|Reviews for The Untold Story|
| BonclaysFan 9/21/12 . chapter 7
I can't wait to see what happens next. I Really love your twist on the game. Keep up the good work.
| cjjs 8/16/11 . chapter 9
Well, this chapter was fucking fantastic. Really blown away here. for a couple of reasons. First of all, Lisa Trevor, wonderful take on her, and tragic as well. The image you made of her, incapable of being destroyed with even the most powerful of weapons, able to recover from any physical wound, and dying of a broken heart. The way I describe it sounds a bit maudlin, but it worked out great, and I like how Barry and Jill sort of figured out what it was she wanted. and opened the casket for her. I've seen a few other fanfic writers give Lisa a bit more reason than she had in REmake, and it's a nice fit to make her more than just a kill-crazy monster.
I guess the second reason would be Jill. You really shine at making her a competent and tough as nails cop, well worthy of her place on the STARS team (unlike Rebecca IMO) and I like how she went toe-to-toe with Wesker. I know that Barry was frightened that Wesker would kill Jill, and i think that he definitely would have mortally wounded her, but I also think that the last think Jill would see before the world went dead was Wesker's dead eyes, his brains leaking out of a hole in his head, and she could die happy, knowing that Wesker had got it just as bad as he had received it.
I suppose this story is just motoring along. The next stop will be the labs, I'm guessing. This chapter did a great job in showing just how far Barry's betrayal went. If I remember, he does pistol-whip someone in the games as well, right? More and more, i wonder if he will be able to live with himself after all the dust settles. i suppose it all adds up to how much he can justify to himself.
All I know for certain is that the surviving STARS have every right to be very pissed at him.
I'm also curious where Chris is hiding. I'm anxious to see if he makes an appearance.
Now, on to citations.
" Nothing seemed to die right here. Not the zombies, not the dogs, not this girl." I love that 'die right' bit. Ol' Barry would be fairly accustomed to death by this point of his career, and i have no doubt that this would definitely be a shock.
"He saw Jill checking the breach on Forest's grenade launcher " (breech)
"After years on the range and on the job, his hearing wasn't exactly stellar." For some reason, this makes me smile. it's nice that you throw in the occupational hazards (other than the obvious) of being a STARS member.
"He slid the knife back into it's sheathe and then kneeled down to rifle through Jill's pockets" (sheath)
Wonderful chapter. the best one yet, I think. Apologies for the tardy review, but at least I'm caught up now.
| cjjs 7/29/11 . chapter 8
"Rest assured I will do my best to guarantee that Chris reaches the lab unharmed."
I bet you do, Albert. I like your Wesker. He's m,manipulative and unlikeable, but there's always that little hope that he might be telling the truth, and there's a chance of survival. I know you're not a Stephen King fan, and I don't entirely blame you, but there's a name he has for people like Wesker 'Mr Maybe He Might' Maybe he will let me go, maybe he IS telling the truth.
Well the truth is, they never will, and they never do.
I'd have to say that my favourite part, by far is Barry versus the spiders. I wasn't sure if tarantulas spun webs, but apparently they do, and their hunting and web-building style is similar to how you described it, so you get points for accuracy. Also the whole scene reminded me of the initial fight with the Colonial Marines in Aliens. Which is awesome, I love stories with soldiers versus giant creepy crawlies, and the line 'This was the equalizer. Better than a can of Raid.' was a nice addition, as well as Barry's running inner monologue about only killing as much as he could eat. gave the entire fight a nice personal 'stream of consciousness' feel to it. Really, i can't say enough good things about it. it was definitely the shining star of the chapter.
Also, something really bugs me about the spiders, in the sense that they are one of the few T-virus creatures capable of reproduction. I mean, the mansion was crawling with baby giant spiders. That really frightens me, seeing as how a spider the size of a Peugeot would probably get pretty high on the food chain is their numbers were left unchecked. The more I think about it, Barry was spot-on when he talks about extermination. And this is one of the few fics that have mentioned the spiders actually 'spidering' people, paralysing them and spinning them into their webs.
