|Reviews for No Love|
| Tailsmoforever7 8/19/12 . chapter 3
Indent means to start a new paragraph, and I think GriffinsMustFly is right, it's a bit hard to identify who's talking.
Great story, keep it up!
| GriffinsMustFly 5/9/11 . chapter 2
Remember to indent a new paragraph everytime you have a new speaker, sweetie...but your description is good and I like the storyline. A little less swearing and more powerful word choices in its place to get your point across and you'll do fine...I'll be waiting for the next chapter.
| Fear Street Productions 4/26/11 . chapter 1
Well, part of what I was going to say has already been said, so I won't repeat them, only add to it.
Just how many people were beating up on Yang? He is a trained swordsman, and there's no way he would let some grade school bullies pound him into dust. This irks at me, and probably does to others, so I think you should use the next chapter to give more detail on what exactly went down, because, to be honest, since I'm sure what really happened her, you're making Yang look weak and a pacifist. Trust me, I have no problem with Pacifism, and I dislike Yang as a character, but he is certainly NOT weak, and certainly NOT opposed to violence.
I also think that you use description on characters who don't need it. For example, you bothered to explain what the elephant doctor was wearing, yet he holds no sufficient value to the plot. Description should be used on characters and settings who have a true value to the plot or one of the sub-plots, and since the doctor here doesn't, your over-description reads of padding.
On a positive note: I do like how you described why they're going to school. It's short, simplistic, and sensible.
I hope I haven't offended you, because I didn't write this intending for it to be a personal attack. (If it was a personal attack, trust me, you'd know right away that it was.) I am merely trying to help.
Fear Street Productions
| XNightMistressX 4/16/11 . chapter 1
I always knew the world was a cruel place...
Teenagers who abuse others are just jerks who don't care who the heck they hurt! Sometimes it makes me want to stab someone when they harm someone and laugh about it.
Yang is supposed to be the lucky one...man, i feel sorry for him(Even if it is just a fanfic).
Don't worry,Yin...things will get better...i think.
| Duskita 4/8/11 . chapter 1
| Rosie2325 4/4/11 . chapter 1
First, I must say that I tried to review this long ago, but I was doing it on my iPod, and everything that I had typed was lost. But now I have the time to give this another go, and so I shall:
1) There are times in which I feel that you repeat yourself. For example: "The weather outside was not frightful for the temperature was so delightful; it didn't matter where people go for there was no snow" Well, if the weather is delightful, I assume that it isn't snowing, and I think others do as well. Another example would be-"like their surroundings were like a library" Really, you didn't need to use 'like' again-"like their surroundings were a library" would sound better, and the readers still understand what you're trying to say.
2) I know that this is a total nitpick, but Yang's fur is too dark to be baby blue. It's more of a royal or navy shade, like lapis. Again, total nitpick.
3) It also appears that you're either missing a word, or a comma/dash/semi-colon/whatever, like-"without warning as if it were on cue" would be better written as-"without warning-but, somehow as if it were on cue-" Do you see what I'm getting at?
4) Why did you bother to explain what WooFoo is? Most of the people reading this are going to be fans of the show, so chances are they already have a fair understand of the show's key element. And if they don't, I'm sure they know where to find out (Youtube, Wikipedia, the Yin! Yang! Yo! Wika, ad nauseam).
5) I and others have told you this before, so I won't hammer it in too much, but please, please, please indent when someone new is speaking. It makes reading your stories less straining for the eyes.
Well, I just that's it for now. I hope I didn't offend you; I'm honestly not trying to.
Write with joy,
| AviTaRi 2/27/11 . chapter 1
To tell you for sure, you did better than I do...
I need to learn to make more of the story lines than the conversations, this story is full of creative words and I like it!
so, those 'Sweet 16' spammers who pop you up this idea? it's not that crap anyway, it's very nice to me (I'm honest)
| Graceful Phantom 2/27/11 . chapter 1
Aww, poor Yang...
Always getting beaten up. I read Yangnesia's first few chapters and i must say...that poor boy! HE's always being abused. He's only a kid! I think whoever came up with these ideas, likes to see Yang get killed/abused. What kind of sick mind would engoy an innocent character get tormented just for the fun of it!
| Evanesense 2/26/11 . chapter 1
Poor Yang. First Yuck and now him?
| Rosalynn Specter 2/26/11 . chapter 1
Weeeeell, this is pretty much AWESOME!
This fanfic has piqued my interest. I wish to see more soon :3