|Reviews for Goodnight|
| Space Whales 7/30/11 . chapter 1
Very cute. I love Julius and was happy to read this little oneshot.
You had nice sentence formation and on a whole it flowed very smoothly. Your voice was subtle, but definitely there, which is absolutely a good thing to have, but remember to make sure that your character, not you, is the one who's speaking. (It wasn't a problem at all, I assure you, but I've found that many authors have it hard when it comes to putting the characters first. I don't think you'll have that problem, though. You seem to have a good, neutral voice.) Word choice was good and the only problem that I found was that you liked to start sentences with either "She," "the," or "Julius." That'll be something you'll want to watch out for.
Another thing that you'll want to watch out for: The last paragraph happened very fast, and I had to reread quite a few sentences. It seems that it should be a little more drawn out if it's not too awkward for you to do.
Lastly: Watch your dialogue. If you slur all of the characters' reactions together into one paragraph, it makes it rather confusing for the reader.
Now that we're done with the mechanics, onto the substance:
I liked how young you made Edith sound. It really emphasized that she is, indeed, younger than Alice and that she has a personality of her own.
I was happy that you made Julius' emotions so subtle. Because he really is a sweet, subtle character. A lot of people have him overreact to different situations, but you managed to pin him pretty well. (Plus I love anything that has Julius involved. _)
It made me laugh when Ace walked into the room and his dialogue. (Most of your dialogue was great, I'm just worried about the sentences around it.)You really conveyed his personality when he asked if Julius wanted to share. I was even happier when Julius ordered him out of the room in response. (He's such a great guy... 3)
Once again, the last paragraph made me go O_O, but a little of it made sense; she just really doesn't know how to react to the person she likes, and the rest of Wonderland's just filled with a bunch of pervs. *shrugs*
And I loved it when Julius controlled Edith's forwardness by blowing her off. Way to be moral, Julius!
Overall, very nicely done. I enjoyed reading it, and look forward to being able to read more of your work.
| pasty face 1/15/11 . chapter 1
That was really sweet! Keep it up!
| Sleeping Moon 1/15/11 . chapter 1
Cute! I like it!