Spiders are freaky. Shame Enrico got bitten. I doubt that Wesker's bullet shortened his life very much.
And that brings me to my next subject, Enrico. I like how you've portrayed him here. He's competent, but almost psychotic in his tenacity, exactly how I'd imagine him to be. But i do have a pair of gripes about this part of the chapter. The first one being that as a fic titled 'The Untold Story' I have a bit of a problem with Barry going through things that the 'game' characters had experienced. namely, it was either Chris or Jill who discovered Enrico, and had their confrontation with him. I would much rather have Barry being somewhere else doing whatever he was doing when he wasn't with Jill than have him just usurping the established storyline. Maybe I'm being harsh, but i figure you've got a tough skin, and i can afford you my honest opinion.
Also, I know it's not stated in canon that Barry and Enrico were close, and Barry stands to lose quite a bit if he pisses Wesker off, but I still found Barry's reaction to Wesker's murder of Enrico to be a bit muted. Would Barry not be angrier watching a (at least a comrade in arms) get shot in the forehead? I could imagine him losing it, even momentarily, even with wesker's gun drawn. Maybe Barry drawing his own pistol, maybe taking a swing, or at least saying a few very bad words. Ah maybe I'm not giving Ol' Barry enough credit. maybe he's so focused on protecting his family, and so damn tired of the danger and double-crossing, that he's really become insulated to Wesker's betrayal. Humans cope in odd ways, I suppose.
But I did like Barry's musings on Enrico's eulogy. Even if Barry survives this fic, he will carry a heavy burden for years to come.
"It should have been me. But I'm alive. Because I'm useful. Because I don't have the guts to stand up for what I'm supposed to believe in."
I think this line proves my hypothesis nicely. It's a shame (but no surprise, given crapcom's love of leaving characters in limbo) that they don't really say what happened to Barry post RE. Really, I wouldn't be surprised if he took his own life one day. Maybe once his kiddies are grown up, he's well into his middle-age, can't do the physical things he used to (I imagine he'd be an avid hunter/fisherman) gets into a cycle of funk, starts thinking about how his legacy as a cop was tarnished by him being a turncoat, then... BLAMMO.
Hmmm. might be an idea for a fic.
All in all, though a nice satisfying read (as usual) sorry for the delay in reviewing, my brain was away for holidays.
| Ultimolu 7/9/11 . chapter 9
Wesker stood, straightening his uniform. "Then I suggest you reconsider.
Missing a quote mark there.
Anyway, this is an interesting story. I felt bad for Barry regarding the fact he was forced to betray people just to protect his family.
| Guest 7/8/11 . chapter 1
hey another good chapter, keep it up XP
| Zephyr12343 6/28/11 . chapter 8
Dude, I just sat down at my computer searching the web and fanfiction for no real reason when I happened just happened to come across your story. I thought, "Hmm it's about Barry, not many stories are about him," so I clicked on it. I sat here for two hours reading this story and when I got to the end I was thinking, "Why must I be tortured with the wait for another chapter." Dude, this story is one of the most amazing things I have ever read, I don't care how long it takes to finish it, so long as it's always this awesome.
| also also cjjs 6/8/11 . chapter 7
I might have been a pain to write, but it turned out beautifully. Seriously, there's an attention to detail that really make this chapter stand out.l I'd say that you are quickly mastering the Tarantino Effect, because this really rings true to real life. All of it, Rebecca's scientific ramblings, the zoological namedrops, and Barry's (likely spot-on) assessment of her mental distress and coping tactics.
God damn it. You've got me liking Rebecca here. I can definitely say that I approve of your version of her. I know you mentioned that you liked her from the first RE, and now that I think long and hard about it, I get a brain aneurysm.
