|Reviews for Psycho love|
| animefanime16 12/18/11 . chapter 4
i think takemaru and xaoi long make an adorable couple! please let them be together! or im gonna explode! -
| animefanime16 12/18/11 . chapter 1
ohhhhh my gosh takemaru and xiao long have to get together! please! or im gona cryyyyyyyyyy D''''''''''''':
| Spring Zephyr 7/26/11 . chapter 3
It's still short, but length isn't the most important part of writing. End the chapter when you feel like you've written enough, otherwise it might sound strained.
I approve the choice of rice balls/onigiri for Takemaru's cooking endeavors, lol. They're not difficult to make, but basically the staple food of Japan (rice in general is this, actually).
"next time you want to hug the floor, I let you do your thing." Best line ever.
Ayano is upset over not being allowed to cook and Joi has a plan of some sort... I dislike cliffhangers, update soon.
| PATR1CK 5TAR 7/19/11 . chapter 3
it would help if you wrote some steamy stuff / you know- like takemaru walking in on xiao-long taking a shower or something. i like the blushing and lovey dovey stuff but, you know...it's not yaoi until it gets steamy! / sorry...
| Spring Zephyr 6/11/11 . chapter 2
"Maya was eating her own made breakfast."
- "Maya was eating the breakfast she made."
Using a word like "her" or "she" can already imply ownership, so there's no reason to add an extra word. It's the breakfast she made, so adding "own" is kind of like saying that twice.
"Takemaru still had a weak for Kakeru."
- "Takemaru still had a weakness for Kakeru."
Dialogue... You know that when a person asks a question, it ends with a question mark, right? The comma is used in place of periods in pretty much the same way.
- "But we hardly know each other," Takemaru slightly protested. ((See? It's pretty much like that.))
There's a little more, but I can't really think of how to word it right now. The English language is difficult to explain, but a good way to get better is to continue writing. You're getting a lot of practice this way!
About seven chapters is a good length. It won't be too difficult to accomplish and it should be able to cover all the necessary details without dragging on. Fanfiction with sixty chapters are good also, but sometimes it feels more like the authors who wrote them became sidetracked and forgot what they were originally writing about.
There wasn't a lot of Xiao Long in this chapter compared to the last, but I like how you write Takemaru and how you manage to include pretty much everyone in some way. I am looking forward to the cooking chapter, so whenever you get around to it I will be waiting! Will there be fluff?
And as for Fuyuko... Haha. ((Hands her a napkin))
| Spring Zephyr 5/30/11 . chapter 1
I hope you're planning to continue this story, because there needs to be more Psycho Busters fanfiction and the idea of this pairing is just too awesome, it actually inspired me to write my own Xiao Long/Takemaru fanfic (hope you don't mind, and I'll post it sometime in the next couple of days).
Grammar errors... English is a complicated language if you're not a native speaker; a couple of your sentences are difficult/clumsy to read because of how they are worded. For example:
"Xiao Long never noticed him, he was far too concentrated. The gentle, shy boy was always on himself, Takemaru wished it was different, though."
"Xiao Long didn't notice him, he was concentrating so hard. The shy, gentle boy was always focused on himself. Takemaru wished it were different though."
"Takemaru blushed as the boy touched him, and the sight."
"Takemaru blushed when the boy touched him, and from the sight."
I hope this helps. Your grammar really isn't too bad, it's passable and there is nothing that made me cringe.
On a side note: "Xiao Long" would be his actual name in Chinese and "Shao Ron" is the closest you can get to that spelling using the Japanese katakana. The people posting scans on the internet would have translated his name literally, but the manga that was published officially is more accurate.
And all that being said, I really hope you plan to continue updating this story.
| yaoi-2min 3/29/11 . chapter 1
wow i like your story update soon
| Burst-Into-Flames 3/24/11 . chapter 1
You should definately keep writing and I love Xiao Long and Takemaru. I like it so keep writing please :)