This is a really great idea for a story: a good plot and characters, why did you stop updating? keep writing

Oooh another interesting chapter! Update soon!

Ahhh! Another cliff hanger...poor Willis!

The only thing I can suggest is to watch your proofreading, again. You had a few typos. :)

Other than that this is another truly fantastic chapter!

Oooh, a spy. Interesting, interesting. This is a cliff hanger! And another, really, really good chapter! :)

This is really good! Your description is amazing! You have very diverse characters, and an interesting plot line.

The only thing I can suggest is to carefully proofread a bit more. You have some easily caught mistakes, that seem like typos. Because your grammar is actually very good! I would also suggest trying to stay a bit more on topic in some paragraphs. You seem to change the course of your thoughts a lot.

Other than that, I really like this! These kids seem so unique, they have different personalities. Which means different likes, and dislikes. This seems like it's gonna be a really, really good story, and I really, really can't wait to read it!

Anyway fantastic story, do keep writing,

SS

Great story FreakyFantasy! I hope you update soon! :)

hmmm interesting story. plaese update i want to see what happenes

Wow, I haven't read these books but I want to now! This is a great introduction: the use of short sentences is very effective in setting the scene and giving us a sense of the mood of the story. It's a really nice story idea; as I haven't read the books I can't tell what is original and what is taken, but I like the characters and the situation that they're in.

Two technical things I noticed:

1) Watch your commas. In some places you need to use more so that the sentence makes sense. For example, you need an extra comma here: "Their eyes [,] concealed from view by forest brown cloaks, scanned the open clearing" so that it is obvious that is is their eyes that are scanning the clearing.

2) When you read through what you have written, make sure there aren't any repeated words near each other. So the second "but" in "She could be slightly harsh, but had a soft side to her that enjoyed running and playing all day long, BUT she would restrain from such things and act very mature" should be replaced by a synonym such as 'however'.