Okay maybe not, but I actually didn't mind her in the REoriginal (well aside from that God-awful voice, but all the voice acting was terrible, so I won't single her out) she was helpful, but her inexperience showed. It's definitely the SD Perry books, RE0 and Umbrella Chronicles that soured me to her. But if I stab myself in the ear and cut out the part of my brain that remembers those stinkers I can honestly say that I would like Rebecca (it's true). You have expanded on her 'original' character nicely here, followed the original path Capcom had laid-out for her while disregarding all the proceeding bullshit. She seems like an intelligent and brave young girl, but totally overwhelmed and scared white, and I can totally relate to that.
However, seeing as how I'm unwilling to perform amateur brain-surgery, my dislike for Rebecca remains.
And Barry...his pep talk was wonderfully written, you walked a fine line between his own helplessness and his grudging acknowledgement that Rebecca was looking to him for direction, and so it was time to 'man up'
And Man up he did, quite admirably, I might add. Only to end the chapter with him being humbled by Wesker once again. I really feel for old Barry here, he's between a rock and a hard place, and once it's all over (I'm assuming you'll follow the canon storyline here) I think he might have a tough time looking at himself in the mirror. I'm pleased that you added a little slice of self-loathing in there. It really helps to bring the reader back to Barry's internal strife.
I was always partial to the crows , and your description of them was quite good, a pack of teenagers heckling pedestrians...love it. And their frantic run for cover after Brad (inadvertently, of course) throws them into danger, had a pulse-pounding feel to it that was a pleasure to read.
"And she's been here for twenty-four hours already. No way she's been in the field before. Talk about a baptism by fire."
That's right. Bravo team spent and entire day out there before the Alphas came to the rescue. That was always a bit of a sore-point for me. One would assume that as soon as Bravo stopped communicating, someone would have rung the alarm bell. maybe the Arklay Forest had a couple of 'dead zones' where radio traffic was impossible, and everyone just assumed that's where they were.
"Stay behind me," he hissed, and started to strafe towards an arched opening in the wall." I've been told to stay away from 'said bookisms' (snarled, hissed, quipped, etc) and I try to refrain from them as well, but then again Cormac McCarthy uses them, and Cormac McCarthy is a god. So you can take that advice with a pound of salt.
"Here he was clutching at his chest, and she was giving him an insect biology lesson. And enjoying it." Another winner here.
"He's gonna kill her. Wesker's gonna kill her." I loved Barry's probing of just how much Rebecca knows, and the grim realization that she is a liability. And once again, the knife twists deeper.
And I'm enjoying it.
| Also cjjs 5/31/11 . chapter 7
Well Hell. I guess it pays to read the story title. I just dropped a review for the Rebecca Chapter of 'Damage' on the wrong damn fic. Good thing you've got anon reviews enabled so I can still drop a proper review on this guy. I'm gonna go ahead and copy paste my review into it's proper spot.
Hey, at least it's good for the numbers, lol.
| cjjs 5/31/11 . chapter 7
I'd say this chapter is a bit on the short side, but really you're just compiling little vignettes of the various RE characters, so the length isn't terribly important. Besides, you manage to convey what you wanted here, so I'd say you're doing A-okay.
Heh, you can't believe how happy this chapter made me at first. I must be a sadist. I'm just so damn tired of people making Rebecca this super-strong and resilient thing who kicks ass, talks tough and bounces right back form everything, but still cries over spilt milk. It's nice to see Rebecca portrayed realistically. She was way over her head (at least combat-wise) at the mansion incident, and I have no doubt that (once again, realistically) she would want to get as far away from any active zombie-killing as possible, but would want to stay committed to the fight. therefore having her working with the CDC makes perfect sense, so kudos to you.
I'm not super-versed on the RE canon with all it's special notes and diaries, so it's possible I'm missing something, but did Capcom ever state what happened to Rebecca after the mansion? If not, I guess it really leaves the door open as to what can be done with her character. I know Capcom would never be clever enough to come up with something like this, but I think it's likely a very close portrayal about what would happen to someone in her position, especially seeing as how she's incredibly intelligent and driven. Social isolation and an overactive imagination and obsessive-compulsive behaviour is pretty much in the cards for people like them.
