|Reviews for Unearthed|
| Rachel 5/26/11 . chapter 11
I'm loving your story and i think it's totally awesome. however, i was wondering if you could find some way to work Drizzt in? just a thought.
| Reinamarie Seregon 5/21/11 . chapter 9
hahaha funny. I wasn't too sure abt Kellendil and then i remembered him from the drizzt comics. Yea hope he can get a bath. ) i like yr style. keep it up
| wild child 4/22/11 . chapter 10
I watch an though i didn't really like the plot its still great to watch dante in motion
| MercurialNight 4/5/11 . chapter 1
He lives! Yes! XD
I'm with you; I was so freakin mad when Kellindil died. He was the only one out of Dove's freinds that I got really attached to. This is well-written, too. I kinda wished he would coincidentally meet with Drizzt again and we'd see the freindship that should've happened. ] hahah.
Ah, fanfiction. Where nobody has to die. Good work ]
| OhShirleyUJest 4/1/11 . chapter 9
Thanks for your lack of true evilness. If the elf starts whining, just remind him there is no union for fanfic characters - and if he keeps whining about your evilness you might have to do something to make sure you truly fit the definition... I'm sure he'd understand the implied threat. He's no idiot.
Have fun on this day of ridiculousness!
| REINAMARIE 3/29/11 . chapter 1
oh my friend was discussing about him! but i don't know much about him, he didnt die? cool
| OhShirleyUJest 3/28/11 . chapter 8
I have to wonder what exactly the two orcs (while the third tried really hard not to be noticed) were fighting over. I mean, orcs may be barbaric and like fighting, but they usually do have a reason (albeit most of the time a bad one).
Unless, of course, you're using the encounter to set up something for your bigger plot? I mean, there are a thousand ways you could go from that encounter! Forward scouts having a disagreement (are they a part of Graul's orcs? Or a different Orc nation/band?) or a small, lone band that found something that they all coveted (that perhaps looked innocuous to Bryran)?
Although, our archer getting a bow might be the best outcome, and it could have just been an argument... sometimes my brain just enjoys creating questions about passages.
In fight scenes, to try and make them seem faster and more action packed, you could try using shorter sentences and/or paragraphs. It's kind of like the idea of a figurative "page-turner". Since it takes less time for the readers mind to absorb simpler sentences, the actions in those sentences seem to be, well, faster.
Don't get me wrong, I love your writing style. But, if you want to work on improving the fight scenes, that's one method. It certainly isn't the only way though! I'm finding myself constantly intrigued by the writing you have done so far, and I look forward to whatever is coming next.
p.s. Great job on the descriptions of the two's camaraderie and conversation! I liked it a lot!
| Yulandia 3/7/11 . chapter 7
alright! Poll answer - Now how about a quickie orc encounter... now that they are feeling better and everything is going smoothly. Or maybe they find a bow?
| BatPhace 2/19/11 . chapter 6
Woohooo! No more Kellindil worrying for his life. Or, rather, me worrying for his life :o) Woohoo!
| OhShirleyUJest 2/19/11 . chapter 6
This is great. Maybe it's great because I just got done looking at a massive excel spreadsheet, but still... I think this is the strongest chapter you've written so far. I'm very curious as to where this is going, but I'm sure it's going to be great.
| Yulandia 2/18/11 . chapter 6
Again great narrative description. Your scenery/background is rich with textures. I like your new character Bryran, and that he can laugh. He seems like a really good guy. The frying pan story was hilarious, as was your last line in this chapter! Kellindil is indeed lucky (um... relatively speaking). I'm looking forward to more of their adventures together. :D
| OhShirleyUJest 2/13/11 . chapter 5
This chapter was good, and the OC looks like he'll be an interesting read as well. Maybe a little more physical description would have been nice, but I really can't complain seeing as it leaves the future fairly open.
This is starting to get interesting... well, more interesting.
By the way, I've been pronouncing his name Bri-ran (y like I, a like in can)in my head. Is that what you intended? I don't want to mutilate his name too thoroughly while reading...
| OhShirleyUJest 2/9/11 . chapter 4
Okay, I'm working on "willing suspension of disbelief" over the sparks thing... However, maybe I can chalk it up to "Luck had been with him". Extreme luck. Maybe a miracle, he's probably good enough on some minor diety's list for them to grant him magic wolf tooth sparks in exchange for tormenting him earlier, doncha think? Actually one did...I think I can buy that. I have now made it work in my brain.
Your writing is still clear and descriptive. I'm looking forward to how you handle dialogue when you introduce another character - if what's happened so far is any indication, the dialogue will probably be excellent! And totally don't stress about using OC's. It's exciting! As long as the OC "fits" the world: they sometimes even end up way cooler than cannon characters. There are some good examples over in LOTR among the Silvan elves... and every cannon character at one point was an OC!
Have fun writing!
| Surreptitious Chi X 2/8/11 . chapter 4
I really like the turn of events where he has shelter and fire and food, and an interesting item for the future (the fang).
I don't know if a wolf tooth and a rock would really make sparks, but I don't mind not knowing the answer to that. I'm too glad that Kellindil has food. ;p
| BatPhace 2/8/11 . chapter 4
Yay! Kellindil found a hidey hole! :) Good chap. Looking forward to more :)