I thought that this smut was actually really good lol. The thing that made it better was the fact that I used to play wow lol. Really hot. I would've made it a little more complex, maybe progressing into more positions and expanding a little more on the sensual feelings. Overall, good smut ;) write more

I thought that this smut was actually really good lol. The thing that made it better was the fact that I used to play wow lol. Really hot. I would've made it a little more complex, maybe progressing into more positions and expanding a little more on the sensual feelings. Overall, good smut ;) write more

Is this your first heterosexual sex fic? Because you did very well with it. The plot was enjoyable, not just something that was baseless. However, I would recommend a Beta reader. You had a few spelling errors, but you had comma splices everywhere. You really need to make sure of where you're putting your commas, otherwise most people will not understand what's happening. When reading this story, it's not like you're reading it, it's like you're seeing it in your mind. The erratic comma splices interrupt that mental imagery and make it harder to enjoy. Otherwise, fantastic job :)

"It really was shameful how much this was turning her on."

I loved the timing of that line. I lol'd.

Well done.

Great piece you have here. You should try to write a whole story based on this, but develop the plot a lot more. Hope to read more from you in the future.:)