All of it rings true, and it strikes perverse glee for a cranky old bastard like me to see that little bitch knocked off her pedestal (oh shit, a bit too much vitriol there).
But seriously, it all seems appropriate, especially seeing as hoe she would be playing with a virus that had personally tried to kill her several times. She had seen first hand what it was capable of. She likely read notes and journals written by half-mad Umbrella virologists as their minds got destroyed by the leaked virus. No doubt that would linger in her mind, and fester there. "What if I get it? What if I wasn't quite careful enough?" all valid questions.
Yup Rebecca Chambers as an obsessive Compulsive hypochondriac works. Actually, I feel bad for her here (which is rare, so congrats) I'm a bit of a hypochondriac myself. my sister was born sick, and we had to keep our place laboratory-clean, and I had to be super careful around her, because she was immune-suppressed. the monsters under my bed as a child were actually germs. I think I carried that into adulthood, because I worry/obsess about my health quite a bit. Way too much, actually. So my shrunken heart goes out to her.
Now, for citations. not much here, this time.
" Her mind spat a machinegun volley of obscenities at her in Chris's voice. " This sounds a bit awkward. Maybe something along the lines of. "In her mind, Chris spat a machinegun volley of insults."
"She nodded dumbly. What if she'd spread it all over the city just coming in? She should have called. Should have let them know she was contagious so they could set up a quarantine around her apartment. Why hadn't she considered that eventuality?" I'm not a big fan of adverbs, but this line is super-double awesome. it really shows just how far-gone poor (see! I said POOR!) Rebecca really is. Actually contemplating the quarantine of her apartment block.
"I wasn't close. They don't care about me. I'm nothing to them. I'm nothing..." This is cool, almost Stockholm Syndrome. Awesome. I think that as a psychology student, you're really in your niche with this series, because I think it might be your strongest work. Honestly, i don't know why, but this isn't on my favourites stack yet. I'd better change that.
In the end I'm a bit ashamed with myself. I wasn't left feeling cheerful about Rebecca's struggles. I ended up sympathizing for her.
Must be getting soft in my old age... sigh.
| cjjs 5/6/11 . chapter 6
Yes, I would agree with you that this chapter really shines. I breezed right through it. It's an interesting chapter, because it references two 'behind the scenes' bits of the mansion incident. The first being Barry's frantic radio message warning everyone to stay away from the woods outside the mansion. The second being that Barry and Rebecca were both running back and forth the Spencer Estate, and surely they must have crossed paths at some point.
I'll get right into citations.
"Some survivalist you turned out to be." I would recommend swapping survivalist with something else. Outdoorsman maybe. Survivalist conjures images of those nutbar militiamen in Montana.
"He was getting that horror movie feeling again" This fits Barry, even though I don't see him as a horror movie guy. Barry strikes me as a world war 2 movie guy, the old cheesy ones with John Wayne or Audie Murphy. But I get what you're saying.
"hands clenching tighter on the trigger" for some reason, this sounds awkward. Maybe replace trigger with pistol?
"He shuffled forwards" Over here we say forward. And would Barry be shuffling? wouldn't that be noisy?
But awesome description of the dead guard, and I like that the dogs were attacking the radio. it shows just how mindless and violent they had become. The radio made noise, and so it must be alive. I like it.
I also really like this line " This place felt like one of those old shops that sold knickknacks only because the owner wanted money to buy more crap." It really rings true. I think everyone has wandered into one of those junk-shops at one point or another. And I like the little recollection with his wife following it. It helps remind just what Barry stands to lose.
And awesome...AWESOME take on Lisa Trevor. Lisa was definitely something Capcom got right, and she is fine the way they wrote her, but this is so much better. I loved the dichotomy between the 1975 keeper and the 1997 keeper. The fact that he became almost a teacher. It makes me wonder how he managed to keep his job. Umbrella seems to be all about treating humans as giant collections of cells. There's definitely no room for humanists. Either way, it's good for Lisa's sake. She truly inspires pity, I mean so do the zombies, but her especially.
