapter. I still love nongravity scenes. Kaylee sure is a cutie at the beginning of the chapter, you seem to highlight all the cute things about her. The concept of the device with the burning poison is intriguing, an interesting invention, and the chapter is paced well and flows well in regard to what happens. there is some ambiguity in the dialogue in the start of the chapter, but perhaps that doesn't matter. I don't think this is the last we'll see of those scrappers. I was a bit confused as to your use of the word trunk, in my mind a trunk is where you put things to store them, or the boot of a car, but obviously you're talking about the inner workings of Serenity, where the wires all run etc.

Riona

I really enjoy no gravity scenes, so this was fun. Poor Mal, the "triple whammy of puke, pain and zero G". Jayne's loose grenades made me smile, sure that's dangerous, but leave it to Jayne to leave grenades around the cabin like its no big thing. I think that kid mentioned in the previous chapter is to blame for the sabatage, it will be interesting to see exactly what is wrong with the gravity and why when we turn it on it malfunctions like that. I wonder if this sabatage has anything to do with the big government people that are after them. I hope you got my last email, I never heard back. Thanks for the shoutout in this chapter, shoutouts make my day and tell me that reading and reviewing is actually accomplishing something in this world.

Riona

I wonder about the youth Kaylee saw helping fix things, he's not working for Belgium anymore by the end of the chapter, I don't think you'd mention him twice unless he is important somehow. I love dialect, but Mal saying "be's" is a little over the top, just too much. As much as I like reading great fight scenes, the aftermath, hearing what happened to the other guys, is always sobering and a bummer, depressing, fight scenes are better when you don't know about the damage that was inflicted, I'm a wussy. :) In that scene where Jayne is drunk and slagging on Lady's ability to fight, I don't think he would do that, Jayne is enamored with Zoe, because she is pretty and can fight, wouldn't he be enamored with Lady for the same reasons? He's never indicated that a fighting woman is undesirable or demeaned Zoe's fighting ability in any way, so I find it unrealistic that he would degrade Lady's so much, even drunk. I think Simon would get over Kaylee giving River that headache medicine from the earth, at least it helped her feel better, that's what counts, but yes I know Simon is very rigid and proper about doing thingsthe way he thinks they should be done.

Riona

"rift raft" should be "riff-raff". "defiantly" should be "definitely".

You are a very thorough writer, you make sure we understand exactly what is going on in the immediate setting, everything the charactors are doing etc. I never have to ask for clarification. You covered a lot in this chapter. Simon's sarcasm to Mal made me laugh. I think your River was a bit melodramatic in this chapter. I know that River will be a good fighter and I think Simon knows it too, she has proven herself good at it and I think she knows more about it than she thinks she knows. I don't think there's really any way we can avoid letting her do it because its going to happen anyways and its better it happen in a controlled environment so we can understand it and help her understand it as well as possible, since its undeniable. A note of interest: It is common for mental illness to not appear until someone is in their early to mid 20s, sometimes it comes along even later, so to say pediatricians get it under control and fixed by the time people are adults isn't really believable, unless they've developed a test that detects it before it happens. Sure lots of people get it by the time they're 18, 19, 20, grown, but many don't have it yet at that point. I know you were looking for a reason for Simon to not know about it and it was a worthy try, maybe that test for detecting it could be Simon's excuse. About River's medicine, if she's still having really unpleasant side effects like that after several weeks of taking it then it isn't the right medicine for her body and should be changed. So Simon should get on that. I like how you've created a new urgency to the situation with the moment with the Alliance officials, periotically switching to them is helpful to prepelling the story forward.

Riona

Jayne said thank you :) I loveit when he and Simon are in this phase of their relationship; not friends, because they'll never be, but both acknowledging the other's contribution to the crew. Also, great explanation about River's behavior and how her not being able to 'complete the programming' affects it.

Not half bad so far.

I look forward to reading more.

Oh, good action! I saw that fight scene in my head, as clear as day :)

Well written chapter, it got interesting towards the end there, your fight scenes are rendered well so far. I think you stopped in a good cliffhanging spot. It looks like Lady has had some trouble with alcoholism and wants to stay clean/sober, even though she doesn't realize what's up with that. If I were Kaylee I'd still be upset that Lady didn't put out her stuff, that's rude and wussy boy excuses wouldn't cut it with me, see if I ever buy you stuff again etc. But Kaylee is nicer in temperment than I so maybe she won't find it as offensive. You're doing better at making Lady less likable, she can do something cool now so I like her more again. The whole scene with the scrappers was interesting, looks like you thought out scrapper culture before writing the scene.

Riona