|Reviews for All That Glitters is Not Gold|
| Guest 3/11/13 . chapter 14
Enjoy your trip... and congrats, that's your 100th review!
| Guest 3/11/13 . chapter 13
I like the progression of your story. By the way, the "weren't asking very loudly" part reminded me a quote from Castle (TV show). I've only two comments:
1) Once again, you use the word "but" even though there's no contradiction: "hoarse BUT deep voice". The voice can be hoarse AND deep.
2) According to the text, "remnants of their first kiss still so LIVID in their minds." I'm pretty sure you meant VIVID, because "livid" means one of these things: furious, ashen, black-and-blue (like a bruise).
| Guest 3/10/13 . chapter 12
My favorite part: "The feeling of being in someone's strong arms, feeling absolutely secure, was breathtaking. Knowing that these were Ben Keeton's arms, was mind-blowing." Great, wonderful sentence!
Now, I didn't quite get one sentence from the 2nd paragraph. First of all, it was way too long (about 50 words!). Second of all, the structure was a bit confusing: "But with rain... despite hopping just over." What did you mean by "despite hopping"?
As well, the phrase [Tommy] "nuzzled Charlies shoulder" sounded wrong. The verb "nuzzled" doesn't fit (in my humble opinion).
"His one hand"- one of his hands.
"..., asked Charlie, AS one of the locals ansered right away and..." According to this sentence, Charlie asked something at the same time as one of the locals replied to his question.
"His fingers combed through his dark BUT slick hair not daring to take a look at Lily." Okay, this sentence is wrong for two reasons: 1)The word "but" implies that something is contrary to expectation. I'm not sure what's the contradiction between "dark" and "slick" is. 2) The subject of the sentence"his fingers"... The way you formulated it, his fingers didn't dare to take a look at Lily. Look, your writing is really good. My advice, use shorter sentences.
| Guest 3/10/13 . chapter 11
You know, this chapter reminded me a bit the writing of Alfred Szklarski. You seem to know a lot about all these plants and stuff.
By the way, yesterday I finally realized that the song you used in the other fanfic ("We All Need Saving") is my favorite song from the movie "A Thousand Words". It's kind of funny that I didn't recognize it at once.
| Guest 3/9/13 . chapter 10
The adventure begins! Yay. Once again, a great chapter and a really cute Keeton/Brenner moment. Now, few comments:
1) The idiom is "come IN handy"- not INTO.
2)"rolled up sleeves ON... his shirt"- I think it should be OF.
3) I didn't quite understand why you emphasized that "even Ben started down the stairs".
| Guest 3/9/13 . chapter 9
A great, really great chapter. A wonderful description of the Keeton/Brenner moment. They weren't that many mistakes in your story so far. Your English is nearly flawless. But I think you can improve a bit this sentence: "Ben was standing in front of a shelf and obviously looking for something." I mean, this sentence is fine, but it could be formulated better. For example, you could write: "Ben stood in front of a shelf, obviously looking for something".
| Guest 3/8/13 . chapter 8
I think it would be better to write "detected" instead of "could detect". "Could detect" doesn't necessarily mean that he did detect it. It's more like a hypothetical ability.
| Guest 3/8/13 . chapter 7
No Brenner-Keeton moments (
| Guest 3/8/13 . chapter 6
There were few typing mistakes. For example, you wrote "a long" instead "along" and the line after you wrote it correctly "along". In addition, there's a difference between "loosing" and "losing." The last thing that I didn't like was the fact that Minard put her finger into the pot to taste the soup and that's just... disgusting. I mean, how can someone eat this thing after she put her hopefully-not-dirty hand inside? Other than that, the chapter was well-written.
| Guest 3/8/13 . chapter 5
| Guest 3/8/13 . chapter 4
Well, to be candid, this chapter was the most boring so far. The only scene I liked was when Lily yelled "hey" and everyone stared at her.
| Guest 3/8/13 . chapter 3
Hey, you forgot to translate the last sentence in Spanish, but it's okay. I got it anyway. My Spanish had improved! Also, I wanted to note that sometimes you write two words without the white space, i.e. as one word. Even though, this chapter was well written and I enjoyed reading it. I liked the way you described Ben watching her. Looking forward to find out what lead to the scene in the first chapter.
| Guest 3/8/13 . chapter 2
Another wonderful chapter. You described the nature perfectly.
| Guest 3/7/13 . chapter 1
Starting the story with a cliffhanger is a great idea. And yeah, unfortunately, everyone is familiar with those days... But you switched from "I" to "Lily" and it's confusing for the reader.
| Tina 2/26/13 . chapter 13
ich weiss, diese Geschichte ist nun schon fast ein Jahr alt, aber bitte, bitte, schreib doch weiter! Uns so nach dem ersten Kuss und dem Morgen danach haengen zu lassen ist fast so schlimm wie ABCs ploetzliches Ende der TV-Serie.
Dein Englisch ist uebrigens ganz hervorragend.