great story

that was cool. hopefully they get home

see he got hurt but sam had to suffer too

ok this is really good. dean needs to watch his mouth before he gets hurt

You use AND WAY TOO MUCH! "they heard Sonic remark and the speedy blue hedgehog sped to the trio" How about: "Did someone say my name?" they heard Sonic remark as the hedgehod sped to the trio."
That's a SIMPLE fix..it could be MUCH better...but...using speedy and sped in the same sentence...just sounds awful

Dean's dialogue is a tad bit off. He's a douche...but not as big of a douche as your making him out to be. Be more descriptive.

Ha you really capture Deans shouty nature, it would be funny if you dropped Castial in too