I actually thought that it was two separate keepers, but then I read the line "Same handwriting. Different sentiment. Like reverse Stockholm Syndrome" and it completely changed my perceptions. The bit about reverse Stockholm Syndrome was good too.
I have to admit that my heart sank when I saw that Rebecca was in this story. I never liked Rebecca. (Well, she had an irritating voice in the first RE, she improved significantly in REmake, but REzero has a special spot of hatred in my withered heart, and I hate her because of it.) I always thought she was a throwback to the Japanese schoolgirl fetish and pretty fucking ridiculous. I still don't like her, but you do her justice, and she seems to be in her rightful place here (cowering behind someone better trained) You make her smart, and a quick learner, definitely in character for someone who (implausibly) graduated university at 18, but her greenness still shows, and so I am very pleased with your take on her.
I also like the line ' She's just a kid. What the hell were they thinking?' Definitely in character for Barry, and a good question to boot. And I like how Barry takes charge, realizing just how out of her element she must be, ordering her to keep her gun trained on Lisa as he reloads, because there's a good chance she wouldn't do it on her own, while a seasoned vet would do it automatically.
"That thing took a .44 bullet centre mass. It shouldn't have anything to groan with." I would nix the word 'bullet', but this is an awesome line. cops always shoot for the centre of mass, and so you get points on authentic lingo, and for authentic procedure.
Fantastic chapter. This one definitely belongs on my favourites pile.
| zackfair1991 4/30/11 . chapter 1
really like your story so far and it goes deeper in to the insight of what Barry was thinking during the mansion incident, your story seems as though it could be canonical in to the resi world and i think you deserve more reviews for it, nice job XP
| cjjs 4/17/11 . chapter 5
Well, first of all, I’d like to tell you that I exploded with happiness when I saw the bit with George Trevor. The fact that he was buried in the walls of his creation is just the icing on the cake as far as creepy-ass mansions goes. Sort of reminds me of the cursed ship (I can’t remember the name of it, so you’ll have to bear with me) that had one bad incident after another for its whole service life, only to have salvage workers find the skeleton of a riveter that had been sealed between its hulls while it was being built.
Okay, a bit off topic, but that was the image it brought up.
This chapter was definitely light on the action, but nonetheless entertaining. A very wise person (Maiafay) once told me that every bit of a story should have some sort of conflict, and I think that was why this Chapter was a winner. Barry is struggling with his own inner strife (obviously), but there’s also a great deal of tension between himself and Jill. And that’s totally understandable. (I like how you made Barry slightly intimidated by Jill, and for good reason) Reading this chapter was sort of like watching someone have a knife in their guts slowly being twisted.
And then when Wesker arrives, obviously that is more conflict. And I must say that I like your Wesker. Not everyone writes him quite as velvet tongued as you, and I think it’s a good fit. That fact that Wesker is playing on Barry’s morals sits well, because family man or not, I’m not sure if Barry would play along if it was solely for Wesker’s benefit. You do Wesker justice; a lot of others just make him out to be a bully, or a psychopath. I have no doubt that he can be both, but he is a diplomat and a conniver first and foremost.
"Morality is not the only factor that needs to be considered. Your family, for example."
Of course, there’s that little kick in the balls.
Now as far as general commentary goes, I can’t say much bad. Your characterization is good. Jill is smart and tough as nails. Barry is terrified and worried, all good there. The narrative has a (mostly) Barry feel to it. The part with the discarded shotgun was great, absolutely wonderful little addition. It made me smile and think, that’s Barry, all right, so here’s a cookie.
You’ve got some unique imagery; the brick dust was one that stood out. I find it’s stupid hard to be original anymore, it seems like everything is a cliché now. So good for you on finding new descriptors. I also liked the ‘lint in the mansion’s back pocket’ that was solid gold.
Also I definitely prefer your inner monologue sans-dashes.
