|Reviews for One Hundred Spars|
| Cormag Ravenstaff 4/21/13 . chapter 29
Awwww! Cute! 17 is the best!
Plan on finishin'?
| Riku Uzumaki 3/17/12 . chapter 29
Did Mia just learn how to hypnotize people?... Nah, Ike's just way too stressed out to argue with her, so he just gave into her suggestions instead.
| Riku Uzumaki 3/4/12 . chapter 28
I knew that would happen
| Riku Uzumaki 2/10/12 . chapter 27
The hunt begins...
| Riku Uzumaki 12/25/11 . chapter 26
I'm also wondering how and why Bastian was dangling from the ceiling. Oh, and Merry Christmas.
| Riku Uzumaki 12/25/11 . chapter 25
When will Ike learn that Mia DOESN'T have a right mind either?
| Shadownocturne 11/15/11 . chapter 1
Don't let that end the story. Mia's a great character I hate when I make a stupid mistake and let her die. Like making her fight the dark knight
| Riku Uzumaki 11/12/11 . chapter 23
That was very angsy... and very sad...
| Riku Uzumaki 11/12/11 . chapter 22
I'm also curious about what Mia was talking about at the end.
| Riku Uzumaki 10/14/11 . chapter 21
That is quite possibly the ONLY surefire way to break Ike.
| Gunlord500 9/1/11 . chapter 1
I like Ike x Mia :D Nice lil' drabble, FutureCam
| Riku Uzumaki 8/15/11 . chapter 20
And that, children, is what happens when you get lucky after being knocked down a peg from being overconfident.
| Zivon96 7/15/11 . chapter 5
You know I've got this funny feeling that you don't like Boyd very much.
Just a feeling mind you...
| Mitchiko 7/3/11 . chapter 17
I really admire the fact that you are taking the time to work through each element of writing and improve them individually. I am definitely noticing subtle changes in style and changes in vocabulary that really let the story soar. I absolutely adore the funny moments in these stories and I soak up all the emotional ones too. Also I'm so glad to find another Mia X Ike writer because they're my favourite pair! Keep up the good work and I can't wait to see an update.
The description of the sparring session is good in the way that you tell us what's happening, but it seems more like a list. Try not to just list moves and expect us to put it together. Instead you can focus more on the flow of battle. Instead of "This time, Ike took the offensive, dashing forwards with a horizontal cut that Mia ducked under and she span, sending a vertical strike along where his back should have been, but instead Ike had detached his cloak and let her sword get wrapped up in it. He stepped in to attempt another throw while her guard was down, but she ducked." Try saying something more like, "Mia turned to look at him, panting and warily holding her sword as Ike rushed offensively towards her. He flung his sword into a strong horizontal cut that was easily dodged by Mia falling quickly to one knee. She jumped up delivering forceful blow to what seemed to be his back and grinned victoriously as the cape she hit crumpled slightly. "Ha I won Ike! Ya .." She looked up startled to see Ike in mid-swing with his sword. She tried to duck and block, realizing that her sword was wrapped up in his detached cape. She fell back to try and dodge his sword but not far enough." and so on. Also don't forget that fighting is not only sword moves but kicks and punches and blocking. Fighting also involves a lot of emotion. Well done though!
The idea of showing Ike's sad emotional side is great and I love it, but your emotional writing needs a little work. The shuddering breath I like and seeing through tears works too. I'm not so sure about using 'glumly. I think if you were about to essentially kill your friend/crush you would be a little more than 'glum'. You've definitely captured sadness in this spar but you forgot about some of the other emotions. For example, "Ike was only too happy to comply." ... Did you get lazy at the end of something? That wasn't a very good description of happiness. Also the love he feels for her could be stressed a little more when he's describing Mia. Ike probably wouldn't only notice her features but also her personality and how he feels about certain parts of her personality.
Nothing to say. :) Nice descriptions.
Love the title. Again I just loved the imagery in this it leaves the mind to wonder and dream about the characters. Beautiful.
| Enigma 4/30/11 . chapter 17
I'm a big fan of IkexMia and I've been enjoying these small series of stories. An aggressive demanding lovingly Mia? Nice combo I must say.