This story felt a little too jumpy for me. The journey from hurt and apart to together and in love. Although kidnapping Rinoa made her realize her love for Squall in the face of utter humiliation and danger, I kind of don't see that really happening cause there's no link there to Squall. There was also really nothing concrete that would have made Squall realize his need for Rinoa other than what he already knew.

Try reading clinging to memories as a reference.

Although I must say I did enjoy reading this but probably due to reading clinging to memories first, or work done by optical goddess, they ruined this fic for me. Heheh

Cheers

Keep Writing

Hi there. ) I was reading through your story and came up with this. I hope it helps. ;)

You have a nice story going on here, but it's a bit lacking... it lacks the emotional depth that draws the reader to read it further. Not that you're a bad writer, your language's fine, but you still lack that higher level of skill (which comes with practice on a lot more concious effort on the description and details).

It's not an easy thing to acquire, so don't sweat it. But having that ability to add depth to your story will make it a wholel ot better.

(I remember typing out a whole "tutorial" on description and detail and whatnot... It's pretty long... but if you want it, I can always PM the "tutorial" to you)

Nice, haha. It had its funny moments, and a predictable ending, of course but still sweet.

What a great little story! It was so good!

i request you to make another story...a high school one. it would be fun. and the ending was sweet though seifer and quistis didn't go together but it was sweet.

i think i kinda get your plan so far. but you might change it in the futher chapters.

poor squall.

good. nice

you story is good.

the storyline is interesting...well but rinoa was kinda bitchy but it's ok it goes well with the plot.

What a nice story ending. Really, I liked it. I'll be reading your other stories.

Oh my god! Seifer killed Selphie? If I'm right... eesh. Kool chapter.

You use some good tactics - I'm assuming Selvia was Selphie and Quin was Quistis? Kool.

Mm... good chapter. I like it. Nice sadness... its good. See ya!

I like the way they fight - because if nobody fought in the fanfiction and everything was just normal, it wouldn't be much worth reading, huh? Kool.