As far as criticism goes, the one thing I will caution you about is something another person cautioned me about (which I promptly ignored, lol) I was told that using the British spelling for words (colour, haemostatic, etc) is wrong if the person whose stream of consciousness I am skimming on is American. I suppose he is right, but I can’t be bothered to write things the ‘wrong’ way (take that, Yankees, lol) for the sake of accuracy. HOWEVER, I would suggest using the American terms for things in your narrative (flashlight instead of torch). Seeing torch in Barry’s stream of consciousness sort of stuck out a bit for me.
Also, I would recommend splitting up your paragraphs a bit.
"There's a tombstone here," Jill said. He balked. "Dear George. Your trials are at an end. Rest now and live forever in our hearts. This inscription's downright sinister."
I would suggest putting someone else’s non-verbal communication on its own line, seeing as how it’s a new person doing something. In this case, I’d put ‘he balked’ on its own line, just to clear-up any confusion. I noticed a few more instances of this in the chapter, but I won’y list them.
And just a few nitpicks.
“The collection on display was an eclectic mishmash of artefacts from around the world. Antique rifles he recognised from books on World War I. Tribal masks that looked like the papier mache Halloween masks Moira and Polly had made at school one year. Even a scale model of the mansion itself. The detail was excruciating. It must have taken days to put together.”
I liked the bit about the rifles, but would Barry not have referred to them by name/make if he recognised them?
Perhaps instead of “Antique rifles he recognised from books on World War I.” you could have added something along the lines of “An early model Lee Enfield and a German Gewehr 98, opposed in the trenches, but united and polished on a common wooden mount”
I’m not sure? It might be considered useless information to name/brand-drop the rifles or it just might me my tech-junkie side itching for another fix, but it might be an opportunity to get in Barry’s head a bit deeper.
Also “The detail was excruciating” I’m not sure if excruciating really fit there.
Ultimately it’s all a matter of personal preference, I don’t think there’s any ‘right’ way, but I figure I can be candid with you and I know that you’re (one of the few people) mature enough to take comments on writing at face value and not as a personal insult.
And I salute you for it!
Great chapter, all in all I’d have to say the bit with Wesker was the best. My heart sank when I saw him make his appearance, and I could really identify with poor ol’ Barry, and that’s the name of the game right there.
Keep it up!
| cjjs 3/31/11 . chapter 4
Always nice to see an update, and apologies for the delay in reading it. Not that this is an obligation. Far from it, I enjoy this fic very much.
Once again, I know that there are a few Barry in the mansion fics out there, and they all follow a slightly similar thread. I mean, there’s only so much you can do with a Barry mansion fic without really deviating from the canon. However, I don’t think I’ve seen anything this in-depth before, most are one or two shots, and none are this well written.
I like Barry. I think it’s difficult not to like him. He’s not exactly the brightest member on the team, and I think he relies on innate skills more than cunning, but he’s got a big heart and an interesting backstory and motivations. Definitely an easily relatable character (especially for Capcom)
And your narration fits into his stream of consciousness nicely. The little anecdotes you dotted in there, the bit with the family dog versus the fox especially, and the colloquial feel to the narration give this fic a personal feel.
But it’s more than that. I’ve noticed that your paragraphs are shorter than some of your other fics. I’m not sure if this is intentional, but it really tips the reader to the way Barry thinks. Very terse, direct thoughts, little busts of insight, yes…no…life…death. I especially noticed this at the beginning with Barry rushing to Jill’s rescue. So nicely done.
I also liked how Barry could figure out the make of the weapon, just by hearing it a few rooms over. I could totally see that.
And for some reason, the twelve-gauge shells on the floor of the attic was an amazing little image as well. No doubt Barry would have noticed that.
Now, so far you have adhered to the RE canon fairly faithfully, but I am definitely liking the little touches you are adding. The zombie, still scribbling away was very neat. I like to think that every zombie is special (sounds like a kid’s book) some are more agile, some can climb stairs, or fumble open a door. I like that there’s the possibility that a n infected will still have enough presence to know that holding the pen is important, and that it is used to communicate, but completely mucking it up.
And the repeated ‘I love you’s, and Barry’s reaction was great too.
I think that was what I really liked about the first two games, you’re showing up to the party late, and you have to sift through all these files and rooms to piece together what has happened, The Keeper’s diary, Martin Crackhorn’s last Will, Dave Ford (and Eliot Edward’s) operation reports, those little shards of the story where what made Resident Evil great.
Now, as far as crits go. I didn’t find many, but I’ll point out a few concerns.
“She had pretty good taste in firearms for someone of her age and gender.
The fairer sex didn't have much of an opinion on guns, in his experience. His wife hated them. Moira and Polly didn't care for them. But Jill had an eye for them. Discerning, like an old veteran.”
These two lines basically say the same thing. Is there any way to combine them? Although I did like the description of the shotgun that preceded it. That was totally a Barry moment.
Also, I see that you’re using internal monologue, and I like it, and use it quite a bit myself (as you are well aware) But I have been told that putting dashes before the itallics is unnecessary. I use it because I was only advised such about halfway through my story, and wanted to keep the formatting uniform, but for my next story, I plan on doing away with them. Just thought I’d pass on my stance on them, take it as you wish.
That’s about all I could find. I really liked Barry and Jill’s procedural/investigative chat toward the end. I think I’m a fan of mystery novels, because reading about people’s musings always interested me.
Oh yeah, cheers for using the word ‘sloughing’ That is one of my all time favourites. It’s just so gross sounding!
PS: Thanks for the shout-out!
| Harteramo 2/28/11 . chapter 3
Definitely an interesting pov, looking forward to reading more !
| cjjs 2/15/11 . chapter 3
I'm glad that you're not necessarily sticking to the canon storyline here. I think that if this was a straight-up novelization of the mansion incident it would be pretty dull, so I'm glad that you're changing things up a bit.
At the same time, I'm back in the mansion. I think that we might have discussed this once before, but I thought that REmake was the best game of the series, and so I always hold a special place in my heart for fics that take place around that time.
I'm really liking the pacing of this chapter. Once again, you've got a nice mix of introspective brooding and action. I think the run-in with the dogs was put in a good place, a bit of action to break up Barry's internal strife. Sort of a reminder of just how high the stakes really are.
And I'm also glad that you kept that throttle on the low side, letting time for nice little details to e written in. The lines about Jill's gun spitting death and Forest's tattoo coming unpeeled added really nice touches.
I also like how you're using more internal dialogue. Again, it is only my preference, but the closer you can get the point of view to the character, the better. I know that there are authors out there that can write fantastic fics from a more distanced POV, but us novices seem to benefit from staying close to those we write about.
And I'm glad that you wrote Forest in. His death (and consequential rebirth) is such an iconic RE moment that I really don't think that a mansion fic can do without it.
I think my favourite line though has to be Wesker's describing a 'misunderstanding' with a Bravo team member. It took me a moment to realize what you were talking about, but then I had to chuckle. Boy, did I ever HATE Rebecca in the original RE, but hearing Wesker describing it tickled my funny bone, for some reason. it might have to do with the fact that Wesker would see absolutely no humour in the situation.
And now, because you asked for it, I will offer up a half-assed crit.
"Wesker nodded. "This ordeal will be over soon enough, Barry. Then we can put this whole sordid ordeal behind us. Don't jeopardise what we've worked for these past months, so close to the end."
You used ordeal twice there. Best replace one of those ordeals with something else. I'm not sure if you've heard of 'cliche cleaner' it's a really handy software tool you can use to ferret out repeated words and cliches. It's not terribly expensive (12$ US) and it offers a free trial.
Other than that, I found a few sentence fragments, stuff like "The Grenade Launcher too. " I don't think it's much of a big deal though. A lot of authors (myself included) use fragmented sentences for style and such. I just try to limit their use to one or two.
Although is there any reason why you capitalized Grenade Launcher?
Other than that, a great read. Looking forward to more.